


The Boys of Summer

by todaslasmadrugadas



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1970s, 70k, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Angst, Everybody Lives, First Love, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin, Period-Typical Homophobia, Slow Burn, Summer Love, but it's very light because it's a self-indulgent au, but most of the fic is them together, just a self indulgent au where everyone is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-01-14 14:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 73,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18478624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/todaslasmadrugadas/pseuds/todaslasmadrugadas
Summary: The Summer of 1978 was supposed to be the same as the previous one. And the one before that.Because, in the provincial village of Fenneltown, where 16-year-old Remus Lupin lives, nothing ever changes. Not really.Until this year, everything does.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, guys!
> 
> So, this is my first attempt at a novel-length fic, and I hope you'll like it as much as I do!
> 
> Because it suited my plot better, I have moved the timeline two years forward. This means that while in canon Sirius and Remus would be 18 in 1978, here, they are 16.
> 
> All places (except for the obvious ones, like London), are made-up.
> 
> I have also moved Hogwarts from Scotland to a little outside London.
> 
> I would like to dedicate this to my wonderful friend and beta, @electracute, without whom this piece of work wouldn't even exist.
> 
> The title is from Don Henley's song of the same name, which inspired the idea for this fic.
> 
> Updates every Sunday!
> 
> Enjoy <3

Heat, heat, heat, everything is thick, agonizing heat, killing the flowers, burning the flesh, melting the brain, numbing the senses...

 

Okay, maybe he is exaggerating a bit in his reactions, but the truth of the matter is that Remus Lupin loathes the heat. He is blessed enough to be living in a place where the temperature seldom rises above fifteen degrees and the sun rarely shines. Most people complain about that, but Remus is all too happy to walk around in one of his countless old-man jumpers, tucking his hands in the too-long sleeves, his cheeks red and his breath frosting from the cold.

 

Now, however, the cursed month of June has come around, and in the small fishing village of Fenneltown, West Cornwall, the sun is shining and the temperature has reached an outrageous thirty degrees.

 

Every other child and teenager is out enjoying the sun, bathing in one of the beautiful beaches nearby, having made them their second home as soon as school ended. Remus, however, is trying hard to concentrate on “The Casebook of Sherlock Holmes” in his small room, the blinds down, his shirt off, in vain seeking relief in the small fan his parents have recently purchased.

 

The words swim in front of his eyes. After sticking his face directly in front of the fan to no avail, he thinks  _ sod it  _ and decides to head for a swim as well.

 

Which goes to show just  _ how  _ dramatic his state is, because Remus normally refrains from going to the beach. For one, despite his applying copious amounts of sun cream everywhere, he always manages to go red as a lobster after minimum exposure, having his milk-white skin to blame for that. For another, he is self-conscious about his thin, scrawny body, especially in comparison to most boys his age, anxiously waiting for the summer to show off the fruits of their year-long workout.

 

Last but not least, he is rarely in the mood to interact with his classmates; he has nothing against them, of course, always being helpful and polite, and they have nothing against him: they have always treated him nicely. However, he can't say he considers any of them a friend. Where others prefer to socialise or play football or engage in other normal teenage activities, Remus has the interests of an old man: he prefers to read, take long walks in the narrow streets of Fenneltown, or listen to his father's records. While the other kids are frantically listening to the soundtrack of “Saturday Night Fever” or the latest Donna Summer single, he is more partial to the likes of Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and Fleetwood Mac.

This prevents him from finding common interests and thus forming friendships with any of them.

 

Now, however, he disregards his timidity in favour of a plunge in the hopefully cold water of the sea. He puts on his faded red, long swimsuit, completely disregarding the new fashion of impossibly tight men's swimwear that reveal things in the lower areas he is  _ better off unaware of, thanks. _

 

After covering himself with sunscreen to the point where he becomes white as a ghost, putting on a plain white t-shirt, his flip-flops and his too-big-for-his-face sunglasses, he takes his book with him and informs his mother of his plans.

 

Hope seems surprised but pleased with Remus' decision and she wishes him to _ have fun, sweetheart! _ with a hopeful smile on her face while peeling a potato in their tiny kitchenette, her face glistening and her hair haphazardly sticking out of her bun.

 

Remus sighs, wishing that his mother would be more subtle about her worrying over Remus' social life. He knows her intentions are good-natured, but he is perfectly content with the life he is leading. Most people his age dream of leaving Fenneltown and moving to a big city, but Remus envisions himself staying there, taking over his father's small bookshop,  _ Lupin's Lunar Library _ , and taking care of their many bookshop cats.

 

After saying goodbye he steps outside, almost instantly regretting his decision to do so as the sun hits his face. He navigates between the small white houses of Fenneltown with the brown roofs almost on autopilot, saying hi to Augusta Longbottom, the owner of the bakery, on the way.

 

All of Fenneltown's picturesque, almost identical houses are built around a beautiful harbour with small fishing boats of various colours in it, swaying lightly with the breeze. This harbour is the village's main attraction and greatest pride, and it occasionally brings the wandering tourist to Fenneltown.

 

Eventually, he reaches the largest beach just outside of town, with smooth, golden sand. This is what has given the beach the unoriginal name “Golden Coast”. It is the one most people his age prefer.

 

Sure enough, almost everyone he knows is there. Many are swimming, some - girls mostly - are lounging in the sun, trying in vain to get a tan on their pale skins. There is an impromptu game of beach volleyball going on. Mrs. Longbottom's son, Frank, and his girlfriend Alice are snogging passionately on a blue towel in the sand, as is usual for them ever since they got together earlier this year.

 

Remus advances towards a relatively unoccupied corner in the back of the beach. People start to gradually notice him and some can barely conceal their surprise, but everyone greets him politely regardless.

 

Remus reciprocates and spreads his ridiculous red-and-gold towel on the sand, taking off his shirt and leaving all his things there. He goes to the edge of the beach, takes off his flip flops and plunges headfirst in the mercifully cold water, exhaling in relief as he emerges.

 

After that, he swims toward the ocean in long strides **.** Despite having no inclination towards sports, Remus has been blessed with considerable strength and endurance, a fact that has been noticed by his schoolmates and, he thinks, has played a part in them respecting him.

 

Having sufficiently cooled down, he goes out, puts his flip flops on again and heads to his towel.

 

Before he can get there, he is stopped by Peter Pettigrew.

 

Peter is the closest thing Remus has to a friend. His parents' grocery shop is right next to their bookshop, and they have known each other since they were little babies, having been born with a difference of mere months. Consequently, Peter is the one Remus spends time with during school breaks and the one he pairs up with in school projects.

 

He is perfectly content associating with Peter. Sometimes though he feels like there is something, a deeper connection or understanding that is missing from their relationship, which prevents him from calling this friendship. The shorter, plumpier, sandy-haired boy's interests are limited to pining over girls who never give him a second glance and wanting to belong, to be one of the popular kids, if of course anyone could suggest that in a school with a total of sixty students there are popular kids.

 

Despite that, Remus greets him amicably. “Hello, Peter. How are you enjoying your newfound freedom?” he asks the boy. They finished tenth grade just a week ago, and even Remus was delighted in the prospect of having free time to read books he likes, spend time in the bookshop, and quite simply relax. Sadly, he hadn't taken the heat into account.

 

“I am enjoying it just fine. Swimming all day, sitting around, on my way to total boredom.”

 

Remus chuckles. “A noble cause, that. Sitting around to the point of being bored of it.”

 

It is evident that Peter cannot tell if Remus is sarcastic or not (he has never been perceptive in that sense), so he changes the subject. “Fancy seeing you here, though. What made you finally decide to join us?”

 

“The fact that my small room is slowly reaching the temperature of hell on a hot day. I couldn't stand it anymore.”

 

“Well, you did good. Come sit with me on my towel. I even have an umbrella.”

 

Remus casts a longing glance at his book towards the back of the beach but follows Peter, partly because a little company every now and then doesn't  _ hurt, Remus, stop being so secluded  _ and partly because the idea of an umbrella sounds very appealing under the morning sun.

 

He follows Peter to the middle of the beach, where he has his things, and he gratefully sits under his umbrella. He observes that Sam, a likeable, incredibly tall guy who has graduated this year, has put his towel close to Peter's trying to benefit from the shade that slowly moves his way.

 

Sam indifferently greets them with a small smile and a wave, and resumes dozing off on his stomach.

 

“So, I have something crazy to tell you about,” Peter says as they settle down. Remus resists the urge to roll his eyes, because the thing Peter usually deems as crazy are anything but. “I'm all ears,” he says nonetheless.

 

“Well, yesterday Anna, like the little brat she is, stayed out with her friends until late.” Anna is Peter's little sister, who has just finished primary school. “They were wandering around the village and screeching like little monkeys, y'know they reckon that just because they'll go to high school now they have a free pass to do whatever they want, mum was  _ livid  _ when she came home.”

 

Remus winces, thinking of Mrs. Pettigrew's high-pitched voice, completely unexpected due to her plumpy, like her son's physique, screaming at Anna. “I mean, she had it coming, mum never let  _ me _ stay out when I was her age...” Peter stops babbling. “Anyway, what I wanted to say is, while they were wandering around, they passed by The Mansion.”

 

This time, Remus  _ does _ roll his eyes. “Oh, come on Peter, don't tell me you’ve started believing this haunted house crap now.” The Mansion, as everyone has always called it, is a house in the outskirts of the village. Though it isn't quite a mansion, it is bigger and more ancient-looking than the others, thus having earned that nickname. This house has been empty for as long as anyone can remember, and people would believe it was abandoned, if it weren't for the stony-faced, silent workers that come on April 1 st every year, doing maintenance work for three days, and then leaving as suddenly as they came.

 

Many a villager have tried to bribe information from these workers about the owners of The Mansion, attempting everything, from striking up friendly conversation and offering them cookies, to inviting them to dinner. They, however, always politely but coldly decline their offers, never revealing anything.

 

By now, everyone in the village has accepted resignedly that they're never going to learn the truth, but that hasn't stopped them from theorising about it. Remus has heard everything over the years: that The Mansion belongs to Masons, that some disturbed rich person is hiding corpses in it, that the government keeps it as a safehouse just in case something happens.

 

Over the years, of course, ghost stories concerning the place have emerged, by people who don't have a basic understanding of the fact that the wind produces sound. Most people claim they don't believe them, but Remus sees them hurrying their step when they pass by at night. He himself was always mildly curious about the ownership of this house, but he never let it consume him, and he found the “haunted house” stories downright laughable.

 

“Just hear me out for a bit,” Peter protests. “Normally I wouldn't believe anything this twat says but...” he pauses.” Remus, she says they saw a light.” He stops for dramatic effect. Remus frowns. “And what's more, she says they heard laughter. Hysterical, manic laughter more terrible than anything you have ever imagined! Now, I know what you're gonna say,” Peter hastens before Remus can say anything, “but my sister is not  _ that  _ delusional, and she seemed scared out of her mind, she's not that good an actress either.” Remus' frown deepens, while he's struggling for something to say.

 

“Maybe the workers have come back again.”

 

“But there's no reason for them to do so!” Peter's voice dangerously approaches screaming. People near them are now listening to the conversation. “There was no damage that could justify that! Even when this storm three years ago had destroyed part of the roof, they only came to fix it next year! And they never stay  _ in  _ the house, always in Mrs Moore's inn! And besides, none of them has ever screamed like this!”

 

Remus is astonished at how uncharacteristically well-thought Peter's argument is, betraying that he's thought of this before.

 

“Oh, come on Pete.” Christine, a girl in their year with bleached blonde hair, square glasses and a bright pink swimsuit intervenes. “What you're saying is bullshit. Your sister probably came up with this story just to mess with you.” She rolls her eyes, blowing the piece of gum she has been audibly chewing.

 

Peter reddens in frustration, trying in vain to retort.

 

“I saw the light too.” comes an answer on Remus' right. Everyone whips their head at Sam, who is still lying down, blinking lazily. “I was passing by The Mansion last night, and all the windows were lit up. I even heard conversation.”

 

Everyone stays silent after that. No one can doubt Sam, who is always sensible, down to earth and popular with everyone.

 

“What the fuck,” says Alice, who has stopped snogging with Frank.

 

“Well,” Sam yawns, “I bet we'll find out what this is about sooner or later.” He stretches his arms and closes his eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song for this chapter:  
> Rockaway Beach - Ramones
> 
> Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, to Remus' chagrin, the sun is just as hard and unforgiving. Yesterday, Peter made him promise he would come to the beach again today, but he thinks he would've gone on his own anyway. The other boy's umbrella prevented him from getting a sunburn, and he had fun listening to everyone theorise about the lights and voices at the mansion, equal parts excitedly and panickedly.

 

Although he normally pays no mind to these matters, he can't help but wonder what the truth is. Unlike the others, though, he believes this will turn out to be something disappointingly unexciting.

 

He finishes up his breakfast (honeyed bread and milk), prepares all he will need for the beach and says goodbye to Hope, who is cooking chicken for lunch.

 

He decides spontaneously to pass by _Lupin's Lunar Library_ to greet the cats. His father, Lyall, takes over in the mornings, and Hope in the evenings.

 

The bookshop is his family's pride and joy and he plans on taking over one day. His mother was born in Fenneltown, but left to go study classics in London. She met his father, who was studying literature there, and they got married as soon as they finished their studies. When Hope became pregnant with Remus, they decided Fenneltown would be a much more suitable place to raise a child. Hope's parents having passed away, she had inherited her family home, and they moved there.

 

Opening a small bookshop was always a dream of theirs. They both take turns running it. When there is need, they also work as substitute teachers in Fenneltown high. The few times Remus voiced his guilt about them having abandoned London for him, they told him they now have everything they ever wanted: the business of their dreams, a comfortable life, and the best son they could have ever asked for.

 

The bookshop means more to Remus than any place; it was where he took his first steps, trying to chase their cat, Metis. It was where he learnt to read at the age of three, bent over a children's book, his finger slowly tracing the letters. It is where he spends rainy afternoons, immersed in good literature with a cup of hot chocolate nearby.

 

It is where he is heading now too, his pace fast.

 

The shop is small but cozy, painted in burgundy red. The marquee has the bookshop’s name as well as a moon design his mother painted in gold lettering. Part of it was even made by four-year-old Remus himself. He has a faint memory of his mother guiding his small hand with hers, his finger clutching the gold-dipped paintbrush.

 

 

Books of every type and era can be seen through the glass, from _Frankenstein_ to the latest volume of _The Gulag Archipelago_. Outside, their cats are lazing in the sun, apparently the only ones to enjoy the heat.

 

The cats are an integral part of the bookshop, and through the little cat door they can enter and exit it whenever they want. Remus bends in front of Minerva, or Minnie, as he likes to call her, their eldest cat (almost twelve years old!), Metis’ daughter, a grey striped feline with amber eyes. He scratches her ears and she half-opens her eyes, purring contentedly.  

 

After he’s finished with her, Remus greets the other cats: Achilles, a blond male, Hercules, a plumpier one with black fur and Venus, a small white female, always eager to be petted and to rub herself against people’s legs.

 

Finally, he bends over Ophelia, his favourite cat, who is white with black spots and has beautiful blue eyes. She is the only one he got to name himself, all the other ones having been named by his parents who have an obsession with Greco-Roman mythology, as his own name betrays. Paying homage to his favourite playwright, Shakespeare, was his small act of rebellion.

 

Ophelia herself seems to be aware of the special bond she and Remus share, always being much more affectionate towards him than the others. She mewls contentedly when she perceives him, rubbing her face against his palm and scratching herself against his finger.

 

Once she is satisfied, Remus enters the bookshop, Ophelia following him inside. His father is there, sitting on a stool in the far end of the shop, lifting his head from the newspaper he’s been reading to smile at his son.

 

Behind the counter sits Alex, a tall, thin blond boy with blue eyes and sporadic acne, who has just finished school. He works at the bookshop during the summer and winter holidays, an idea Hope had to give Lyall more free time (he still spends it in the bookshop anyway) and to help the lad make pocket money.

 

Alex is a guy who seldom speaks, with few but good friends and a tendency to have his head in the clouds at all times. It has always been a mystery among Fenneltown teenagers whether he is constantly high or not (the truth is he’s not; or is he?). Once, he showed up at the bookshop wearing different shoes on each foot and didn’t become aware of it until hours later. Another time, he went the wrong way while heading to the bookshop and was trying to unlock Mr. McKinnon’s coffee shop, confused as to why the key didn’t fit. A baffled Mr. McKinnon asked him what he was doing at his door, and only then did he understand that he was at the wrong place.

 

Perhaps it is those elements of his personality that have given him such a vivid imagination and an immense Gift for writing. The first time Alex read Remus and Lyall a poem, Remus can recall his hair standing up and his heart beating faster. This boy perceives the world in a way most people don’t; he is able to write in a manner which makes the eyes of the mind open and the soul ache.

 

Ever since then, Lyall has been trying to pull any strings he can, contacting old acquaintances from London, to help Alex publish his work. He has booked him appointments with quite a few publishers, and Alex will make the trip to London in early September, a month before he starts studying law, to present his work, because everyone acquainted with him knows that if Lyall Lupin claims someone’s literary work is _extraordinary,_ he means it with all his heart.

 

Remus greets Alex with a smile, and they start talking about a new undercover poet Alex has discovered, while Lyall occasionally contributes, observing them proudly.

 

“Are you going to the beach later, son?” his father inquires.

 

“Well, I certainly didn’t wear my swimsuit to show off my muscles around Fenneltown,” he responds. Alex chuckles.

 

“Ever the sarcastic, Remus, I wonder where you took that from.” They both smile, knowing very well that Remus’ sarcastic nature has been passed on to him by Hope, whose acidic wit is known by everyone in the village.

 

After staying for a little more and giving a kiss goodbye to Ophelia he takes off, heading at last for the Golden Coast.

 

He is in a good mood, humming Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” under his breath while he enters the beach.

 

Perhaps this mood is the reason why he doesn’t notice the shift in the atmosphere right away.

 

He spots Peter’s umbrella and heads there, preparing to greet the boy, when he notices his dumbstruck expression.

 

Just then he realises that the usual noises accompanying beach activities are missing; no one is playing sports, chatting or laughing.

 

Before he has a chance to ask anyone what is going on, he notices everyone’s gazes are fixed on something. At first he thinks they’re all looking at him, but their looks are a bit off focus for that. _They must be staring at something behind me._

 

He makes a 180-degree turn to find out what that is, and then he sees them.

 

Some meters behind him, on two identical red towels, are lying two dark-skinned, black-haired boys he’s never seen before in his life. The boy on the left has short, messy hair, a square jaw, prominent muscles and is wearing an expensive-looking, dark blue swimsuit. The one on the right has long hair, fairer skin, a sharp-angled face and what appears to be a cross earring on his left ear. He is thinner and less muscular than the one on the left, but no less fit. His swimsuit is a nice emerald green one. Both are wearing sunglasses, and Remus would think they are sleeping, if it weren’t for the identical knowing smirks on their faces.

 

_They are aware of the sensation they’ve caused and they’re smug about it,_ he realises.

 

For some reason, this observation both snaps him out of his reverie and slightly annoys him. He heads to Peter’s umbrella and spreads his towel underneath it, greeting its owner who pays him no mind, too busy gaping at the two strangers. He sits down and opens his book, determined not to participate in this folly. It’s not like this is the first time tourists visit Fenneltown.

 

_It is the first time they are mysterious and attractive boys our age, though,_ a voice inside his head supplies. _The girls will go livid._

 

Remus groans internally and wishes those two are on a one-day trip here, not because of any unfounded dislike towards them, but because he can already imagine the frenzy they will cause just by being here.

 

“Such lovely sunshine, eh, James?” a voice unknown to Remus remarks. He can’t help but snap his head towards its source along with the few that were pretending not to be paying attention to the strangers. “Much nicer than gloomy ol’ London, I’d say.”

 

The one who’s spoken is the long-haired boy. His voice is full of confidence and loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

“Much nicer indeed, dear Sirius,” short-hair answers. _Sirius? So there are other people as insane as my parents out there._ “We’re going to tan very nicely these weeks.”

 

_Oh God, did he say weeks? Well, peace and quiet was good while it lasted._

 

Everyone stares at them even more intensely after that. Even normally apathetic Sam is looking at them quizzically, his chin propped on his hands.

 

Just as Remus thinks this awkward and tense atmosphere is going to continue for eternity, Marlene McKinnon determinedly gets up and heads towards the boys. She extends her hand and they both raise their upper bodies from the ground and take off their sunglasses.

 

“Hi, welcome to Fenneltown. I’m Marlene McKinnon,” she says sweetly, smiling flirtily. Both boys reveal a set of unfairly white teeth and shake her hand. “So what are your names, then?” she asks as if everyone didn’t hear them just a few moments earlier.

 

“I’m James Potter,” short-hair says.

 

“And I’m Sirius Black. Nice to meet you, Marlene.” Long-hair’s voice is filled with innuendo while his eyes skim up and down her body, and Remus wants to puke in his mouth a bit, but despite himself cannot stop watching the scene.

 

“So…” Marlene twirls a strand of hair around her index finger. “What brings you here?”

 

“We came here for the summer. We’ll stay until the end of August.”

 

“Are you staying at the inn?” asks Adam, a tall brown-haired guy resembling a Ken doll.

 

“No, we’re staying at the outskirts of town.”

 

“So you’re the ghosts, then.” Remus remarks before he can stop himself. Sirius and James look at him confusedly and he reddens in shame.

 

“Uhm, I mean, you’re the ones living in The Mansion. The two floor house on the edge of Fenneltown. Some people saw lights there yesterday.”

 

Realisation dawns on James and Sirius’ faces. “Oh yes. That was us.”

 

“So, is the house yours? Are you brothers?” Adam asks again.

 

_They just introduced themselves with different surnames, idiot_.

 

“No, we’re friends. But we’re brothers in all but blood,” James remarks.

 

“Oh stop it, you sap!” Sirius protests and James tries to ruffle his hair, but Sirius is quick to bat his hands away. They play-fight for a little bit, and everyone watches them as if they’re the eighth wonder of the world.

 

“To answer your question, though,” Sirius responds after they’re finished, “this house has belonged to my family, the Black family, for generations. We just never happened to come here. This year, though, my parents let me go on holiday alone and gave me the house.”

 

Everyone is elated at finally finding out the truth about The Mansion and impressed over Sirius’ family being so open-minded as to let him go on vacation on his own with his best friend at the age of 16, as Sirius tells them they both are, when they ask their age.

 

“Damn, I wish I had a family like yours,” Christine laments. “My mum is always whining about how late I come home. I’m Christine, by the way.” She gives the boys a little wave.

 

“Yeah mate, your family must be great,” Adam muses.

 

Sirius smiles in a way that doesn’t really reach his eyes. “Yeah,” is the only thing he says in a small voice, casting his eyes down at his towel. Nobody seems to notice this except for his friend, who casts him a worrying glance.

 

“Anyway!” James exclaims brightly and suddenly, his voice a bit forced. “You guys should introduce yourselves to us!”

 

That’s all everyone needs. All of them except for Remus and Sam get up and crowd the two boys, shaking hands and uttering names that Remus is sure the boys will forget as soon as they hear.

 

Being surrounded by twenty people trying to talk to you sounds like Remus’ worst nightmare, but James and Sirius thrive in the attention, flirting with the girls and exchanging jokes with the boys.

 

“Well, well.” Sam smiles good-naturedly at Remus. “I’d better go introduce myself as well.” He gets up with one easy, fluid motion. “Those boys will make the next months quite interesting, I believe.”

 

Remus voices his agreement with a bemused hum, closing his eyes and lying down, Sirius’ sad smile momentarily flashing in his head before he surrenders his mind to the numbing heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our favourite boys are here!
> 
> These two were the shortest, introductory chapters. They will get longer and longer as we progress, and from the next one on, the plot kicks in!
> 
>  
> 
> Artwork by ElectraCute
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Desolation Row- Bob Dylan
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Sheena Is a Punk Rocker- Ramones  
> He's a Dream- Shandi
> 
> Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	3. Chapter 3

Every single student, from the youngest to the oldest one, has one single wish all year; for school to finish. Remus himself isn’t too bothered by school, but he’d be lying if he said he doesn’t wish for it to be over during the school year.

 

However, what everyone seems to conveniently forget before the holidays come around is the utter, mind-numbing, soul-wrenching  _ boredom  _ that accompanies them. During most of it, one simply does not know what to do. It seems like time slows down, like ten minutes last for an eternity, like days pass slower than a trail of snails.

 

Remus is right now a victim of this very boredom, sitting on his usual stool at the bookshop, watching an annoying fly doing circles above his head and Ophelia snore, her tail softly moving. Even this boredom though is better than the alternative; going to the beach and facing that circus again.

 

Mercifully, the newly arrived strangers paid him no mind yesterday and let him nod off in peace, too busy being worshipped by everyone else. Remus had just reached the blissful part of the sleeping process when one is an inch away from falling into deep sleep, when a unanimous cry of amazed  _ oooohs _ and  _ aaaahs _ startled him awake. From what Remus could gather in his sleep-fuzzy head, Sirius and James had gotten up to swim. In the process, Sirius had revealed a tattoo somewhere on his back, of a wolf, from what he recalled.

 

This had been particularly fascinating to everyone around because tattoos are very rare around these places, being considered something stupid and indicative of a rowdy character. No one in Fenneltown has any and the nearest tattoo parlour is miles away.

 

If Sirius and Remus had been intriguing before, they were upgraded to absolutely fascinating in that moment.

 

Which is why Remus has decided not to set foot on that beach for the rest of the summer. 

 

Of course, he has nothing against Sirius and James, because he simply does not know them. He thinks their smug and self-centered behaviour is completely harmless and only natural, given the circumstances. However, it doesn’t urge Remus to try and get to know them, especially when every other teenager in Fenneltown is fighting for their attention. Plus, this way his pride won’t be even the slightest bit hurt when they completely ignore him, like everyone else usually does.

 

That’s how he finds himself at the bookshop, for yet another day. He was hoping for some blessed calmness, but even this isn’t granted to him because Peter is at his parents’ grocery shop right next door; his mother has made him work as cashier while their other employee sorts the new products that have arrived.

 

Peter desperately wanted to go to the beach to meet Sirius and James again, and steals every moment he can, when there is no customer in the shop, to go to the bookshop and lament his fate to Remus, complaining about how  _ they’ll completely forget who I am now,  _ and commenting that he  _ can’t believe you’re here when you could be at the beach right now while I’m stuck here, Remus, life is so unfair. _

 

Remus has tried to convey to Peter that he would rather watch the fly move in circles than listen to him as politely as he could, but Peter didn’t get the memo, and so he has no choice but to pretend to pay attention to his rants with a long-suffering look on his face Peter either is completely oblivious to, or chooses to ignore.

 

Lyall and Alex were at first interested in the news of yesterday’s arrival and asked Peter questions he was all too happy to answer about the two boys, but now have apparently grown tired of him, irritation evident on their faces as well.

 

For a blessed half-hour, the Pettigrew boy hasn’t entered their shop and everyone’s mood has improved but just then, the bell behind the door rings again and Remus suppresses a groan.

 

“Fuck, Remus! I can’t take another minute of this!” Peter moans.

 

_ Neither can I, but you don’t seem to care about that, do you? _

 

“I know, Peter,” is all he says through gritted teeth. Remus is a very patient person, but this exceeds all limits.

 

“Jesus! There’s new packages arriving every damn time I think we’re finally done! I asked mum and she said this might last until the afternoon!” His voice ascends to almost a shriek, his fingers pulling at his hair. Lyall is now openly glaring at the boy, while Alex has, it seems, zoned out. Peter, of course, continues complaining.

 

“It seems mum has ordered products for the entire month, and  _ of course  _ it had to be on the day I was planning on making new friends. I wanted to make an impression today because yesterday everyone was all over them.”

 

This is too much to handle for Remus, who decides to tell Peter as kindly as he can to fuck off and leave him alone. He’s taking a breath to do so, when he sees something that cuts him off.

 

Through the marquee of the bookshop, he can spot James and Sirius passing by, chatting animatedly about something, Sirius gesturing his hands passionately. They stop in front of the grocery shop and enter it.

 

Peter, having his back to the door, hasn’t seen any of this. 

 

“Uh… Peter… don’t be alarmed but…” Remus starts.

 

“What is it?” Peter frowns.

 

“Uhm… James and Sirius have just entered your shop.”

 

Peter’s eyes widen in the fraction of a second. “WHAT?” he shrieks, making Remus wince. He whips his head towards the street and runs to the door.

 

“Oh fuck, oh shit, I can see them, Remus, what the fuck do I do?” he frantically mumbles, turning his head left and right. Lyall chuckles at his freakout, but Peter is too panicked to notice it.

 

“I’d suggest going to the shop and helping them?” Remus points out.

 

“Fuck, no, I can’t do this alone, I’m too nervous, please, Remus, you have to come with me!”

 

Remus feels the dread rising inside him. “Pete, is that really necessary? I don’t think...”

 

“Yes, Remus, please, I’ll fuck up and then they’ll laugh at me forever, please come with me!” 

 

Remus sighs heavily. “Fine, God, calm down, I’ll come with you.” 

 

Peter gives him a grateful look, pulling him by the wrist and lifting him off his stool.  “Thank you Remus, I owe you one, come on, let’s hurry.”

 

“Okay Peter, you can let go of my wrist now.” Peter lets go and apologises while dashing out of the door.

 

Remus follows him at a much slower pace, his heart beating faster at the prospect of interacting with two people his age that he doesn’t know. It’s not a common occurrence. Everyone in Fenneltown has known each other for years.

 

They enter the Pettigrew grocery shop, Peter’s franticness having evaporated and given its place to nervousness.

 

“No James, you  _ won’t _ be attempting any sort of cooking whilst we’re here, I don’t fancy having to hear Walburga’s screams when she learns that the house burnt down!” can be heard from two aisles over.

 

“But we can’t survive on frozen food and snacks for three months! We’ll get fat and die!”

 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Potter, we aren’t going to die! Besides, we might befriend someone who  _ can  _ cook and have them teach us!”

 

“Oooh, I like your idea, I’d love to have that lovely bird Christine cook for me.”

 

A faint thump is heard. “Don’t be a sexist pig, James, women aren’t our slaves!” Remus is equal parts pleased and surprised by Sirius’ answer.

 

“Ow! You didn’t have to hit me on the head, I know that! I’m just saying that if she offered…”

 

“Can we focus on the shopping?” Sirius cuts him off.

 

“Yeah, alright.”

 

The two boys stop conversing. Remus gestures towards the direction their voices sounded from to Peter, who shakes his head no with a terrified look on his face. Remus rolls his eyes and drags him by the wrist, while Peter yelps.

 

Sirius and James come to view. They are standing in front of the fridge with the frozen products, their backs turned on them. Sirius lifts a bag of peas with his two fingers as if it’s something disgusting, and puts it down again. 

 

They are dressed casually, in bermuda shorts and plain t-shirts that look simple but at the same time expensive. Sirius’ hair is tied in a bun.

 

Remus clears his throat and the two boys abruptly turn around. After they get over their startlement, the looks on their faces are ones of bewilderment. They clearly don’t recognise either of them.

 

A glance at Peter shows him the boy isn’t going to be able to talk anytime soon, so Remus decides to take matters into his own hands.

 

He walks in front of James and Sirius and extends his hand. “Hello. I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself yesterday. My name is Remus and this is Peter. His parents own this shop.”

 

The two boys smile tentatively. Sirius is the first one to shake his hand. “Nice to meet you, I’m Sirius and this is James.” From this close, Remus can see Sirius’ eyes are a grey he hasn’t seen before, and James’ a dark brown.

 

“We wanted to welcome you to Fenneltown, although we’re sure we haven’t been the first. If you need any assistance or have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask.” Remus realises he sounds like a hotel receptionist and embarrassment floods him. The boys are kind enough not to indicate they’ve noticed Remus’ rather formal way of speaking and thank him for the offer with small, impersonal smiles.

 

There is an awkward pause after that. Remus scrambles for topics to discuss. “So, what are you shopping for?” At this point Remus thinks he could win the Olympic Gold for Most Awkward Small Talk In The History Of Ever, but he tries to appear casual. Peter is is still out of order, gaping at them in a way that can be deemed disturbing.

 

“Well,” James responds, “mostly snacks and frozen products we can just heat in the oven. We’re not the best cooks around”. 

 

Remus has figured as much from the conversation he overheard. “Well, if you ever want a homemade meal, Pete’s mum here is a mean cook and would love to feed you.” 

 

For the first time, Sirius and James smile in a way that looks genuine, having accomplished what he previously heard they were aiming for.

 

“We’d love to, if Peter’s alright with that.”

 

Thankfully, this is what snaps Peter out of his stupor.

 

“Oh yes! Of course! Anytime you want, lads! My mum loves having guests over!”

 

“Thanks, we really appreciate it mate!” they answer cordially to Peter, the offer warming them up to him.

 

“So, since this place is your family’s would you mind helping us find what we want?”

 

Peter seems about ready to burst with happiness. “Certainly lads, what are you looking for?”

As James and Sirius explain what they want to Peter, Remus figures this is his chance to leave. The boys seem to have forgotten about him completely, including Peter, who is too busy worshipping his new heroes. He tries to quash the pang of disappointment over this development, because it’s not like he expected anything different. 

 

Just as the three of them are turning around a corner and Remus is preparing to go, Sirius turns around. “Remus? Will you come?” 

 

Remus thinks he sees pity in his eyes, and frustration grows in him, because the last thing he needs is people tolerating him out of charity, but he nods his head nonetheless and joins them. 

 

They wander around the shop while Peter recommends products and tours them around the different sections, chatting to the boys excitedly, now that his initial shock has passed. Remus mostly hovers awkwardly nearby, trying desperately to find an opening and join the conversation, but by the time he thinks of an appropriate answer the others have moved on to new topics.

 

After ten minutes or so, Sirius and James’ arms are full of all kinds of unhealthy edibles. Remus is slightly worried about their well-being, should their nutrition consist solely of these products for three months. Peter goes behind the cashier, sums them up and starts putting them in bags.

 

“Oh! Lads! I totally forgot to tell you! On the first Saturday night of the holidays, me and the rest of the Fenneltown students gather in the Ivy Bay, a beach a bit further from the village. Some light a fire and we play games and such. This is tonight, if you wanna come.”

 

This ritual had started many years ago, and every high-schooler in Fenneltown gathers there every year. Even Remus hasn’t missed any. He knows that this year Peter has managed to nick a decent quantity of alcohol from the grocery shop and Adam, whose family owns the liquor shop, has taken every kind of cheap spirits his dad was willing to give him. In reality, the alcohol and the games is a pretext to give couples who dance around each other all year the perfect opportunity to get together.

 

This prospect seems appealing to the two boys, who agree they’ll meet everyone in Fenneltown square at ten to join them. They say their goodbyes, clap Peter’s back and thank him for his offer -  _ as if he was the one to offer _ , Remus thinks before he is able to control his bitterness. They give an impersonal nod to Remus and exit the shop, carrying several heavy bags with the kind of ease that indicates occupation with sports.

 

After this, Remus is far too exhausted to return to the bookshop, so he says goodbye to an ecstatic Peter and heads home instead. He wolfs down his mother’s pie and goes to his room. He closes the blinds and the curtains and engages in the best summer activity; the midday nap.

 

When he wakes up, he’s groggy and disoriented and his room is darker. He stumbles to the living room and his father informs him that it’s seven o’ clock.  _ So I’ve slept for five hours.  _ Remus is very impressed at himself and makes coffee to try and wake up.

 

Hope returns from the bookshop at eight and the three of them dine, his father telling his mother about Peter’s frenzy and the two new boys. He asks Remus what happened in the grocery shop and he answers in short sentences, not wanting to admit the boys mostly ignored him. 

 

An hour later he is walking the barely-lit alleys of Fenneltown, heading to the meeting point. A pleasant summer breeze is blowing and Remus closes his eyes momentarily, letting it tingle his skin.

 

He arrives right on time. The only one already there is Sam.

 

Remus and Sam strike up a conversation about the bookshop, while gradually more and more people arrive. Frank and Alice make an entrance hand in hand. Marlene, Christine and their other friend, Georgia, arrive all together wearing mini polyester skirts and makeup.  _ They’ve made an extra effort tonight _ , Remus muses and strongly suspects this is due to the arrival of a certain duo, although Georgia, a short, ridiculously thin girl with trendy clothes, straight brown hair and glasses, has been flirting with Adam for the past month.

 

_ They deserve each other, _ Remus muses. They are both conceited and put appearance over everything.

 

Then come Adam and Mike, a tall, thin, incredibly fit but mostly unattractive guy with brown hair and blue eyes in Remus’ class. Mike is the only one who has ever picked on Remus. He quickly realised this wouldn’t earn him any popularity points because no one actually dislikes Remus and stopped, but makes a point to always speak to him in a mocking, condescending tone and shake his hand in an ironic manner. 

 

A few days before the end of the school year, Mike decided to go out with a bang. That is, to bang his girlfriend in the school lab during a break, while his friends guarded the door. Everyone was talking about it excitedly. Remus has never before wanted to kill anyone so much.

 

Adam and the others are holding bags with bottles of alcohol, which makes a cheer erupt from everyone present. When Peter comes, a bit later, out of breath and holding a significant amount of bags himself, everyone mostly ignores him. Then comes Lucy, a girl with hay-blond hair, big blue eyes and alabaster skin. She is soft-spoken and friendly and every boy has tried to conquer her to no avail. Remus suspects it has become a contest at this point.

 

Peter approaches her. 

 

“Hey, Lucy, will Irene come today?” Irene is Lucy’s best friend, a brown-haired, sweet girl who is the best student in the class after Remus. Irene is friendly with everyone, speaking to the popular guys with the same warmth as to Peter. 

 

Peter, of course, has mistaken this as Irene liking him. Remus can tell this is not the case at all, but he sees no harm in Peter devoting his attention to one girl who will no doubt let him down gently, instead of making a fool of himself because he tries to hit on the likes of Christine or Georgia. This is why he says nothing to him.

 

More people from other years that Remus has never really spoken to, arrive in small groups.

 

By the time Sharon, a girl with blond hair and green eyes from Remus’ class arrives, there are about twenty of them.

 

“That’s all of us, yeah?” Adam asks after throwing a quick look around. “We can go now.”

 

“Actually,” Peter chimes in, “we’re still waiting for James and Sirius, the new guys.”

 

Everyone’s heads perk up. The girls’ in excitement, some boys’ in annoyance. Remus can’t blame them. He has no doubt these two will steal the show.

 

“Well, it’s already quarter past ten,” Mike complains. “We can’t wait for them forever.”  Though Remus doesn’t have any particular affection towards James and Sirius, he’s still disappointed that they apparently won’t come. It would be amusing to see Mike get annoyed and the girls make fools of themselves. Plus, from their limited interaction this morning, Remus has gathered the impression that the two friends are nice people.

 

“Oh shut it, Mike. It’s not like  _ you _ were on time,” Marlene retorts.

 

“It’s true, but  _ I _ belong here. Those guys don’t. They shouldn’t have been late. Let’s go.”

 

“WAIT!” a voice sounds from somewhere in the dark. After a bit, James and Sirius appear, slightly panting. James has what seems to be a guitar case strapped on his back.

 

“Lads, lasses, we’re terribly sorry we’re late, but  _ someone, _ ” Sirius casts a pointed look at James, “couldn’t find his glasses.”

 

“Well, that’s only because _ someone _ decided to hide them and couldn’t remember where,” James glares. 

 

“No matter!” Sirius exclaims. “Are we ready to go?” Everyone murmurs affirmatively and Mike starts to head to the Ivy Bay. Everyone else follows.

 

Peter goes and greets James and Sirius, who pat him good-naturedly on the back. Remus stays behind, walking alone.

 

After a ten-minute walk, during which they pass by the Mansion, they reach the beach. It is quite similar to the Golden Coast, only huge rocks are surrounding it from every side, except from the one where it meets the sea. To enter it, one has to get knee-deep inside the water and go around a rock that reaches the sea. Every boy who has a girlfriend carries her across, bridal-style. 

 

Sirius approaches Marlene. “M’lady?” He offers his hand, all princely-like. “May I assist you?”

 

Marlene smirks like the cat who got the canary. “You may assist me in whatever you want.” Sirius smiles at the innuendo. He picks her up under her friends’ jealous, sour looks, and they go around the rock. Remus rolls his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time. 

 

Peter has suffered enough rejections of his services to know not to offer the same to any girl. After the rest of them pass through, Remus and Sam go over.

 

People have already started forming a circle, while Adam and Mike gather rocks and pile wood for the fire. Remus sits between Lucy and Sam, while Peter elects to sit opposite him, between James and Sirius. Christine sits to the right of James, while Marlene makes herself comfortable to the right of Sirius.

 

Small conversations form, and after a few failed attempts, the decently sized, amateurish fire is lit in the middle of the circle.

 

Peter and Sam make sure to pass around plastic cups and bottles of liquor, which are so many that over half of the kids are holding one by the time they are all distributed.

 

Remus finds himself holding a bottle of good quality whiskey. He plans to drink just one cup, solely to not appear snobbish. Fortunately, there are also crisps, popcorn, peanuts and other snacks from the Pettigrew shop.

 

“Alright everybody!” Adam claps his hands and everyone stops talking. “Welcome to the annual Fenneltown summer extravaganza!” Everyone cheers and claps. “Most of you have been in one of these before, but we’re happy to welcome James and Sirius.” A loud cheer as well this time, with some girls overcompensating for some boys’ unenthusiastic reaction.

 

“Our first game, as always, will be the famous Suck and Blow!” 

 

Everyone bursts into immature laughter, while Adam smirks. He pulls a card from his pocket and shows it around. “Now, as you see, I have an ace here. The rules are very simple: You put this card on your lips and you suck it.” Adam waggles his eyebrows suggestively and the girls giggle. “Then, using your mouth, you pass it on to the person next to you. Whoever drops the card has to chug one. Georgia, will you help me demonstrate?”

 

Georgia, who is sitting on the other side of the circle, is all too happy to do so. She gets up and prances towards Adam. He puts the card on his lips and passes it on to her. She sucks it from his mouth without problem. Everyone claps. 

 

“If you want to, you can switch seats to be next to whoever you want,” Adam advises.

 

Remus knows this means everyone should sit in a boy-girl sequence. After all, passing the card on is practically a kiss with a layer in-between. Remus ends up having Lucy on his left and Sharon on his right. Every couple and couple-in-the-making is sitting next to each other. Sirius is now directly opposite Remus.

 

“Alright, lads! Pour your drinks!” Adam commands and everyone does so. Remus pours four fingers of whiskey, because experience has taught him he is not good at this game. 

 

“I’ll begin!” Mike volunteers and Adam gives him the card. He puts it on his mouth and passes it on without problem. The card passes through everyone, but when it arrives to Remus, he drops it. He sighs and takes a small sip of his drink.

 

“Oh come on!” Sirius protests. “You call that a sip? You’ve barely wet your lips!” Remus always drinks like that when obliged to and no one has ever demanded he drink more, because no one cares. Apparently, though, Sirius Black wants to make his life difficult.

 

He puts the cup to his lips again and downs a decent amount this time, trying not to wince from it. Sirius thinks he’s enough of a pussy already without him making sour faces. “Happy now?” he asks, annoyance evident in his tone.

 

“Very,” Sirius replies sarcastically. “Well, pass the card on, then.” Remus does so, his mood already sour because of Sirius’ rudeness, and the game continues. Peter is the second one to drop the card. He shrugs and drinks.

 

After the card has come full circle, they do it counter-clockwise. When it reaches Sirius, he takes it from his mouth with his hand and puts it down. “Sorry, I just wanted a sip.” He grins and chugs the whole cup down. Remus raises his eyebrows while Sirius wipes his mouth and smirks in a smug manner. A few people make noises of admiration. Sirius fills his cup again.

 

_ At this pace, he won’t be able to walk afterwards.  _

 

Peter, of course, drops the card again, being as bad as Remus at this. 

 

Remus makes a valiant effort to take the card from Sharon but naturally fails again. He hears a snort from Sirius’ way.

 

This time, he drinks a decent amount. Sirius gives a small nod of approval, and Remus feels a twitch of misplaced pride.

 

_ We’ll see how proud I am when my head kills me tomorrow. _

 

After another round, during which Alice, Peter, and Remus lose (and Sirius, despite not losing, finishes his second drink and pours another), Adam gets up again.

 

“Alright, alright! Is everyone enjoying themselves so far?” 

 

A cheer erupts. Remus makes a small noise of approval. He pours more in his cup.

 

“It is now time for some classic action, the legendary game of Truth or Dare!” Another cheer. Remus sighs in annoyance. Truth or Dares in Fenneltown are played in every party and have become boring and predictable. Remus is in no mood to see Peter’s underwear or witness Mike snog someone for the hundredth time.

 

However, no one else seems to share his opinion. 

 

“Alright then, pour your drinks again,” Adam commands and everyone obeys. Sirius takes a fortifying sip and fills his cup to the brim again. Remus is truly starting to worry at this point.

 

“So normally, what we do is spin the bottle. Whoever chickens out on a dare, doesn’t answer a truth or fails to do something right will have to drink.”

 

Adam spins it first, and it lands on Georgia. “Georgia gets to ask first!”

 

“Alright then, Alice, truth or dare?” she asks without hesitation. Georgia’s dares are always nasty, so Alice picks truth.

 

“Are you still a virgin?” she raises her eyebrows. Alice goes red as a tomato.

 

“Ummm for the time being… yes” she says after an uncomfortable pause. “Too bad,” Georgia sighs theatrically. Alice frowns at her and spins the bottle.

 

“Mike asks now.”

 

“Christine, truth or dare?”

 

“Dare,” she answers without hesitation. 

 

“I dare you to take off your shirt and flash us.”

 

Everyone looks suddenly more interested than before. Some boys wolf-whistle. James and Peter look quite satisfied with the prospect, while Sirius just turns impassively towards Christine, sipping his drink. Remus feels utterly disgusted.

 

“Who am I to say no?” Christine takes off her shirt slowly. Underneath, she is wearing a red swimsuit. Everyone’s eyes are glued on her. She puts her hands on her top and pulls it down and up again so fast barely anything has a chance to be seen. Most boys hoot and applaud all the same.

 

Two dares later, Adam dares Marlene and Sharon to snog. They kiss softly for about five seconds and every single boy is mesmerised. Remus cannot understand what they find so enchanting.

 

_ What a bunch of primitive idiots, _ is all he can think.  _ What is the appeal in this clearly awkward spectacle? _

 

After everyone has snapped out of their trance (and some have adjusted in their seats) the bottle lands on Adam, who dares Georgia to kiss whoever she fancies, a cheap move to make her kiss him, which of course works. She climbs on his lap and they set on to snog in the most disgusting manner possible, in Remus’ humble opinion. 

 

_ I have to get through this shitshow somehow. _ He finishes his drink and pours some wine which he starts drinking as well. He is already feeling more than mildly tipsy, a sensation he thinks he hasn’t experienced before. His extremes are a bit numb and despite everything, he feels a fuzzy pleasantness settle in him.

 

While still kissing Georgia, Adam fumbles for the bottle and spins it, while he announces they should consider them out of the game. The bottle points at Lucy.

 

“Uh, James, truth or dare?”

 

“I’ll start with truth.” He flashes a smile that betrays he is more than halfway drunk. 

 

“Pussy,” Sirius mumbles while unsteadily pouring his (third? fourth?) cup and James thwacks him on the head. “Oi! Bastard! I could have spilled that!” Sirius protests but James pays him no mind. He turns his attention to Lucy.

 

“Well, then, do you fancy anyone right now?” she asks.

 

Sirius lets out a groan that is very amusing and almost inhuman, and James hits him harder this time.

 

“Well, if you must know, I am currently infatuated with a very lovely lady that goes by the name of Lily Evans.” Sirius continues groaning. “She’s in my year at our school in London, and she’s the prettiest girl there is. She’s the best in our class and sings like an angel and does musical theatre or whatever. She’s amazing when she plays.”

 

“Oh, are you together, then? Lucy asks. “As if,” Sirius mumbles.

 

“Sadly not yet, but soon enough she’ll be mine! I can tell she’s already starting to give in to my charms. Ah… If only she were here with me now, instead of with that greasy git Snape in London…” James’ face hardens. “When I get back, I’ll hang him by the underwear on a tree. That arsehole will see what…”

 

“ENOUGH!” Sirius yells, startling everyone, even Adam and Georgia. “Will you spin the fucking bottle already?”

 

“Alright, calm down, don’t be so jealous of me and Lily!”

 

Sirius rolls his eyes and takes another sip. “Yes, whatever you say, just spin the goddamn bottle.” James complies this time and the bottle points at Sirius, who, to Remus’ astonishment, smiles at him smugly.

 

_ Oh no. _

 

“Remus! Truth or Dare?” It has to be the alcohol, or maybe it’s the fact no one has picked Remus on this game before, that makes him choose dare.

 

“You’re a little daredevil at heart, aren’t you?” Sirius winks at him and Remus feels kind of funny.  _ Must be all this alcohol I’ve drunk. _

 

“Well, then, I dare you to kiss the fittest girl in this place.” Honestly, Remus is kind of relieved. He expected much worse.

 

Remus figures the safest option is for him to kiss is Lucy. Everyone else either is taken or he doesn’t know them well.

 

He has only ever kissed one person before, a girl that came to Fenneltown for the holidays last year. She was nice and seemed to genuinely like him, and so he had felt obligated to give her what she wanted. It was… nice, but he thinks he might have done something wrong because it felt a little underwhelming. It can’t possibly be that everyone his age goes crazy for something as bland as that.

 

He turns to Lucy. He gives her half a smile and an apologetic look, but she just smiles and nods.  _ She understands _ , Remus realises and isn’t nervous anymore as he leans towards her. His kiss with Lucy is soft, chaste, and lasts just enough for Sirius to not be able to complain about half-arsed attempts this time. 

 

When they pull apart, he turns to look at him and discovers that he has a skeptical, frowning expression on his face Remus can’t understand the cause of. He spins the bottle only half-aware of what he’s doing and it lands on Peter who dares someone to get into the water. Remus isn’t paying attention.

 

What he’s paying attention to is Sirius, who is now sipping from his cup absentmindedly and staring above Remus’ head at the rocks, the moonlight softly illuminating his face. Looking at him like that, Remus can understand what has sent Marlene and the other girls in a frenzy. He seems to almost belong in another word, with his long black hair that cascades down his shoulders, his angular face, his dreamy gaze.

 

_ He puts all the girls to shame, _ Remus muses and then frowns at his drink.  _ Wow, what am I even thinking? Remind me to never drink that much again. _

 

He is snapped out of his thoughts by Sam asking an otherwise occupied Adam if he is allowed to dare two people at once. Adam gives a thumbs up and continues sucking on Georgia’s neck.

 

“Well, then, I dare Sirius and James to climb on top of that rock!” He points at the one behind his back, which has a height of approximately twenty meters.

 

Remus is horrified. “What are you talking about? They’re drunk! They’ll fall off and die!” 

 

“Awww, you’re worried about us, Remie?” Sirius puts a whiskey bottle to his mouth, takes two sips, wobbles to his feet and ruffles Remus’ hair on his way to the rock, barely managing to stand. “Don’ worry, me and Jamie here are excellent climbers. You comin’ Jamie?” he calls at his friend who also gets up. 

 

“Sure we are! We’ll climb this wall no problem!”

 

“‘s a rock, Jamie.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

Remus’ heart is beating faster as they reach the bottom of the rock. “Oh my God, I can’t bear to watch this.”

 

Sam himself seems to reconsider his dare. “Lads, maybe Remus is right, maybe this is a bad idea!”

 

“Remus won’t tell me what to do!” Sirius retorts and starts climbing. James follows suit.

 

Everyone is watching them in awe and horror. Even Adam has stopped sucking face with Georgia to witness this. Surprisingly enough, they have reached the middle with no problem.  They continue climbing slowly but steadily. “Best holiday ever, right, Jamie?” Sirius shouts while putting his hand higher above. It slips and Remus almost faints, but he puts it back quickly. Eventually, they both reach the top of the rock and everyone erupts in deafening cheers. Sirius bows down to them, satisfied, and he and James start to unsteadily climb downwards.

 

By some miracle, they reach the ground unharmed, with one final jump and everyone claps. Sirius approaches them smiling, opens his mouth to say something...

 

… and pukes.

 

Everyone disgustedly gets up and backs away. Remus was in the line of fire, so there is a bit splattered on his shoes.

 

“Oh, God, I think I climbed too quickly,” Sirius whines in a trembling voice, doubled over his stomach. James approaches him with worry.

 

“I say we should call it a night, guys!” Adam suggests with a disturbed look on his face, taking Georgia by the hand. “It’s one o'clock already!” Everyone tiredly agrees, and one by one, they leave the same way they came. 

 

Lucy, Sam and Sharon pick up the rubbish and put out the fire, while Remus is looking with concern at Sirius who has turned a deathly pale colour.

 

“God. I don’t feel so well,” he murmurs exhaustedly. He wretches and pukes another time, wiping his mouth with his hand when he’s finished. 

 

“Yeah, I wonder why, you only downed an entire bottle of whiskey and then climbed a rock,” James says softly, rubbing soothing circles on his back, completely disregarding the mess Sirius has made or the dreadful way he smells.

 

“Damn right I did,” Sirius grants him a small smile and James laughs. “‘m sleepy now, though,” he leans his head on James’ shoulder. Remus can’t help but feel endeared at their closeness.

 

“Do you think you can walk home?”

 

“Nahhh I’m dizzy. Can’t do that. Carry me.”

 

James sighs tiredly. “Oh come on Sirius, I’m not peachy myself. I can’t carry you all this way.” Sirius pouts.

 

“I could,” Remus chimes in hesitantly. James looks at him quizzically. “Carry him home, I mean.”

 

James is even more confused now. “But… he’s got puke on him. And he stinks. And he might puke on you again.”

 

“It’s alright, I’ll survive. He clearly can’t do this alone.”

 

“Wow, what can I say, Remus… Thank you so much.” James looks at him full of gratitude and with a little guilt, probably because of them having ignored him so far.

 

Remus, who at this point has sobered up completely, approaches Sirius and lifts him off the ground. Sirius puts his arms around his neck and nuzzles his puke-smeared mouth on Remus’ chest. Remus suppresses a disgusted shiver and starts walking towards Fenneltown. James picks up his guitar and follows in tow.

 

This time Remus doesn’t bother taking his shoes off to exit the beach, plunging them in to the water. Sirius hums “ _ I am the Antichrist…I am the anarchist”  _ under his breath.

 

“Is that the right time to be singing the Sex Pistols?” James comments and Sirius half-heartedly sticks his tongue out. “Sh’t up. ‘m serenading my saviour.” Remus tries to suppress his smile, his shoes squeaking while he’s walking the road to the village.

 

Eventually, after what seems like an eternity, during which Sirius seems to have nodded off in his arms, they reach the Mansion. James takes the keys out of his guitar case, unlocks the front door and gets in with one final  _ thank you _ to Remus. Remus softly whispers to Sirius to wake up and puts him down on his feet. He is disoriented at first but then understands where he is and heads to the door. 

 

Remus feels awful. His shoes are wet and covered in dirt, his shirt has puke on it, he is sleepy and has a growing headache. He bids his goodnights and turns to go home.

 

Sirius’ hand pulling at his shirt stops him. He turns around. 

 

“You’re not so bad, Loopy,” he murmurs and smiles a small, genuine smile, his eyes sleepy. He waves goodbye and closes the door.

 

Remus doesn’t feel so awful anymore.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Anarchy in the U.K. - Sex Pistols
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Summer Nights - Grease Cast  
> Heartbreaker - Pat Benatar
> 
> Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, after taking care of a slight headache with a painkiller and filling his empty stomach, Remus starts wondering how is Sirius faring. _Probably vomiting in the toilet or something along those lines._ he reflects.

 

Up until lunch, he tries to smother an inexplicable urge to go check how the long-haired boy is doing. _He is in good hands. You’ll probably bother them if you pass by. It’s not like they would want you there, anyway._

 

Despite trying to reason with himself this way, though, the urge hasn’t lessened at all by the time afternoon comes. He cannot even concentrate on finishing his book. He puts it down with a sigh.

 

“Oh for God’s sake! I carried Sirius all the way to his house in my bloody arms! I have every right to go check on him!”

 

“Did you say something, Remus?” Lyall calls from the living room. Remus reddens.

 

“No dad! I was just talking to myself!”

 

He decides not to visit the two boys empty-handed and so he goes to the kitchen to make some orange juice. An uncle of his visited recently and brought with him so many oranges there is barely space for anything else in the fridge. His mother is trying to get rid of them by all means possible: making juices, cutting them and serving them after food, making orange cakes. At this point, even the water they put in the fridge tastes faintly like orange.

 

After he’s made a satisfying amount he fills one of the empty wine bottles his mother keeps for various purposes and goes to the door.

 

“I’m  going to visit some friends. See you later!” Remus calls out.

 

His father raises his eyebrows, but before he has the time to ask which friends he is referring to (he rarely visits anyone but Peter), Remus has exited the house.

 

He walks fast-pacedly to the edge of the village where the Mansion is, not wanting to lose his courage. Some people greet him and he greets back absentmindedly.

 

After a five-minute walk that felt like half an hour, he has reached the imposing house. It is surrounded by a small, pointy fence, that serves more as a warning than as a way to keep someone out: after all, the Mansion itself seems impenetrable.

 

He steps into the yard. He never had the chance to observe the house so closely, and from that distance it seems even more imposing and frightening.

 

Whoever designed it didn’t even remotely try to make it blend in with the rest of the small, white-walled, red-roofed houses of Fenneltown. It is the only two-storey building in the village. Its exterior walls are grey and its windows big. On the second floor, protrudes a small balcony with rusty rails that look about ready to fall off. Its roof is pointy and its colour is a darker grey than the walls.

He swallows drily, all of his courage seeming to abandon him at once. _Come on, Remus. You came all this way. The house isn’t haunted and James and Sirius won’t bite._

 

He advances through the empty, plantless yard to the big black oak door. He looks around and finds no doorbell, only a big, heavy knocker, painted in gold. He lifts it hesitantly and lets it fall on the door. It barely makes a sound.

 

Taking another fortifying breath, he lifts it again and bangs loudly. It echoes through the inside and Remus winces.

 

 _“Who the fuck….”_ he hears a voice that must be Sirius’ from the inside. There are some crashing noises and some curses, and then he hears James. _“Oh for fuck’s sake, just stay put. I’ll open it.”_

 

The footsteps are getting closer and closer, and then one of the doors opens and James is in front of him.

 

He is wearing a white, ratty Rolling Stones t-shirt with a hole under the left armpit, black shorts and his thick, black glasses. His hair is a wild mane, even wilder than it normally is.

 

He appears surprised but obviously pleased to see him, and Remus relaxes.  “Hi there, Remus! Didn’t expect to see you here!”

 

“I came to check on you. After last night I was a bit… worried.”

 

James smiles widely. “Oh we’re fine! I didn’t drink that much anyways, and Sirius was kind of sick in the morning but then he puked once or twice and now he’s peachy.” He glances at the wine bottle. “I’m afraid we won’t be using this for the near future though.”

 

“No, no, this is just orange juice. I’m not so irresponsible, you know.”

 

“Yeah, I can tell.” He smiles kindly. “Thanks a lot.” He takes it from his hand. “Would you like to come inside?”

 

“Sure, if I’m not any bother…”

 

“Are you kidding me? You carried Sirius home even though you barely know him! Until he fell asleep he was babbling about what a gentleman you are.”

 

Remus feels himself blushing. “It was nothing, really. Anyone would…”

 

“Well, I beg to differ. Will you come inside?”

 

“Sure.”

 

The first thing Remus notices as James steps aside and leads him in is that the living room is _big_. The ceiling’s reaching higher than any building he’s ever been to, and it is spacious in length as well. The walls are painted an unassuming beige, but there is a carving of some flowers in part of it. It is considerably less threatening than the exterior, though, a fact that puts Remus at ease. Two couches, two armchairs and a coffee table around which the rest are positioned are the only furniture, a fact that makes the living room look even bigger.

 

The second thing Remus notices is the _mess._ His eyes widen in horror as he takes in the shirts, pants, shoes, wine bottles, crisp packages, sheets, pillows,  pieces of food and the occasional book scattered all over the floor and furniture haphazardly, as if someone fired a bomb that contained them.

 

Sirius is lying on one of the sofas. When he spots Remus, he says hello with a smile and Remus distractedly returns the greeting, too caught up in his surroundings.

 

“Hey! Earth to Remus!” Sirius is snapping his fingers. This makes Remus turn his attention to him.

 

“Oh, sorry, I got a bit distracted”. He finally focuses on Sirius, whose long dark hair is uncombed and who has faint black circles under his eyes. Then he notices he is wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and he suddenly is very uncomfortable, though he cannot fathom what for. He’s seen him in a swimsuit before.

 

“Remus came to check on us!” James supplies when he fails yet again to speak coherently.

 

Sirius’ face brightens. “Oh, that’s so nice of you, Remus. How do you like the house?”

 

“It’s very nice. Very big...Very nice furniture. Although, it is a bit messy.”

 

“Oh, don’t be polite, Remus. It’s a proper pigsty.” James corrects him.

 

“Well, to tell you the truth, yes.” Remus says, relieved that the boys didn’t take offense. “How did you manage to cause this in just three days?”

 

“Well, it’s just a natural talent of ours.”  James answers, smiling with pride.

 

“So help you God if you continue at this pace.” Remus smiles. “By the end of the Summer, you’ll be drowning in a sea of garbage.”

 

“Well, why don’t we...Why don’t we clean it?” Sirius suggests, sitting up.

 

James whips his head at him. “What did you just say?”

 

“That we should clean this. You said it yourself Jamie, it’s a pigsty. We can’t live like this for three months!”

 

“Our dorm is worse than this and we live in it all year!” James protests.

 

“Yes but, if we’re to have people visiting…” he casts a glance at Remus and immediately averts his eyes timidly.

 

“No, I...don’t bother on account of me…” Remus protests, flustered.

 

“Well, if you want it so bad, by all means.” James prompts Sirius as if he didn’t even hear Remus and proceeds to sit down and pick up his guitar.

 

“There’s no chance you’re getting out of this Potter, you’ll help!”

 

“I can help, too.” Remus offers.

 

“You don’t have to.” Sirius says.

 

“I want to.”

 

“Perfect, then.” Sirius smiles.

  
  
  


***

 

In the end, James gives in and starts helping them by picking up the rubbish from the living room. Sirius and Remus look for cleaning supplies, which they find them in a small storage room.

 

Sirius bends forward to pick up a broom and a bucket. That is when Remus notices the tattoo everybody was talking about.

 

It is located on Sirius’ left shoulder blade and it depicts a realistically inked wolf, howling, with a huge full moon behind him. It is not too big but not too small either.

 

“Nice tattoo.” Sirius turns around and smiles. “I’ve always liked wolves.” Remus continues. “I feel like they are my animal for some reason.”

 

“Probably because of your name, right?”

 

Remus is astonished Sirius knows the meaning behind it.

 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. They teach us mythology in school. And literally everyone knows the myth of Remus and Romulus.”

 

Remus decides not to comment on the fact that Sirius goes to a school where they teach _mythology._ “No one here has ever noticed it.” He points out instead. It is a running joke on my father’s side of the family, because our last name is “Lupin”. He thought it would be fun for me to be called “wolf-wolf”. His parents did it to him as well.”

 

“How did they name him?”

 

“Lyall. Meaning wolf in ancient scottish.”

 

“Wow. That’s extreme. And brilliant!”

 

“I guess so. It’s a good joke. Plus, I like my name. How did your parents let you have one of these though? You can’t have them on your own until you’re eighteen, right? They must be really open minded.” This is what he has concluded by this and the fact that they let him go on holidays alone.

 

Sirius’ face falls a bit. “Actually, I did it without telling them. I went to a tattoo parlour and pretended I was eighteen. I don’t know if they believed me, but they clearly wanted the money I was offering them.”

 

Remus raises his eyebrows. “Wow. That’s...extreme”

 

“If you think that is extreme, you should have seen my mum’s reaction when she saw it. She threatened to disinherit me. And she grounded me for months.”

 

Something in Sirius’ expression tells Remus he should change the subject.

 

They pick up as many supplies as they can and carry them to the living room.

 

When they arrive there, James has sorted the clothes onto one pile and the rubbish onto another. They each set to a task.

 

After about two hours that feel like an eternity, the living room begins to look like a living room again. James has worked hard this whole time, while at some point half an hour ago, Sirius proclaimed some music would make this more pleasant, and put a record on the turntable by some band called The Buzzcocks. The record is full of fast, simple riffs, not particularly melodic vocals, and lyrics about fast cars and failed romances.

 

It’s not exactly Remus’ taste, and since he put it on, Sirius is swaying his hips more than mopping, and singing almost every lyric by heart. _“_ _And I don't like French kissin'/'Cause you swallow my tongue/And you think that you're oh so very old/You only want me 'cause you think I'm so young”._ He mouths while thrashing his hair wildly and swinging the mop on his hand.

 

“He is insufferable.” James sighs. “He plays that record all the time. I don’t know how he isn’t bored of it yet.”

 

Remus hums in agreement, but cannot bring himself to mind. Sirius is moving with abandon and grace, using the broom as a microphone: he is an amusing sight. Remus finds himself staring at him, distracted, instead of cleaning, on more than one occasion.

 

Eventually, there is nothing more to be done and everyone is lying tiredly on sofas and armchairs. Every inch is spotless, the equipment has been put away, the record is over and the needle is bumping again and again against its center, making a dull sound every time.

 

“See? don’t you feel better now that everything’s clean?” Sirius asks James in a half-dead voice.

 

“No. I’m exhausted. And hungry.” James complains.

 

“Me too. I feel like I could eat anything.”

 

“What are you gonna eat for dinner?” Remus asks, his eyes half closed

 

“I don’t know. Crisps? Or have we eaten all of those?” James asks.

 

Remus moans. “Crisps? You’ve been planning to survive on nothing but snacks for almost three months?”

 

“What else can we do?” Sirius murmurs.

 

“Alright, you know what, I’m going to cook for you.” Sirius and James’ heads perk up at this.

 

“Cook for us? Are you serious? You know how to cook?”

 

“No, he’s Sirius” He points to him. Sirius chuckles. “And yes, I know how to cook. Mum makes me help in the kitchen now and then. I’m going to the Pettigrew shop to pick up the ingredients. Does anyone want to come?”

 

Both of the boys get up, to Remus’ surprise. Sirius goes upstairs and puts on clothes, they take their things and step outside.

 

The sun blinds Remus a bit, because the mansion is not that well lit.  It is almost eight o’ clock, but it is still high in the sky. The heat has died down a bit, though.

 

When they step inside the Pettigrew shop, Peter’s eyes go wide as saucers. He steps out from behind the cashier. “James! Sirius! Hi! How are you? Did you enjoy our little gathering yesterday?”

 

“We’re fine Peter, and yes, we did enjoy it.” James replies.

 

“So, what brings you here?”

 

“Our dearest Remus here,” Sirius puts an arm around his shoulder and Remus swallows, “will cook us something!”

 

Peter turns to Remus, acknowledging him for the first time. “Oh, good!” he says though his tone betrays he is kind of jealous of the guys becoming familiar with Remus. “Do you want help with something?” he says to him.

 

“No, thank you, Peter, I think I know the way around.” He smiles to conceal his annoyance at Peter, who did not even greet him.

 

Peter steps around the cashier anyway, standing next to James. Remus heads to the pasta section and Sirius’ hand slips off his shoulder. He releases a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

 

After he’s gathered everything necessary to make this simple yet tasty plate, while Peter induces meaningless conversation and Sirius looks at every material Remus picks up like it is exotic, they head to the cashier. Peter sums up the products, puts them in bags and Sirius pays before Remus can object.

 

“Lads…” Peter begins “Would you mind if I came with you? The shop’s closing in half an hour anyway.”

 

James tells him that of course he can come, and Remus resists rolling his eyes.

 

They arrive back at The Mansion and while Peter is too busy being in awe of the huge house, Remus puts the ingredients on the bench of recently cleaned kitchen, which adjoins the living room. It is not very big, but certainly bigger than Remus’ small kitchenette.

He has taken out everything and starts boiling water in a pot and cutting up the ham for his “pasta à la crème with ham and mushrooms” when Sirius steps into the kitchen.

 

“Peter has asked James to teach him the guitar and I don’t want to be there to see the results.” Remus can decipher some faint strumming that must be coming from James, followed suit by some clumsy, out of key scratching.

 

_“No, no, you put your finger here, not there, and careful, you’re going to break a string, do this softly.”_

 

“I daresay James has made a mistake by agreeing to this.”

 

“Tell me about it. This is going to end in disaster. So, can I help you with anything?”

 

Remus looks around. “You can cut the mushrooms if you like.” He puts a cutting board in front of Sirius, tears the package of the mushrooms open, picks up a knife and demonstrates with the first one how they should be cut. Sirius gives him a thumbs up, takes a second one and almost cuts off his finger.

 

“No, no, you have to protect your fingers, you have to cup them like that” Remus demonstrates  with his own hand. And you have to grip the knife more firmly.” He steps behind Sirius and adjusts his fingers. “And now with the other hand you hold the mushroom steady, as I told you…Yes, a bit more firmly...Perfect. And then you cut it in the middle.”

 

He puts his hand over Sirius’ on the knife and he guides it into cutting the mushroom correctly, looking over Sirius’ shoulder to see what he’s doing, faintly registering that his hair smells of fruity shampoo. “Exactly. This is it.”

 

He notices Sirius has gone silent and realises with a start he is practically a few inches short of hugging him from behind. He steps back quickly, his cheeks flaming.

 

“So, uhm, do the others as I showed you, I’m going to boil the pasta now.” Sirius nods wordlessly, he himself appearing to be red. Remus is cursing himself in his head. He is only just beginning to make a new friend, and he wouldn’t want to scare him off by giving him the wrong idea.

 

Sirius doesn’t call him a disgusting faggot, though, and gradually, the awkwardness wears off and Sirius is talking to Remus animatedly about their boarding school which he loves, and how students are assigned into houses when enrolled, and how he and James met each other because they share the same dorm since they were eleven, and how they love pulling pranks on their rival house, and about how their vice principal, Minerva, who is also head of their house, punishes them severely when they are being mischievous but secretly loves them.

 

After he’s cut all the mushrooms without further incident, as well as the ham (Remus is careful to demonstrate without getting touchy this time) and while he’s in the middle of telling Remus all about James’ embarrassing obsession with one clever redhead named Lily Evans, both the pasta and the sauce are ready. Remus is almost sorry Sirius will have to stop his narration, but takes down plates and cutlery from the cupboard and they advance to the living room.

 

James and Peter seem to have given up on the guitar, and Peter is asking James questions about his life in London, starstruck by his wealthy status.

 

After more search in the drawers of an ancient-looking furniture, Remus finds a tablecloth and lays it on the small table between the sofas and armchairs.

 

Everyone immediately digs in the pasta and puts sauce on top. Sirius takes a bite and lets out a moan. “Oh, God! I had forgotten what normal food tastes like! And this is awesome, Remus, the cooks in my house have nothing on you!” James hums in agreement.

 

Remus is embarrassed but satisfied by the compliment and tries to thank Sirius, when Peter exclaims “‘ou ‘av cooks in ‘our ‘ouse??” With his mouth full, spitting bits on a disgusted Remus.

 

Full-mouthed conversation eventually leads to the topic of their families. James is an only child, he learns, whose parents are wealthy doctors. Sirius is a bit more cryptic about his family, simply stating that they come from “old money”. The only time he smiles a bit, is when he mentions his little brother, Regulus. Remus remarks on the family’s love for constellations, and Sirius informs him that he has a whole bunch of cousins named after them. It is a Black family tradition.

 

Remus has an inkling that the long haired boy’s relationship with his family is not very simple, and so he switches the topic to his, talking about his parents, his bookshop and his cats.

 

“Oh my God! I want to see your cats! Could we visit tomorrow?” Sirius asks eagerly and Remus can’t help but smile.

 

“Yes, of course, just name a time and I’ll be expecting you.” Remus replies, satisfied. No one has ever expressed such an interest in the bookshop.

 

After agreeing to be there by noon, Remus and Peter bid their goodnights and return to their respective homes. When Remus informs Lyall some friends of his will visit the bookshop tomorrow, he is surprised but happy. Remus goes to sleep with the hope of something new and good blooming in his chest.

 

***

He decides to be at the bookshop by 11:30, so as to arrive before anyone else. To his relief, when he steps out, sporadic clouds cover the sun and the faintest idea of a breeze is cooling his face.

 

When he arrives, however, he is surprised to see Sirius already in front of the bookshop, kneeled before the marquee, petting Minerva and cooing at her. The boy has his hair up in a bun, and is wearing his green swimsuit, a plain white shirt and flip-flops. Remus,not daring to disturb the scene in front of him, stands observing it for a while, his arms folded, a fond smile on his face.

 

Eventually, though, he clears his throat and Sirius turns abruptly, yelping, and almost loses his balance.

 

Remus steps forward and helps him get up. “You sneaky bastard! I almost had a heart attack!” Sirius accuses.

 

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist” Remus smirks. “I see you’ve made friends with Minerva.”

 

“She’s named like Minne! My vice principal!” Sirius is giddy with excitement. “She is now officially my favourite. She’s such a beauty.”  

 

“She is, though she’s a bit old now. I must say I’m impressed though. She’s the most antisocial out of all our cats.”

 

“Goes to show that no Minerva can resist me!” Sirius chuckles. Remus smiles and kneels next to him. They pet her together and she seems satisfied by the attention she gets, faintly purring. Their hands brush accidentally once or twice and it makes Remus’ stomach feel uneasy, so he tries to prevent it from happening.

 

After Minnie decides she’s had enough, she gets up and leaves them. The boys get up as well.

 

“How come you were here early?” Remus inquires.

 

‘I just couldn’t sleep. The heat, you know. So I thought I might as well.”  he gestures to the bookshop. Remus hums in understanding and opens the door. “Come in, then.”

 

He holds the door open while Sirius steps tentatively inside, looking around and above his head. Inside, there is only Alex, who raises his head from a book in german and greets them with a wave of his hand. He gets up and introduces himself to Sirius. They make small talk about their age and school. Alex then informs Remus his father is running some errands in the post office, and asks if it’s alright to leave them and go buy some beer. Remus nods affirmatively and Alex leaves.

 

“Beer? At 11 in the morning?”

 

“Yes, Alex is like that. He has the strangest whims from time to time. I’m used to it”

 

Sirius shrugs and goes back to his inspecting. He approaches the classics section, taking out Plato’s “Phaedrus”. Opening a page at random, he traces the original text with his finger, murmuring the ancient words. Remus observes him, shocked.

 

“You can read ancient greek?” He asks, an edge of manicness in his voice.

 

“Yes, a little. Our school teaches us both greek and latin. We studied some of this one this year. I like the books, but I’m shit at understanding the original.”

 

“This is amazing, Sirius. And I’m sure you’re greater than you let on.” Remus observes, admiration coloring his tone.

 

Sirius’ ears redden a little. “You’re quite the Classics fan, aren’t you?” Sirius diverts, putting the book back on the shelf and turning to Remus.

 

“Yes, I am. I wish I could read the original text, but all I’ve managed is teach myself the alphabet and a few words. Our school doesn’t teach us anything like that, of course.”

 

“I’m sure you’re greater than you let on, too” Sirius answers and it’s Remus’ turn to blush.

 

Sirius moves around the bookshop, observing the shelves thoroughly, giving an affectionate scratch on Hercules’ head, who is currently lying on the counter.

 

He abruptly stops in front of the Victorian literature shelf. Remus follows his gaze, and finds he is staring at Oscar Wilde’s “The Picture of Dorian Gray” Sirius hesitantly extends his arm, for some reason not daring to touch it.

 

“Have you read it?” Remus asks softly.

 

“No, I’ve… my parents always say the worst about Oscar Wilde. They say he was immoral and perverted and they don’t have a single book of him at home. I’ve always wanted to read one to spi… to see if they were right, but I’ve never had the chance.”

 

Remus ponders for a bit about the contradiction Sirius’ family presents in his mind. They were lax enough to give him a house on his own at the age of sixteen, but every time Sirius talks about them his mood instantly drops. Their son can get a tattoo and get away with it, but they forbid the works of Oscar Wilde, deeming him immoral.

 

He disregards his curiosity for the time, taking a copy and putting it in Sirius’ hands.

 

“There. You can have it. Read it and tell me what you think.”

 

Sirius widens his eyes in surprise. “I don’t have money on m…”

 

“I don’t want money. It’s a gift. A token of friendship, if you like.” Remus says, embarrassed, not wanting to assume he and Sirius are friends if the long-haired boy doesn’t see it that way.

 

“We _are_ friends, Remus” Sirius says earnestly and Remus’ heart soars. “But I still can’t accept this for free.”

 

“Ok then.” Remus resigns, “I’ll make you a deal. I will lend it to you and if you like it, you’ll buy it from me. If you don’t you’ll return it. How does that sound?” Sirius ponders this for a bit, nodding affirmatively after a while.”Thanks, Rem.” He hugs him suddenly and briefly, turning to the book immediately after.

 

 _This is the first time a friend has hugged me_. Remus observes, and it’s a weird thought. He thinks back to when he read “The Picture of Dorian Gray” while Sirius leafs carefully through the book. It was last Summer, and he’d stared off into the distance for what felt like an eternity, emotional and in awe. Somehow he suspects it will have an impact on Sirius as well.

 

The doorbell chimes just then, James and Peter entering the shop, Peter laughing about something James has said. James looks around, a little more carelessly than Sirius, his expression bright.

 

“Nice shop you have there, Remus. Very cozy.” Remus thanks him while Peter tries to poke Hercules, who very nearly scratches his hand.

 

James moves through the shelves, stroking the spines as he goes. Abruptly he stops, uttering a strangled sound. “Ugh! It’s “Les Misérables"! That musical Lily is obsessed about! I have to read it to impress her but it’s so huge! Remus, why is it so huge?”

 

“Well, it contains a veeery detailed description of Parisian drains.”

 

James scrunches his nose. “Anything for love.” He declares and puts the two tomes on the counter with a thump, startling Hercules who takes off running, and latches onto Peter who howls in pain. Remus and Sirius try really hard not to laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lame serious/Sirius joke, but you know how it is. If you don't make it at least once in your fic, the Wolfstar police deletes it immediately.
> 
> Song mentioned in this chapter:  
> Sixteen-The Buzzcocks
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	5. Chapter 5

Every summer in Fenneltown is like the previous ones, and this one is no exception. Like every summer, Mr. McKinnon sits all day in front of his small electric fan in his coffee shop, until his wife forcefully drags him to their house. Like every summer, Mrs. Pettigrew gossips with everyone about everyone, and yells at her children for coming home late. Like every summer, ice-creams melt on little children’s hands, the sun is scorching, the sea is warm.

It’s the same old film, played over and over every year without fail.

 

For Remus Lupin, though this summer is not like every summer. Because this summer, Remus Lupin has  _ friends.  _ This summer, Remus is part of a group, a group of people who appreciate him, and listen to him, and treat him as their equal.

 

It is now the beginning of July, and Remus is heading to the beach, Sirius on his right, James on his left and Peter in tow, laughing himself silly over the tale of James and Sirius sneaking into their school’s kitchens and swapping the salt with sugar and the faces of the whole school when they tasted the sweet roast beef and the salty tarts.

 

“I’m telling you, Remus, simple but effective,” Sirius preaches in a teacherly tone. “The easiest ideas are often the most impactful.” Remus nods in agreement, still laughing.

 

“You guys are geniuses!” Peter exclaims, full of admiration. Over the last two weeks, his worship for them has reached slightly worrying levels.

 

Just then, a wicked idea crosses Remus’ mind. “Lads… what if… what if we pull some pranks here? On the villagers?”

 

“Remus, my lad, you too are a genius!” Sirius smacks him a kiss on the cheek and Remus tries to resist the urge to touch it. 

 

He and Sirius have come close these days, and he is almost used to his bursts of spontaneous affection when he is very excited about something, despite it being a starkly different behaviour to the one every other male around him has.

 

Since the Mansion is big enough, Remus and Peter sometimes sleep over. The upper floor has four bedrooms and so everyone has their own room.

 

One time, Sirius came into Remus’ room to ask him something about Oscar Wilde and they got so caught up in conversation that he didn’t leave until the early hours of the morning.

 

Ever since then, in the middle of the night, while James and Peter are snoring, Sirius and Remus sometimes stay up in the latter's room and talk about literature, about music, about their opinions on every matter that comes to mind. Their conversation is effortless and natural, like the stream of a river. Remus is surprised to find how much they agree on. He doesn’t think he’s ever had that kind of instant connection with anyone before, and it thrills him. 

 

He still hasn’t been able to find out much about his family, but he thinks he’s getting there, as he and Sirius are more open with each other every day.

 

Sirius had loved “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, as Remus had predicted, giving him the money to purchase the book with fervour. Despite his disappointment when he learnt this is the only Oscar Wilde novel, he has started reading his plays and poems, often taking them to the beach with him.

 

Most of the other teenagers in Fenneltown were quite surprised over James and Sirius choosing to form a group with Remus and Peter, of all people. No one but Christine has expressed this out loud though, and when she asked Sirius why he doesn’t spend more time with their group instead of with Remus and Peter, he retorted in a not so kind manner and James instantly lost any little interest he had in her. 

 

Since then, everyone has more or less resigned to the fact that James and Sirius spend all of their time with the last people they expected them to.

 

They reach the beach while conspiratorially discussing about their potential victims, Remus having to debunk several silly ideas and suggest some better executions of good ones.

 

“I wish we’d had you at school, Rem. I bet we wouldn’t get caught half the times we do,” James admires and Sirius nods fervently. Peter’s look sours a bit.

 

They execute their first simple prank there, digging a hole under Christine’s towel while she isn’t looking and placing it again innocently. Sam smiles amusedly, while Mike and Marlene guffaw and Irene, who has made a rare appearance, looks on worriedly.

 

When Christine screeches hilariously and falls, the boys are sitting on their own towels indifferently, Sirius only raising his aristocratic eyebrow from his copy of  _ The Complete Plays of Oscar Wilde _ in reaction. Christine suspects them but isn’t clever enough to know how to confront them.

 

If the Fenneltown kids think this is a one-off occurrence to punish Christine for her comment, they are soon proven wrong. The next day, Sirius shows up at the beach with mysterious red spots all over his body, while Remus, James and Peter keep a fearful distance. He claims he has contacted some mysterious illness that could be contagious, but he will swim either way. When he steps foot in the water, everyone runs out, some of them screaming. This time, the others can’t contain their laughter.

 

It escalates from there. They convince Peter to fill his mother’s shampoo bottle with red hair dye and they let him sleep in the Mansion when she chases him out of the house with a broomstick, threatening to chop his hair off. They order naughty magazines by mail and stuff them in the boys’ beach bags while they aren’t looking. Several mothers discover them, to hilarious results.

 

Their pranks are silly and childish, but this is part of their appeal, in true harmony with the refreshing carelessness the summer inspires.

 

One morning they are passing by the bookshop to greet Mr. Lupin when he asks them: “So what are you marauders up to?” James and Sirius look at each other with ecstatic expressions. Ever since that moment, their group has a name.

 

Soon enough, everyone in the village learns that you should never eat something the Marauders offer you, or believe anything Sirius tells you with sweet, innocent eyes. The biggest surprise for everyone is that quiet, unassuming Remus is just as unreliable. One of the biggest assets of the pranksters is that Lyall and Hope’s son is the last person they expect would engage in this type of shenanigans.

 

Remus, however, knows that contrary to what the villagers might think, this behaviour is not something that goes against his character, but a dormant part of him that didn’t have the chance to manifest itself. Until now, that is.

 

It is the seventh of July, and the Marauders are celebrating the success of their most elaborate and long-prepared prank yet, using some old discarded equipment Remus’ parents kept in their warehouse to interfere with the radio signal and convince everyone the Prime Minister was paying a visit to Fenneltown. Peter has nicked a few bottles of wine for the occasion and the four of them are well on their way to drunkenness, lounging on the second floor and flinging grapes to passersby from the balcony.

 

“Bingo!” James yells as Mr. Johnson, the restaurant owner, looks confusedly upwards. “I’ve got four now, you lot are useless suckers! You haven’t even aimed right once!”

 

“Shhhhhhh,” Sirius protests, swaying on his chair: “You’ll give us away!”

 

“I hate to break it to you, Sirius, but they’ll know it’s us anyway. They know who lives here,” Remus supplies, suppressing a giddy laugh. He is staying awake at midnight, throwing grapes at people! What has his life become?

 

Sirius pouts. “Why d’you have to be so clever all the time, Rem?”

 

“I’m sorry, I’ll try not to,” Remus says earnestly because Sirius is his friend and he likes Sirius and he hates to see him pout.

 

“No, it’s fine. I like that you’re clever,” Sirius answers and Remus’ heart starts beating faster for reasons he can’t decipher.

 

“Gaaaay,” James slurs and Peter laughs. Sirius sticks his tongue out. “Shut up. Besides, of course you’d get the most people, you play like two million sports.”

 

Remus knows that James is captain of his school’s football team and also plays tennis and handball. “Exactly. I am superior. Bow down to the grape-throwing king!”

 

“In your dreams, Potter,” Sirius smacks him on the head. “Now that I think about it, isn’t this exactly what Evans said when you asked her out last time?”

 

Now it’s James’ turn to smack Sirius. “Shut up, she’ll come around. No girl can resist my charms for that long.”

 

“Lily Evans can apparently both resist your charms and kick your arse while doing it.” James makes an indignant noise and Remus giggles. He has a feeling he would get along with Lily splendidly if he ever met her.

 

“What are you giggling for?” James demands indignantly while Sirius looks at him with a drunken smile.

 

“Nothing, really. And in all honesty, James, I think Lily fancies you.” James’ expression transforms into one of exhilaration, while Sirius instantly frowns.

 

“How do you even know that?” he demands “You haven’t even met her!”

 

“It’s just… the way you describe her reactions. If she didn’t care about James at all, she would just act indifferent, or annoyed.”

 

“But she does act annoyed!”

 

“From what you describe though, she doesn’t simply get annoyed at him… She gets  _ angry. _ She chases him and hits him and yells at him over nothing even when he hasn’t paid her any attention. That means she actually cares.”

 

“Remus, mate, I love you!” James declares, gets up and hugs him with all his weight. While he struggles to stay upright, he sees Sirius’ frown deepen even more. Right now, he almost looks genuinely angry.

 

“That’s quite enough, James, you’ll suffocate him.” He stumbles a bit, pulling his friend away by the shirt. “See what you’ve done now, Remus, his ego will reach the stratosphere. He will act arrogant and Evans will never want him,” he accuses harshly.

 

Remus is at a loss as to why Sirius is suddenly angry at him. “I only…”

 

“What do  _ you _ know about girls anyway? Have you ever been in a relationship?”

 

“No.”

 

“That's what I thought.”

 

Be it due to the alcohol or not, Sirius’ words hurt him more than they should. Tears threaten to gather in his eyes, and he wordlessly gets up and leaves, hearing James ask “Fuck did you say that for?” angrily, as he steps down the stairs. 

 

He looks for his bag for a bit, finally finding it under a sofa in the living room and opens the door. Just as he is about to step out of the porch, though, he hears urgent footsteps and then a hand is on his shoulder.

 

“Remus, wait!” Sirius begs, slightly panting. Remus considers leaving anyway, but then sighs and turns around.

 

“What do you want, Sirius?”

 

“I’m sorry, Rem, I shouldn’t have said that, don’t know why I did.”

 

Remus knows he should stay angry for longer, but it evaporates at Sirius’ words. Now he just feels deflated. “It’s true, anyway,” he murmurs. “Girls don’t come chasing after me like they do with you and James. But that doesn’t make me less of a person, Sirius, nor does it excuse your putting me down because of it.”

 

“I know that, Remus, and it doesn’t matter to me what girls do. I don’t care either way.” At this point, Sirius looks like a kicked puppy and Remus sighs, softening.

 

“Look, I accept your apology. And I know you didn’t mean it. Just… sometimes you say hurtful things without thinking about it. You should try to contain that a bit.” It is something Remus has observed about the long-haired boy lately. When he is angry or in a bad mood, he’ll attack where it hurts without hesitation or regard for the other.  He knows, however, that Sirius is in fact a good-hearted person; he just has some problems with controlling his temper.

 

“I will, Rem. I know it’s no excuse but… there’s been some issues with my family, and I’ve been kind of in a bad mood.”

 

“Did you get some news yesterday?”

 

“Yes. How’d you know it was yesterday?” Sirius asks, surprised.

 

“You just… you were overly cheerful, like you were trying to disguise you were actually upset.”

 

Sirius stays silent for a while, and Remus fears that he’s offended him.

 

“Wow… Usually only James can tell, and it’s taken him years. You can read me well, Remus.”

 

Sirius stares at him in a way he can’t understand and a weird feeling blossoms in Remus’ stomach. “Anyway… your family… is everyone okay?”

 

“Oh, yes, they’re all fine. It’s…” he trails off. “Look. I promise one day I will tell you, alright? I just think now is not the right time.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I won’t pressure you.”

 

“I know you won’t. I want to tell you.” They stare at each other silently for some time. The weird feeling intensifies.

 

“Anyway, will you come in?” Sirius breaks the silence. “We have to kick James and Peter’s arse in chess again.”

 

“Alright,” Remus smiles and follows Sirius. Before he unlocks the door, he pauses again, his back turned.

 

“For what it’s worth, Remus, I think the girls are idiots for not chasing after you. If I were a girl, I’d be all over you.”

 

Remus tries really hard not to whimper, as Sirius disappears behind the door.

 

***

 

Despite his assurance, Sirius seems to have forgotten his promise to Remus to speak about his family. It has been a week since that near-fight outside the Mansion and he hasn’t brought it up once. Remus is still curious and a bit disappointed, but he meant it when he said he won’t pressure his friend, and so he doesn’t bring it up.

 

On the bright side of things, though, Sirius seems to have gotten over whatever it is that happened with his family, going back to his relaxed, careless self. However, another issue has arisen. Well, not exactly an issue; Remus doesn’t even know if what he observes is true or if it is all in his paranoid head.

 

It’s just that ever since that night, Sirius appears to be a bit more… distant towards Remus. Granted, he speaks to him with the same warmth and friendliness as before, jokes and teases him just as much but… Remus has the suspicion he avoids being alone with him and touches him less. Their late night conversations have all but ceased, Remus passing by Sirius’ room by night to see him lying down, his back turned, through the half-opened door.  _ Maybe he’s just tired, _ he reasons with himself, though he can’t help but feel the pang of disappointment every time.

 

Sirius has also stopped coming to the bookshop alone, always showing up with James. Remus is glad to see James, of course, but for reasons he can’t explain he also feels the pang of disappointment every time he spots James’ wild mane of hair behind Sirius.

 

Of course, Remus doesn’t say anything, because more often than not, his worries sound silly even to himself.

 

There has been another slow change in the last few days: James and Sirius have started talking more to the girls. It started when Sharon offered to help lure Marlene into a beach prank, showing her a five pound note lying on the sand. When Marlene bent to pick it up, James, who was buried underneath, jumped up and gave her the scare of her life. After the initial fright, Marlene had laughed with all her heart.

 

Since then, James has shown an interest in Sharon, declaring that until the love of his life, Lily, comes round, he is allowed to have some fun. Sirius had clapped his back and encouraged him to  _ go show her the Potter charm _ , to Remus’ surprise, who, from his reactions whenever James talked about Lily, had concluded that Sirius was not happy with the idea of James being in a relationship, probably because he thought it would mean that he’d spend less time with Sirius.

 

When he gathers the courage to ask Sirius about it, though, while James is talking to Sharon at the beach and Peter tries to awkwardly flirt with Irene, he just shrugs: “I don’t have a problem with James being in a relationship, God forbid, that would be very problematic. I’m just not that fond of Lily Evans, is all.”

 

“Why? Has she done anything to you?”

 

“She hasn’t done anything, per se, she just thinks I am a worthless, lazy, immature prick because I have money and James and I used to pick on that disgusting slime of a person she calls her best friend. We’ve stopped doing that now,” he hastens to add when Remus eyes him critically. “But it seems she can’t wrap her little head around the concept that people change. And in any case, there’s enough people in my life thinking I’m useless without her adding to it.”

 

Before Remus is able to say anything, Sirius’ entire posture changes, and he smiles widely. “Anyway! Enough of this talk! Race you to the sea!”

 

Remus sighs but caves in, getting up and following an already running Sirius.

 

***

 

Not much time passes before James and Sharon actually become an item. Two days later, they show up at the beach holding hands, and when a sour-looking Christine asks what this is about, they exchange an open-mouthed french kiss that leaves Remus slightly appalled.  _ He set out to get her and managed to do so in five days. How wild, _ he muses to himself.

 

James doesn’t stop spending time with them, not by any means, but some nights he goes out with Sharon instead of staying in the Mansion with them, leaving Remus, Sirius and Peter to play any games that can be played with three people.

 

After getting with Sharon, James is practically equal to a god in Peter’s mind, who sometimes makes sly remarks about how far James must have gotten with her, oblivious to the disturbed looks everyone around, including James, casts him.

 

One of these nights when the three of them are sitting in the Mansion, having just eaten a bucket of cookies-and-cream ice cream each and holding their stomachs full of bliss, Peter addresses Sirius.

 

“How come you’ve not gotten with any bird, mate? I bet half of the girls in the village would kill to be with you.”

 

Remus tries not to openly glare at Peter and his meddlesome tendencies.

 

“He’s not obliged to get with a girl just because they want him, Peter.”

 

“I’m just saying he’s throwing away an opportunity. When girls as fit as Marlene McKinnon wet their knickers over him…”

 

“For Christ’s sake, Peter, could you be a bit less crude?” Peter’s objectification of women is getting to his nerves.

 

“Oh, come on, Remus, I don’t mean any offence, I’m only saying. You’d have to be a fag to not want to grasp an opportunity like the one Sirius has.”

 

Sirius hasn’t spoken at all during their dispute, and when Remus turns to look at him he doesn’t look pleased. Before Remus has the chance to scold Peter again for making his friend so uneasy, though, he speaks up.

 

“You know what, Peter has a point. I’m not a queer, I’m here on my own and I can do whatever I want. Why not get myself a girl?” he asks, looking at Remus the whole time, with something akin to provocation in his eyes. He turns to Peter. “So, Pete, d’you reckon McKinnon’s got the hots for me?”

 

Peter smirks triumphantly and begins to talk about it, while Remus turns his back to them and stares at the wall, a sentiment rising in him that feels very much like betrayal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh... Looks like someone's in denial!
> 
> Song for this chapter:  
> Brass in Pocket - The Pretenders
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, guys! I can't wait for the story to get to the next chapter :,))  
> Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	6. Chapter 6

Amongst the Fenneltown youth there is talk of a new disco that has opened this June in a nearby town, a few kilometers from the village. Adam and Mike went and claim it was proper fun, with good music and a disregard for the drinking law.

 

Consequently, some of the girls have suggested a little excursion on July 14th and mostly everyone is thrilled with the idea. James has already promised Sharon he will accompany her, and is now trying to persuade the rest of the Marauders.

 

Peter, of course, agrees immediately. Remus and Sirius do not cave so easily.

 

“James, I’ve told you a million times! I don’t like discos! I can’t dance, I don’t like drinking and I hate spending the whole night standing up in a place with blinding lights and blaring music!”

 

“You make it sound like hell on Earth, Remus, I’m sure that if you come you will enjoy it.”

 

“Could you stop pressuring him, James? He said he doesn’t want to come! What do you care if we join you anyway? You’ll be with Sharon all the time!”

 

“You know that’s not true, Sirius. It will be more fun with the four of us together. And besides,  _ your _ reason for not coming is downright ridiculous!”

 

“I am allowed to not like this ear-wounding abomination you lot call music.  _ I  _ listen to quality stuff.”

 

James snorts. “Quality stuff my arse. Your precious punk rockers can’t play the guitar  _ or  _ sing. Your ears need checking.”

 

“You, James Potter, are an uncultured swine, a follower of the masses who listens to mass production garbage.”

 

“And you, Sirius Black, are a snobbish elitist who secretly likes disco but will never admit it.”

 

Sirius places a hand on his heart as if these words have mortally wounded him. “You did not just say that!”

 

“Did, too!”

 

“Filthy lies!”

 

“Well, then prove it to me. Come to the disco, and if by the time you’ve had your third drink you’re not dancing like a maniac, I will believe you.”

 

Sirius thinks it over for a little while, but Remus knows James has won. He knows just how to push his best friend’s buttons, and a challenge is something Sirius cannot resist.

 

“I’m not coming if Remus isn’t,” he says suddenly, taking him by surprise. James turns to him and eyes him expectantly.  _ Damn it. I was so close. _

 

“Okay, fine, have it your way,” he concedes. James and Peter cheer.

 

“This, gentlemen, will be a night that will go down in history!” James declares, and his excitement is starting to contact Remus. Maybe agreeing wasn’t a bad decision after all.

 

***

 

This is the absolute  _ worst  _ decision Remus has ever made. He’s never felt so out of his element in his life, and he hasn’t even left his  _ house. _

 

He is standing in front of his wardrobe, staring at it in despair,  not knowing what to do. His summer clothes are all old and casual at best. He has nothing suitable for a night out because he doesn’t  _ do _ nights out. He glances at his watch. He is supposed to meet the guys at the Mansion and go with them to the bus station in a quarter of an hour. 

 

Starting to really despair, he grabs his father’s old beige bermuda shorts and a blue and white striped t-shirt that is too large for him.  _ It’s not as if it will make any difference how I dress, anyway. I am the last person someone would notice at a club. _

 

He sighs in resignation, combs his hair a bit with his fingers and bids goodbye to his mum and dad who are sitting in the living room, both of them reading with their glasses on. He has already explained to them that he will take the last bus to Tickleborough and probably return at six in the morning with the first one, that usually serves people that work in a different town or village. Remus feels sorry that they will start their Monday morning along with a crowd of drunken teenagers.

 

After he assures them that  _ yes,  _ he will be careful and  _ yes,  _ he will have fun, he rushes to his friends’ house.

 

When he knocks, James is the one who answers. Remus is relieved to observe he is dressed in a similar way, albeit a bit more fashionably, in black bermuda shorts and a Rolling Stones t-shirt.

 

“Come in Remus, mate, Sirius is just getting ready and Pete hasn’t come yet.”

 

Remus steps inside just as Sirius is coming down the stairs and…  _ wow. _

 

It seems Sirius really wants to prove a point as to just  _ how _ punk rock he is. He is wearing a white t-shirt with the Sex Pistols’  _ Never Mind the Bollocks _ album cover in the middle, tucked into some black jeans that are more torn than not. He is also wearing a black belt, black Doc Marten boots (Remus has never before seen a pair in the flesh: only on the telly, worn by musicians) and a leather jacket. His hair is up in an artfully messy bun and the cross earring has made a reappearance.

 

The most shocking detail of all, though, is that Sirius is wearing a  _ collar  _ with honest to god  _ spikes _ on his long, aristocratic neck. He looks quite satisfied with his outfit, asking “What’d you think?” with a happy smile.

 

Fortunately, James saves Remus from having to speak because he doesn’t think he can at this very moment, he doubts he’d be able to form actual words, by bursting out laughing.

 

“Seriously? A bloody collar? Oh my god, McGonagall is right, you really do have a flair for the dramatic.”

 

Sirius sticks out his tongue and turns his attention to Remus, who is still in a state of mild shock. “Hiya, Remus, nice outfit.”

 

Remus can’t tell if his friend is joking, but he is too busy staring at him with wide eyes to care. “Um, you too,” he manages to utter.

 

“Look at him, Sirius! He’s in a right state of shock! You’ve traumatised poor Remus for life!” James laughs.

 

Finally, Remus snaps out of his trance. “Well, it’s true that I am quite shocked but… it’s a nice outfit.”

 

Sirius beams at him while James groans. “Don’t encourage him, Rem. Lord knows next time he’ll show up with a leash or something.”

 

“Oh my, I can’t wait to see the others’ faces once they lay eyes on him,” Remus smirks and James laughs, while Sirius is eyeing him skeptically.

 

“What?” he asks, self-conscious about the inquisitive grey eyes that are on him.

 

“Nothing just... I feel like something is missing from your outfit. Come up with me.” Sirius walks towards the stairs without another word. Remus shrugs at James and follows him.

 

Sirius’ room is of course scattered with clothes and records on every possible surface. The only neat corner is the stack of books on his nightstand. On top is the latest book Remus has recommended, Aldous Huxley’s  _ Brave New World _ . Sirius hasn’t started it yet, but Remus has a feeling that when he does, he’ll finish it in one day.

 

His friend is currently rummaging through his closet, muttering “Where’d I see it, where’d I see it…” emerging after a bit with a triumphant sound, holding a thin black belt on his hand.

 

“There’s the little bastard! Could you wear this?”

 

Remus does as he’s told. Sirius takes a step back, thoughtful. “Better. Only… could you tuck your t-shirt in your pants?”

 

Remus obliges again, the long shirt now visible and uncomfortable inside the tight bermuda shorts.

 

Just as he’s about to voice his reserves, Sirius steps in his space and fusses with the shirt, moving around Remus and pulling it upwards in places. He smells a nice, woody cologne before Sirius steps back, finally satisfied with his work. “There, now you’re dashing,” he smiles with pride and Remus smiles back, embarrassed but pleased.

 

So abruptly that Remus is almost startled, Sirius scowls and turns to look at the clock on the wall. “Fuck’s sake, it’s almost ten, that idiot Peter had better show up soon or we’ll miss the bus. And where the fuck did I put my smokes? Why does everything get bloody lost just when I need it?” He rummages frantically through his room and Remus, still startled by the brusque change, exits the room and goes down the stairs.

 

Peter has thankfully arrived, and when Remus takes a look at him, he feels a lot better about himself, because it seems the shorter boy has put on the ugliest things he came across: too-big jeans, a button-up short-sleeved shirt in a hideous green color and sneakers. James, it seems, is trying not to laugh.

 

Remus greets Peter with amusement in his voice. James asks where Sirius is, but before he can answer the latter descends the stairs rapidly. Peter’s eyes widen comically when he observes him. “Wow,” he utters.

 

“Wow is about right. Let’s go, lads!” James commands and they step out of the house.

 

By the time they arrive at the bus stop, almost everyone is there: Frank and Alice, hand in hand, Mike, Adam and Georgia, who coordinated their outfits, both wearing a glaring shade of red, Sharon, who advances towards James and gives him a kiss on the cheek, Marlene and Christine who take one look at Sirius and remain speechless.

 

All the girls are dressed outrageously in mini-skirts, bright tops and make-up that in the cases of some could put clowns to shame. Several people greet them, some comment on Sirius’ collar, while Marlene comes and tells him he looks  _ hot as hell. _

 

“Right back at you, love,” he smiles, his eyes roaming up and down her body. Remus looks away.

 

The bus arrives just then, and they all pay their tickets one by one and cram inside under the shocked stare of the bus-driver, who undoubtedly expected an empty bus stop, and a distressed middle-aged man in the back that sinks into his seat.

 

They just about manage to get all in, speaking loudly the whole way to their destination. It is with palpable relief that the driver opens the door, twenty minutes later, to let them out, in the town that goes by the ridiculous name of Tickleborough. When they told it to Sirius, he laughed on the floor for a solid five minutes.

 

They walk aimlessly and get lost for a bit, Mike and Adam being useless in guiding them, until they ask a passerby for directions. They reach a relatively large, square building with a neon blue sign on top that reads  _ Discotheque: LA LUNA _ .

 

Sam is waiting for them outside. He is eighteen and his parents have already bought him a car. When urged to come by bus because he wouldn’t be able to drink that way, he answered that “you drunkards will be thanking me when I take you home after you get plastered”. Remus really likes Sam.

 

The guard just asks for one ID Sam supplies and lets all of them in, after they pay the entrance fee. 

 

It is almost eleven and the disco is already half-full, and bigger than Remus imagined: there are two bars on opposite sides, one with a barman and one with a barmaid, a spacious wooden dancefloor and a large crystal ball spinning above it; fuchsia strobe lights give an eerie feeling to the atmosphere. 

 

Most of their company heads straight for the bars, while James, Sirius, Remus and Peter still look around.

 

“See? Isn’t this nice?” James yells happily, while Peter has already started to clumsily move to the rhythm and even Sirius is nodding his head to the Earth, Wind & Fire tune blaring through the speakers.

 

After a while, mostly everyone has a drink in hand and James declares that they, Marauders as they are, must not remain behind. He leads them to the bar and buys two rounds of tequila shots.

 

“Bottoms up!” he yells to be heard over the loud music and downs it all in one go, as does Sirius. Peter gulps it at once and winces, while Remus still looks at the small glass with trepidation.

 

“Come on Remus, don’t be a party pooper!” urges Peter

 

“You can do this!” encourages Sirius, putting a warm hand on his back. Remus takes a breath and downs half, his throat burning. After a beat, he finishes the rest.

 

“Not bad for a first time, lad,” James praises and the rest cheer. “Round two now!”

 

After they finish round two, Sirius buys them vodka shots. “To the Marauders!” he toasts and everyone else echoes him. Remus is starting to feel the first, pleasant effects of the alcohol settle in.

 

They leave the bar that has now started crowding and stand close to a wall, the dancefloor and DJ booth in front of them. The DJ himself looks no older than twenty-five, bopping his head and preparing the next records while he blows a piece of pink bubblegum.

 

An intro Remus thinks he recognises echoes through the room and almost everyone hastens to get to the dancefloor, that fills in the beat of a few seconds.

 

_ “Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man/no time to talk,”  _ a high, falsetto voice sings and Sirius groans. “My God, it’s that song from  _ Saturday Night Fever _ . I hate that song.”

 

“Shut up Sirius, it’s a good song,” James intervenes. Remus is too busy laughing with Mike and Adam, who try to imitate John Travolta’s moves, looking like uncoordinated monkeys. “Look at them! This is golden!” he manages to utter through his giggles. Sirius looks on and cracks an amused smile. “Look at the face of that blond girl next to them! I think she’s fearing for her life!”

 

“No wonder, she’s in danger of having a finger jammed into her eye!” Peter observes. Just as he says it, Adam’s finger hits her exactly there.

 

“Ow!” the four of them utter at the same time, wincing.

 

One hour and one more round of shots later, none of them have danced as of yet. Sharon, Marlene and the rest of the girls are dancing together in a circle and the first hasn’t approached James yet. Sirius is still putting up the “I don’t like disco music” act, trying to contain his treacherous foot that moves against his will. He has given up and taken off the leather jacket, though, not being able to resist the heat any longer.

 

Peter is too much of a follower to initiate something, and Remus prefers observing everyone else dance, his intense tipsiness amplifying his gratefulness for his newly formed group of friends. He smiles sweetly at James, who happens to be opposite him, and he smiles back. Remus can’t for the life of him figure out why he didn’t want to come.

 

Suddenly, his ears perk up when a song familiar to him starts playing. Even before his sluggish brain puts a name to it, he is flooded with the excitement a tune one loves can produce.

 

“It’s the  _ Dancing Queen _ !” He cheers happily and James nods his head vigorously.

 

“Et tu, Remus? I had no idea you listened to that garbage,” Sirius yells.

 

“Oh, drop it, Sirius, everyone loves the  _ Dancing Queen _ !” Remus accuses.

 

“Well, I don’t.”

 

_ “Friday night and the lights are loooow,”  _ Remus starts singing along with Agnetha and Anni-Frid.  _ “Looking out for a place to goooo...”  _ He starts clumsily moving, while Sirius tries not to smile.

 

“I’m going to the dancefloor!” he declares suddenly. “Come on, guys! It’s a disco! We have to dance!”

 

“Remus is right!” James decides “I’m going too!”

 

“Me too!” Peter, of course, follows.

 

The three of them reach the dancefloor, Sirius staying behind, looking torn.

 

_ “With a bit of rock music/everything is fine/you’re in the mood for dance...” _

 

Suddenly, Sirius’ expression settles and he starts running towards them.

 

_ “And when you get the chaaance...” _

 

_ “ _ YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEEEN! YOUNG AND SWEET, ONLY SEVENTEEEEN!” Sirius screams at the top of his lungs when the soaring chorus breaks. James starts laughing and Remus smiles triumphantly. “DANCING QUEEEN, FEEL THE BEAT OF THE TAMBOURIINE, OOH YEAH!”

 

While still screaming the lyrics at the top of his voice, Sirius starts dancing in earnest, and  _ oh.  _ Sirius can dance  _ very _ well, his moves liquid and intricate.

 

“I win the bet!” James declares.

 

_ “See that girl, watch that scene/dig in the Dancing Queen,” _ ABBA sing and Sirius performs a beautiful, long pirouette. Remus turns to James, his eyes wide, to realise he looks satisfied but not surprised.

 

“You knew about this!” he accuses, his voice an octave higher than normal.

 

“He wanted to be a dancer until he entered his punk phase,” James informs and Remus is ready to collapse on the floor over how overwhelmed he is. Sirius Black has got to be the most intriguing person he’s ever met.

 

The second verse plays and all Remus can do is watch Sirius move, mesmerised. He has given up the pretense of not liking this now, dancing with a beautiful, content smile on his face. When the second chorus comes, James points at Sirius while singing “ _ You are the dancing queen _ .” He only laughs and continues.

 

Suddenly, his eyes fall on Remus, who then grins at him so hard his cheeks hurt. Sirius’ mouth spreads in answer, and Remus feels light and giddy, as if he is about to lift from the ground in any moment due to pure, untamed joy. With one pull at Sirius’ bun, it breaks loose and his long black hair cascades down his shoulders. He flicks it, rosy-cheeked and smiley.

 

After a while the song finishes, but the two boys keep beaming at each other. “Wow,” is all Remus can say and Sirius opens his mouth to say something in return, when Peter interrupts them.

 

“Right lads, I’m going for a wee, I’m gonna pee myself after all this drinking, nice dancing, Sirius, lad,” and he’s off. Sirius gradually stops smiling and Remus registers that the next song begins with a slow, melancholic chord.

 

Sharon appears out of nowhere, pulling a smiling James by the hand, taking him a bit further down and dancing with him slowly, hugging him.

 

Remus and Sirius are alone after quite some time. “I didn’t know they played ballads in disc-”

 

His sentence is cut short when he spots Marlene approaching Sirius from behind. She puts a hand on his shoulder and he startles and turns. Remus observes for the first time that she wears a nicely cut black dress that shows her curves off beautifully. Her long brown hair is in curls down her shoulders.

 

“I saw you from over there, dancing. You were amazing.”

 

“Aw, thank you, love.” He smiles his flirty smile at her.

 

“May I have this dance?” she asks and cheekily extends her hand.

 

“Certainly, m’lady.” He takes her hand and kisses it, casting a half-apologetic glance at Remus before he goes where she leads him.

 

Remus realises, looking around him, that he is alone. James and Sharon are behind him and Peter is Lord knows where. With a stare in front of him, he sees Sirius and Marlene, unobstructed in his line of sight, slow-dancing at the edge of the dancefloor.

 

He needs to look away, but for some reason he _ can’t. _

 

_ “I never told a soul just how I’ve been feeling over you,” _ the female voice sings and Remus feels a pang at his heart  _ “But they said it out loud, they said it on the air, on the radio,”  _ the song picks up its pace and becomes faster, and the couples change their manner of dancing. Sirius spins Marlene around and she laughs, her skirts twirling.

 

_ They look so good together, _ Remus thinks. They dance in perfect unison, Marlene being more than a decent dancer herself.

 

In a move that Remus has been waiting for but still startles him somehow, she puts her fingers on his collar and pulls him closer, impossibly closer…

 

… And then they’re kissing.

 

And Remus wants to die.

 

He observes their mouths moving smoothly against each other like a statue.

 

How could he not see it, all this time?

 

He likes Sirius Black.

 

He wants to pull Sirius close, and kiss him, and be his.

 

He is perverted and disgusting.

 

He is a  _ queer. _

 

Why couldn’t he be normal at something, for once in his life? His appearance, the way he dresses, his hobbies, and now  _ this. _

 

He is an anomaly in every aspect, in every sense.

 

He finally made a friend, and then he went and  _ fell for him. _

 

All at once, an urge hits him to drink, to drink so much that he forgets everything. With one final, painful glance at the still snogging Marlene and Sirius, he heads blindly for the bar, stumbling through various people in a blur. He digs in his pocket and takes out some money with a trembling hand. After his vision clears enough to count them, he calculates that they are enough for three more shots. He manages to give his order to the barman on the second try, and he casts him a slightly worried glance but takes the money.

 

This time, Remus has no problem at all taking the shots, downing all three of them in the span of a few seconds, the burn in his throat a pleasant distraction from the turmoil inside his head. He stumbles away from the bar, the image of Sirius and Marlene spinning in his mind. His back thumps against a wall and he allows a few treacherous tears to escape before he closes his eyes and everything goes black.

 

***

 

_ Remus… Remus mate… wake up, come on, it’s time to go. _

 

“Go ‘way Sirius, leave me ‘lone.”

 

_ It’s not Sirius mate, it’s Sam, get up, I’m taking you home. _ That prompts Remus to open one eye and then the other, the image of a worried Sam staring at him from above.

 

To say Remus is feeling bad is an understatement. Somehow he feels hungover and drunk at the same time, a headache threatening to split his head in two, combined with an intense dizziness.

 

“‘m cold.”

 

“You can have my coat as soon as you get up, come on”. He pulls him up with his strong hands and he wobbles unsteadily.

 

“Time’s it?”

 

“About two and a half, mate.”

 

“Pathetic.”

 

“Don’t worry, Remus, we’ve all had these kinds of nights.”

 

“Where’s Sirius?” His treacherous heart throbs when he mentions the name and for a few, blissful seconds he can’t remember why.

 

Of course, then it all come crashing back to him and he feels like he’s going to puke.

 

“Wanna vomit.”

 

“Oh, shit, hold it for a bit if you can,” Sam says and starts pulling him urgently towards somewhere. Fluorescent lights blind him, and the moment Sam shoves his head above a sink, he empties the contents of his stomach.

 

“Phew, that was close,” Sam sighs. Remus now feels a little less dizzy, enough to have the sense to rinse the bitter taste in his mouth with water.

 

“Do you want to puke any more?”

 

Remus frowns. “Don’t think so.”

 

“Okay then, let’s go.” Sam leads Remus through the club that is not as full as before, but isn’t empty yet.

 

He opens a door and they step outside. The silence is a blessing and the cold air has a sobering effect on Remus.

 

“To answer your previous question, Sirius left with Marlene some time ago.” Remus closes his eyes and fights away the tears. “James has fucked off somewhere with Sharon, and I don’t know where Peter is. Some friends they are,” his tone gets harsher. “Leaving you alone at that state.”

 

Remus wants to protest and defend them. “It’s fine. I’d leave me too if I were them.”

 

“What the fuck are you on about, Remus?”

 

“I don’t deserve them,” he says and he means it.

 

“Oh please,  _ they _ don’t deserve  _ you. _ ” Remus wants to laugh at the absurdity of what Sam says.

 

“No, you don’t understand. I’m not normal.”

 

“Who the fuck cares about normal, Remus? You’re great. That’s all that matters.” Somehow Sam’s words manage to console him a bit.

 

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

 

They reach his car, getting in and staying silent the whole ride home, Remus dozing off.

 

After what feels like mere seconds, they pull up in front of his house and step outside.

 

“Do you have your keys with you?” Remus searches through his pockets and finds out that miraculously, he still does.

 

“Alright then, I’m off to go pick up some other drunkards.” He smiles good-naturedly. “Take a painkiller and have some rest, okay Remus? I’ll see you.”

 

“Thank you, Sam. For everything.” He looks at the boy as gratefully as his sorry state can allow him.

 

“No problem, Rem. That’s what friends do.” He signals goodbye and gets in his car, driving off.

 

Sam’s words manage to cast a small beam of sunshine in the darkness of Remus’ mind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(
> 
> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Stayin' Alive - Bee Gees  
> Dancing Queen - ABBA  
> On the Radio - Donna Summer
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> He's the Greatest Dancer - Sister Sledge  
> Fantasy - Earth, Wind & Fire  
> Night Fever - Bee Gees
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	7. Chapter 7

Remus unfortunately doesn’t sleep for as much as he’d like, because an overwhelming thirst wakes him up at around noon. He briefly laments not closing the blinds before he reached the comfort of his bed after getting in his room. As it is, he plans on taking a bottle of water from the fridge as quickly as possible, praying fervently his mother hasn’t woken up yet. He can’t bear to have any questions addressed at him. He is in so much pain that he can’t distinguish whether it’s physical or emotional or both.

 

The sadistic deity that takes pleasure in fucking up his life must thankfully be on a break, because he meets no one while he takes the water bottle to his room and shuts the door.

 

After he quenches his thirst, he attempts to fall asleep again but the demons in his head have unfortunately woken up with him, not letting him have a moment of peace.

 

His cursed brain seems keen on replaying the scene of Sirius and Marlene’s kiss, tormenting him to no end. After closing the blinds, turning the fan on and even taking his favourite stuffed animal that used to always help him sleep as a child, Teddy, in his arms, he still hasn’t made any progress.

 

He sighs in resignation, casting a long-suffering look at the ceiling. Being infatuated with your best friend of the same sex is not fun.

 

When exactly did he start having feelings for Sirius? Was it the first time he saw him, lying on the beach with James, basking in the attention of his curious classmates? No, it can’t have been. He remembers finding him conceited and annoying.

 

_ If only this is all I would ever think of him, _ he wishes.

 

Was it when he carried him home in his arms, his puke-smeared mouth nuzzling on his chest? He recalls finding him attractive in his tipsiness, but that doesn’t mean he harboured any  _ feelings. _

 

Was it when he gave him  _ The Picture of Dorian Gray _ ? Was it when they had their first late-night conversation about everything and nothing? Was it when he first smiled at him with that genuine smile of his, the one that he saves for the people close to him, the one that reaches his eyes?

 

Remus does not know. It’s all a blur in his head, and the fact that he was unaware of it mere hours ago doesn’t help his mental investigation.

 

Once again, he wonders how could sentiments so clear to him now escape his notice for such a long time.  _ Denial is a funny thing,  _ he thinks and contains the urge to laugh in despair.

 

Several hours, or mere minutes later, Remus hears his mother wake up. She prepares breakfast while humming in that melodic voice of hers. The familiar sounds and scents manage to comfort his throbbing heart enough to permit his tired body to succumb to sleep.

 

He wakes up again to his mother placing a cool hand on his forehead.  _ She’s worried I’m sick. I wish that was the case. _

 

Somehow, his mother’s caresses feel like something he doesn’t deserve. He feels like a fraud, like he’s deceiving her in some way. Like he’s not the son she thinks he is.

 

He communicates all of these thoughts with a low groan that brings worry to Hope’s eyes.

 

“Remus, darling, are you alright?”

 

“No,” he answers before he can contain himself. His mother doesn’t deserve to be worried over him.

 

“Are you feeling sick, Remus? Do you have a headache? Oh, those discos are full of germs, I should have known you’d come back at such a state.”

 

Remus wants to tell her he’s not sick, not in the way she thinks at least, but the lie is too convenient for him, and he doesn’t contradict her.

 

“Oh Lord, you’re not feverish but you look so pale. I’ll make you a soup and then I’ll have to go to the bookshop. Your father will take care of you.”

 

Remus shows her he’s heard her with one minute nod, and she exits the room with one last, worried glance at him.

 

He resumes his unpleasant thoughts.

 

Should he have known he was gay before meeting Sirius? He’s never liked any girl as more than a friend, but then again, he hadn’t liked any boy that way either, until Sirius.

 

Who was there to like, though? He briefly entertains the notion of fancying Mike, or Peter, and has a sudden urge to laugh in the midst of his misery.

 

No. He couldn’t have known. He wasn’t obliged to know. 

 

Will it show, now that he knows? Will the people of Fenneltown take one look at him and be able to read it all on his face? He doesn’t think so, but the thought terrifies him nonetheless.

 

Thoughts like these make time pass, apparently, because the next person who enters his room is his father.

 

“Your mother told me you’re sick,” he announces. “She made some soup for you.” Remus observes he is holding a tray with a steamy plate on it, which will probably be torture to eat on a hot day like this.

 

“What time is it?” he asks, his voice hoarse.

 

“It’s six in the afternoon,” Lyall informs him. “But you haven’t eaten any lunch, apparently, so you’ll have to eat this now.”

 

Remus tries not to show his surprise at the amount of time that’s passed without him noticing, and thanks his father for the food. He makes a show of sipping some spoonfuls until his father exits the room, and then he opens the window and pours the liquid on the magnolia his mother had planted some years ago.

 

His stomach is still too much of a mess to be able to take down any food.

 

When his father shows up again he pretends he’s sleeping, the empty soup plate on his nightstand.

 

He picks up a poetry collection he’s been meaning to read for ages, but he can’t understand a single word.

 

Everything swims in front of his eyes. He tries in vain to reconcile what he’s thought of himself up until now with his epiphany and he can’t. He’s never had a problem with homosexuals, but he’d never considered himself one of them.

 

He looks at his window. There’s darkness outside. He puts his book aside.

 

After a while, he hears the key in the door turning. His mother has come home. They talk in low voices with his father.

 

Despite his spending the whole day in bed, their familiar voices lull him to sleep.

 

_ Sirius Black is running towards him, his expression open and joyful. Remus can tell his friend has missed him. It’s been days since he last saw him. _

 

_ He comes closer, and closer, until he stops a few inches from him. He looks beautiful. He always looks beautiful. _

 

_ His expressive, grey eyes roam up and down his body. Gradually, so gradually Remus barely perceives the shift, his expression changes. It closes off. His eyes darken. His eyebrows furrow. His body stiffens. _

 

_ “So you’re one of them. You’re a fag, Remus.” _

 

_ He wants to deny it, to claim Sirius is mistaken, but he can’t. _

 

_ “I’m so disgusted,” Sirius continues, beautiful in his fury. “And to think I put my trust in you, to think I have treated you as a friend!” _

 

_ Remus wants to apologize, to beg for forgiveness, but somehow knows every word will be in vain. _

 

_ “You have deceived me, Remus. You’re not who I thought you were. You’re not my friend.” _

 

_ He turns his back and Remus begs, he begs and he cries to Sirius not to leave him, but all he does is cast a cold, unforgiving stare his way before he distances himself further, and further, until nothing remains of his friend but a small dot in the horizon, that disappears in a puff of smoke. _

 

Remus is up heaving and sweaty, relief slowly washing over him when he realises this has been but a nightmare. For now.

 

A look at his clock on the wall shows him it is nine in the morning. After he calms his fluttering heart down, he observes that his hangover is gone, but his mood isn’t any better.

 

Hope brings him breakfast in bed after an hour, and he begins nibbling at it slowly, trying to will his stomach to get used to the idea of food again. He eats only one slice of honeyed bread and calls his mom to pick up the rest. She looks at the still-full tray with worry, but says nothing.

 

He wonders why his friends haven’t visited him yet. A paranoid train of thought leads him to the conclusion they have somehow guessed his secret. Maybe he uttered something to Sam in his drunk state and he went and communicated it to the others.

 

After a bit, he discards the idea as ridiculous. He didn’t tell Sam anything, and besides, he doubts the good-natured boy would go around telling his secrets even if he did.

 

Speaking, or rather thinking of the devil, Hope shows up at this very moment to inform him Sirius has come to visit him.

 

The Marauders have visited his house quite a few times to taste the delicious outcomes of Hope and Remus’ culinary efforts. His mother has always been more than happy to take care of his friends. A long-time worry she had all these years, a worry she tried not to show but Remus perceived anyway, and made him sad, has been put to rest ever since they formed their little group.

 

Hope already knew Peter, but she has come to appreciate his goofy and easy-going nature more. She likes James, thinks he will become a just and charismatic leader at something when the time comes.

 

Her favourite, though, if anything because he is her son’s favourite too and she knows it, is Sirius.

 

Sirius behaved himself like a right gentleman from the very start, putting on the charm he uses when he wants to make an impression. Hope liked him right away. She finds him funny, smart, a person good for her son to associate with.

 

She had told him all that when he’d asked her what she thought of them, the second time they came to his house, a little less than a month ago. 

 

Now, though, he realises he is not ready to face his friend just yet. He panics momentarily, not knowing how to convey to his mum this desire without her suspecting something, but his look must be one of such blind panic that she perceives it anyway.

 

Her expression is for the briefest of moments one of surprise, before she asks him calmly if she should tell him Remus is sick and can’t see him. He nods his head yes with relief, grateful for the way his mum is able to read him.

 

He feels bad for kicking Sirius out, but if he saw him he doesn’t know how his treacherous heart could react. The wound is still raw, and he might not be able to put on a facade successfully.

 

After five minutes that seem like a century, she comes back and sits at the edge of his bed, eyeing him cautiously.

 

“You don’t have to tell me anything, if you don’t want to,” she begins, “but something has happened, hasn’t it?”

 

Remus nods, tears gathering behind his eyes at his mother’s soothing words.

 

“Do you want to tell me what it is?”

 

Remus doesn’t think he can tell her, doesn’t know if he ever will be able to. His parents’ love towards him didn’t have any reason to be tested until now. He had always been the perfect student, the obliging son. What if his parents love him only as long as he is the person they want him to be? What if, in learning he is a queer, they decide he is not worthy of their affections anymore?

 

He knows they are more open-minded than others due to their intellectual connections and liberal ideas, but in theory things are always easier. It is one thing to claim you support homosexuals over a few glasses of wine with your classicist friends, and quite another to have a homosexual child.

 

Still, though, he takes one look at his mother’s affectionate eyes, and he cannot imagine them staring at him with coldness. He is not ready to tell her everything yet, but he does want to tell her something.

 

“We fought,” is the closest thing to the truth he can bear to say.

 

Hope’s eyes become worried. “At the disco?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“With all of them? Or just with Sirius?”

 

“Just with Sirius.”

 

Hope sighs. “I suspected so. He was very tentative and looked guilty. Is he the one at fault here?”

 

_ Guilty? What did he look guilty for? _ “No, mum. We’re both of us at fault.”

 

“Do you want to tell me what the fight was about?” 

 

Remus shakes his head no. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s fine, sweetheart. You don’t have to.”

 

“I don’t want to fight with him forever, mum. I don’t think I’m even angry at him. I just… can’t bear to see him right now.”

 

“That’s understandable, Remus. And I’m sure everything will work out. You and Sirius have a special relationship, after all.”

 

Remus feels panic rising in his throat. “Special relationship?” he asks, trying to appear unaffected.

 

“Yes. Many people form many types of special relationships. James and Sirius share a special relationship as well. They have an intimacy only a close friendship of many years can create. But yours and Sirius’ is different.”

 

“Different how?”

 

“You and Sirius can communicate with barely any effort. You understand each other on some deeper level, though you’ve known each other for very little time. It’s a very rare thing, and you’re very fortunate to have it.”

 

Remus is at a loss of words and his mother must sense his unease, because she gets up. “Though I don’t know what your fight was about, I can tell you care a lot about this boy, and he cares a lot about you. I think everything will work out in the end.” She smiles at him one last time and exits the room.

 

_ No, mum. It won’t work out. Not in the way I want it to, anyway. _

 

At night, after she returns from the bookshop, she makes Remus’ favourite meal for dinner; chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham with mashed potatoes on the side. He tidies his room and changes his clothes, and he almost feels like a person again.

 

He dines with his parents, and eats his favourite dish, and allows himself to think things might not be so tragic after all.

 

He goes to bed at midnight, but it’s another hour before he can relax enough for sleep to come.

 

***

 

Mercifully, this morning Remus does not remember any of his dreams, though he rouses with a faint heaviness of heart that suggests he had a nightmare again. Still, after opening his window and breathing in the sea air, he feels better than he did those last days.

 

_ Maybe the world won’t come crashing down around me because I’m gay. Maybe it will all turn out alright. _

 

This hope seems too much of a stretch to him, but it makes him smile faintly nonetheless. 

 

Two hours later, after having eaten breakfast and showered, he even feels well enough to contemplate stepping outside, when his mum enters his room.

 

The look of hesitation on her face betrays what she’s here to tell him.

 

“It’s Sirius again, isn’t it?” he asks her, though he is certain.

 

“Yes. He’s a stubborn one.” Her tone carries a faint hint of affection that makes Remus ache. “Do you want me to send him away again?”

 

Remus searches within himself for a minute. He thinks he’s reached a mental state where seeing Sirius won’t make him crumble and after all, he’ll have to face him at some point anyway. He can’t hide from his problems in his room forever and plus, he doesn’t think he wants to stop being Sirius’ friend.

 

He’ll just have to learn to conceal his feelings. It’s not a thing he’s a stranger to.

 

“Tell him to come in,” he resolves with a tone that is graver than he‘d have liked.

 

“Are you sure, love? You don’t have to pressure yourself.”

 

“Yes, mum, I’m sure.” She nods and goes outside. Remus feels trepidation rise in him but wills it away.  _ It’s just Sirius, for God’s sake. _

 

Before he has time to steel himself, the boy is at his door, looking with wide grey eyes at him, seeming a little lost himself.

 

Remus allows himself a few seconds to examine him under the light of his new epiphany. He is dressed in casual summer clothes and his hair is up again.

 

There is no drastic change, no 180 degree turn, in the way Remus perceives him, aside maybe from his being a little more aware of his friend’s beauty, of the attraction he has been feeling towards him and can now identify as such. It existed before, Remus realises. He just didn’t know what it was.

 

They must have been staring at each other silently for some time, because Sirius awkwardly clears his throat.

 

“May I?” he gestures hesitantly towards Remus’ bed, his voice small.

 

“Sure,” Remus consents hoarsely.

 

Sirius moves and sits down carefully at the edge of the bed, a stark contrast to other times, when he would just barge into Remus’ room and catapult himself on the bed.

 

“So… how are you?” he starts. “How are you feeling?”

 

“I’m good, I’m fine,” Remus answers looking down, fiddling with the edge of his sheet. “I was sort of… ill… Must have caught something at the disco… But yeah, now I’m fine.”

 

“I’m glad.” Remus raises his eyes to see Sirius smile a small smile that has nothing on the dazzling ones he’s shown Remus at times, but at least appears sincere.

 

Now that they’re mere inches apart, Remus can see the tell-tale signs of lack of sleep on his friend’s face. There are black circles under his eyes, and his gaze looks tired and out of focus.

 

“Listen, Remus,” he begins, looking in his eyes and then immediately looking down. “I just wanted to apologise. I shouldn’t have just left you alone at the club and fucked off.”

 

“You don’t have to apologise for anything,” Remus hastens. He hates that Sirius thinks he has some kind of obligation to babysit him. It makes him feel weak. It makes him feel like a burden.

 

“No, I do. Sam told us how he… what happened, and we should’ve been there for you.”

 

“It was my own stupid fault that I drank so much anyway. Why ruin your night over my stupidity?”

 

“Because that’s what friends  _ do, _ Remus. They’re there to help you, when you’re not at your best.”

 

“I don’t-” Remus starts but Sirius cuts him off.

 

“You’re thinking that you don’t deserve this, don’t you?” Sirius’ words hit home and Remus does not know what to say. “Well, goes to show you’re stupider than I thought, because you do,” Sirius declares in a silent but firm tone, casting his eyes down again.

 

Remus is still not convinced by Sirius’ declaration. On some level, he still thinks James and Sirius befriending him is some kind of mistake they’ll realise at some point. People like them are not supposed to be friends with him.

 

In spite of all that, Sirius’ words do make him feel a little better.

 

There’s an awkward lull in the conversation again and Remus scrambles to find something to ask, despair beginning to form at the thought that his easy conversations with Sirius will from now on be reduced to  _ this _ .

 

“What is up with you guys? Anything new?”

 

“Nothing, nothing much. James and Peter are worried about you. Oh, Marlene and I are together.” His tone is perfectly neutral, containing no emotion. Remus can’t bear to raise his eyes at him, for fear of betraying something.

 

“Oh. That’s good. Congratulations.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

This discussion is so awkward that Remus wishes a hole would open underneath his bed and suck him in. Another pause ensues.

 

“I read  _ Brave New World, _ ” Sirius supplies rushedly, betraying he too was desperately searching for something to say.

 

“Oh, really? Did you like it?” Remus is significantly relieved by this safe topic.

 

“I loved it,” Sirius states simply but earnestly. Were things normal, this is where they would launch into a passionate discussion about the themes of the book, their favourite parts, and Sirius would read him the quotes he’s most liked, the ones he’s underlined with pencil and whose pages he’s dog-eared.

 

As it is, though, this is all they say. Sirius gets up and asks Remus when he will join them again, to which he answers that he will probably come tomorrow. He smiles that awkward smile again, and with one last goodbye, he is out of Remus’ room.

 

This was even worse than Remus imagined it to be. For reasons he can’t fathom, the passionate, affectionate, cheeky boy who gestured wildly when excited and hugged Remus when he was happy has all but disappeared. In his place there was this cold, timid person that looked at Remus with worried eyes as if he might break at any moment.

 

That was not Sirius. That was not  _ his  _ Sirius.

 

Remus lies down and his eyes well up with hot tears, as he tries futilely to explain this shift. He can’t possibly  _ know. _ There is no way he can know. But if it’s not that, then what is it?

 

Remus searches desperately for an answer, but finds none.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter was a bit too low on the action:( I hope the next one compensates!
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> It's a heartache - Bonnie Tyler  
> Hopelessly devoted to you - Olivia Newton-John
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	8. Chapter 8

True to his word, Remus shows up at the beach the next day. James and Peter are delighted to see him, clapping his shoulders and welcoming him back. They all sit down on the sand and ask Remus about his illness, which he talks about as briefly as possible.

 

While Peter launches on a tale about how he  _ almost _ snogged a girl at the club, Remus’ eyes, almost roll at their own volition. While Peter rambles on, he tries to subtly look around for Sirius, who is nowhere in sight.

 

_ Neither is Marlene, _ he realises, and his heart clenches painfully.

 

Confirming his suspicions, they choose this exact moment to show up, hand in hand. Marlene looks smug, waving delightedly at Christine, who waves back with a bitter expression. 

 

Sirius’ expression, on the other hand, is blank. When he spots them, he leans to whisper something in Marlene’s ear. She nods, giving him a kiss on the cheek before she joins her friend.

 

Sirius approaches them and sits down next to Remus, giving him a small smile of acknowledgement that he tries to reciprocate.

 

Peter has stopped his narration and he and James are looking at Sirius with awe-struck expressions Remus is momentarily confused about.

 

Then, Peter points at Sirius’ neck, on the side Remus can’t see well. He bends his head a bit and then he spots it.

 

On the base of his friend’s neck, there is a medium-sized, purple bruise. Remus momentarily thinks someone’s punched him, until Peter exclaims: “Whoa, mate, she gave you one of these?” and Remus realises.

 

He has barely eaten any breakfast, but he feels his stomach turning. He casts his eyes down, willing himself to conceal his agony.

 

“Yes, she did,” he hears Sirius answer in a matter-of-fact tone that takes him slightly by surprise. He thought Sirius would’ve been more smug about this.

 

“Wow. Marlene is truly something else.”

 

“She really is,” James supplies. “Sharon and I haven’t done anything like that. I think she’s a bit shy.”

 

Of course Sirius had to go and find the more experienced one. How else would Remus suffer?

 

“Did that happen just now? How’d it feel? How far have you gone?” Peter asks eagerly.

 

“For God’s sake Peter, maybe I don’t wanna share everything I do with Marlene with all of you. Those things are personal.” Sirius sounds annoyed.

 

“Oh, come on mate, those are things lads say amongst them all the time!” Peter protests.

 

“Well, I just don’t want to,” Sirius retorts.

 

Remus dares to cast a glance at him, only to find him already staring back at him with a look he cannot decipher. He searches for something to say, but finds nothing.

 

“Anyway, lads, I just wanted to tell you… Marlene wants to participate in a prank or two. Would that be okay with you?” Sirius is still mainly looking at him, so Remus tries not to show just how okay this would be with him.

 

Thankfully, it’s James who protests. “That’s ridiculous, Sirius, she’s not a Marauder! And besides, if you let her have you by the nose already, what will happen later on?”

 

“I didn’t say she will become a Marauder, James, I said one or two pranks, just to humour her. She won’t be a burden. She’s a clever girl.”

 

“There’s no harm in one or two pranks with Marlene,” Peter supplies and Remus wants to strangle him more and more with every single thing he says.

 

James appears thoughtful for a bit, but then nods his head. “Alright. But only one or two pranks.”

 

Sirius turns to him. “Remus?” 

 

“Yeah, whatever you want, Sirius,” he states dully, feeling like a zombie.

 

***

 

They don’t waste any time. The very next day, they gather in a corner under Peter’s umbrella. Marlene doesn’t arrive with Sirius this time, but when she shows up, dressed in a polka dot purple swimsuit, shorts and sunglasses and carrying an oversized bag, she gives them all a happy little wave, kisses Sirius’ cheek and sits beside him.

 

Remus had been bracing himself for her arrival, but, as it turns out, wasn’t ready for this display of affection this close to him, or for Sirius’ small smile when she kisses him.

 

“Lads, Marlene, it has been almost two weeks since we performed any mischief on the poor villagers,” James begins. “If we want to call ourselves the Marauders, this must continue no more. So! Any ideas on the table?”

 

It seems like no one has anything to supply. After a beat of silence, Marlene looks around and shyly raises her hand. “May I?” she asks.

 

“Of course,” James answers, his eyebrows raised in slight surprise.

 

“Well, I have some information that might be of interest to you. Me and the girls went out yesterday night and Georgia told us that she and Adam have booked a room in a hotel in Tickleborough, to go all the way.”

 

Everybody makes noises of interest. Even Remus is, despite himself, intrigued.

 

“Well,” she continues, “I’ve managed to learn both the name of the hotel  _ and  _ the room number. They’re going to do it in two days from now, in the afternoon, to be home by night and not raise suspicion. We could arrange a little surprise for them.” She grins slyly.

 

“That’s wicked! Marlene, you’re a genius!” James exclaims with enthusiasm.

 

“It wasn’t anything, really,” she responds, pleased, starting to play with a strand of Sirius’ hair. “The question is, though, what do we do with that information?”

 

Everybody frowns skeptically.

 

“Well, we could… we could barge in, ruin their fun,” Peter suggests.

 

“No, thanks,” Sirius is quick to shoot him down. “We might see some things that will scar us for life, and besides, we need to come up with something more creative.”

 

Suddenly, an idea flashes in Remus’ mind. “What if… what if we sent them a barbershop quartet?”

 

“A what?” James inquires confusedly.

 

“A barbershop quartet. You know. Those lads who sing a-capella, retro-style. They’re mostly popular in America.”

 

“Ooh,” realisation dawns on Sirius’ face. “I think I know what you mean. But how on earth did this occur to you?” he asks.

 

“We have a family friend from Tickleborough who does it as a hobby with his mates, at weddings mostly. I can phone him this afternoon and agree on a price. We could send them up, have them say they’re room service, and when Georgia and Adam open the door, they will sing some cheesy love song. The looks on their faces will be priceless!”

 

“Do you think he’ll agree to such a thing?” James wonders.

 

“I think so, yes. If we offer him enough money.”

 

“Then let’s do it! I think it’s a great idea!” James declares with admiration.

 

“I think so, too,” Peter agrees.

 

“Me too,” Sirius and Marlene chorus.

 

“Alright, then. Remus will phone this friend of his father’s. We will take the bus two hours earlier, and when we see them get in, we’ll attack,” James sums up. Everyone nods in agreement. “Men, Marlene, this is shaping out to be very promising. I can already tell we will laugh our arses off. And thank you for the information, Marlene. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to sit with Sharon.” He gets up and with a salute, he heads to his girlfriend.

 

Marlene moves towards Sirius and sits on his legs. He puts his arms around her waist. Remus casts his eyes down. Peter moves away from the umbrella’s shadow, puts his sunglasses on and lies down in the sun.

 

“It’s a new thing that got to his head,” Sirius explains conspiratorially to Marlene’s ear. “He thinks that if he tans, more girls will be into him.” She giggles in response and he smiles.

 

_ Well. This is great,  _ Remus thinks bitterly.

 

“Oh!” Marlene says. “I almost forgot! I brought watermelon!” She reaches inside her bag, pulls out a bowl and takes off the lid.

 

“I love watermelon!” Sirius exclaims happily. Marlene smiles at him sweetly.

 

“Oh, dear, I only brought one fork,” she pouts, although Remus suspects she didn’t do it by accident. “Guess this means I have to feed you.”

 

“Go ahead, then,” Sirius urges with a smirk.

 

Marlene needs no further invitation. She starts feeding Sirius the watermelon, pointing the fork towards her right shoulder, where Sirius has nestled his head. Sirius smiles contentedly while he eats the pieces of the juicy fruit.

 

This is something straight out of Remus’ nightmares. They are caught up in their own bubble, happy and infatuated, and Sirius hasn’t cast him a single glance ever since they stopped talking about their prank. The memories from the club are fuzzy, but he thinks there is no way he was feeling any worse than he is now. He is so overwhelmed with heartache and grief that he cannot even move.

 

A drop of watermelon juice drips down Sirius’ chin as he takes a clumsy bite. It trickles down Marlene’s shoulder and she lets out a giggly yelp. Thankfully this is what snaps Remus out of his despair-induced paralysis. 

 

He gets up so fast that Sirius and Marlene whip their heads at him in surprise.

 

“I’m gonna…” is all he manages to utter before he takes off, practically running, towards the sea. As soon as the water reaches his knees, he takes a plunge and sinks in it. He surfaces and swims blindly, with long strides, towards the ocean.

 

For a little while, his mind is blissfully blank. All there is is him, and the water. After he feels his muscles ache a little, he stops and turns his head to the shore. He gasps in surprise when he sees how much he’s swam. The beach is far, far away and the umbrellas are little colourful dots in his vision.

 

What did Sirius and Marlene think, seeing him take off like that? What conclusions will they jump to? With a shrug, he resolves that they probably didn’t care and he should not either. Pining over Sirius is ridiculous and hopeless. He will try to get over this stupid infatuation in every way he can.

 

He lies on the water’s surface, willing himself to calm down. After floating there for what he can only assume is a significant amount of time, he swims slowly towards the shore. As he approaches, he notices with relief that Peter’s umbrella is no longer there. When he gets out of the water and heads to the spot where his things were, though, he sees Sirius waiting by them alone, and stops with a startle.

 

His friend is looking at him with a worried look. “Remus, you were in the sea for one hour and a half, wha-” he stops as his eyes widen.

 

“What is it?” Remus asks in trepidation.

 

“You’re sunburnt all over. You’re red as a lobster.”

 

As if Sirius’ words triggered something, a horrible, stinging sensation spreads all over his skin. He winces in pain and keeps his hands firmly glued on his swimsuit, so as not to touch anything. He feels the salt pricking on his poor skin, like a million tiny whips. His face morphs in pain. 

 

“Oh, fuck. I forgot to put on sun cream.”

 

“You have to take care of this, Remus. Come to the Mansion with me. I have ointments.”

 

Remus wants to find a way out of this, but the burning in his skin renders him below any sort of pride.

 

“Alright,” he caves and picks his bag, trying to ignore the pain.

 

“No, no, let me take this.” Sirius grabs it from his hand. “It’s going to hurt if you carry it with your skin in that state.” Remus doesn’t protest, and they begin walking.

 

They make their way to the Mansion in silence. Sirius stops in front of the door and takes out his keys. “James has gone somewhere with Sharon, so it’s just us,” he says cautiously. Remus’ heart beats faster at these words, and he chooses not to respond.

 

The living room is delightfully chilly, Remus’ burning skin a sharp contrast to it.

 

“Sit down somewhere. Don’t rest your back, though. I’ll be back in a bit,” Sirius orders softly and heads towards the stairs. Remus sits on a stool, and momentarily puts his face in his hands. The touch burns, though, so he’s quick to take them away.

 

He has waited for what feels like a century in the huge dark room when he hears footsteps on the staircase again and Sirius emerges, holding a small jar in hand.

 

“My mum has these for when we visit sunny countries. They’re really good.” Remus thinks this might be the first time Sirius has mentioned his mother willingly.

 

He unscrews the lid and goes behind Remus. “This will sting a bit, but it’s going to help you, I promise.”

 

“I trust you,” Remus assures him and finds he means it.

 

“Alright then. Here we go,” Sirius says tentatively and immediately after, Remus feels something cool on his back. It stings in a matter of seconds, and Remus automatically hisses, but Sirius shushes him softly.

 

His fingers move in careful, delicate motions on Remus’ back, the cream relieving him wherever it is applied. After a while, he can barely register the stinging anymore. All he can register is the sound of his and Sirius’ breaths, as well as the sound of his heart that is pounding in his ears. It is beating so erratically that he fears Sirius can hear it too.

 

His friend spreads the ointment slowly on his back. Remus closes his eyes and wills his deepening breaths not to betray the turmoil that rages inside him. 

 

Just as he thinks he cannot stand any more of Sirius’ feather-like caresses, his hands are gone and Remus opens his eyes. His friend does not move but Remus dares not turn to face him. He is certain that if he does, Sirius will read everything in his face.

 

After a beat, Sirius steps in front of him with a troubled expression that Remus does not know how to decipher.

 

“There,” he hands him the jar, “you can apply the rest yourself. I’m going to pour you some water.” Remus nods and does as he’s told while Sirius disappears again.

 

He comes back longer than was necessary to pour water, Remus thinks, but then again, his judgement cannot be trusted right now. He has almost finished the application, putting some under his eyes and setting the jar aside.

 

Sirius hands him the glass of cool water and he gulps it down gratefully, sighing in satisfaction when he’s finished. Sirius sits on the arm of the armchair next to him and stares at him for a beat, silently.

 

“Listen, Remus,” he begins, “I am really sorry if Marlene and I made you uncomfortable. We shouldn’t have gotten all couple-y in front of you.”

 

Remus momentarily panics, thinking Sirius has figured him out, but reasons that his friend just believes he felt uneasy. “There’s no need to apologise. You’re in the beginning of a relationship. You’re bound to be all over each other.”

 

“No, Remus, there is need to apologise. I promised myself I wouldn’t do anything like that after the club, and then I went and did it again. I am the shittiest friend in the world. Beginning of a relationship or not, you’re one of my best friends, Rem. You shouldn’t be ignored over a watermelon.”

 

“It looked like a good watermelon, though.” Remus smiles.

 

“That it was.” Sirius smiles dreamily. Remus cannot help but smile back.

 

Gradually, Sirius’ expression shifts into one of concern. “Remus, do you… do you like Marlene?”

 

Remus is taken aback by the question. “Why do you ask?”

 

“I don’t know.”  Sirius bites his lip. “I guess I care about what you think.”

 

Remus furrows his brows. “She’s… fine, I guess. We’ve never been too close, but she has always been friendly to me. I don’t have much of an opinion. But it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is that  _ you  _ like her, nothing else. You shouldn’t care about what anyone else believes, as long as she makes you happy. Nothing I, or Peter, or James or her friends, or anyone else believes about your relationship is important. Only how  _ you  _ feel is important.”

 

Sirius is looking at him very intensely. He stays silent like that for a long while. “Yes, you’re right. Screw what anyone else might think. I’m going to do what my heart says.” 

 

“There you go.” Remus smiles, but Sirius does not smile back. He keeps staring at him, as if he’s trying to figure something out. It makes Remus nervous.

 

“Well, then,” he declares with forced cheerness and Sirius snaps out of his haze. “I better be off. I have to phone this friend of my dad’s for the… uh… for the prank. Thanks for the ointment. And the water. See you!” He picks up his bag and with one final wave he heads outside the house.

 

_ Very smooth, Lupin, _ he thinks as he closes the door and allows himself to rest his forehead against it in despair for a bit.

 

***

 

Miraculously, the prank is carried out like clockwork. As Remus predicted, Mr. Elliott is more than happy to have him and his friends sing to a young, enamoured couple, as he tells Remus over the phone. When a little more about the circumstances is explained to him he tries to back off for a while, until Remus explains that the young couple has a great sense of humour and will find the prank hilarious. Well. Raising the offer might have contributed too.

 

The Marauders and Marlene arrive on time, and make all the last-minute arrangements with the singers. They decide they should sing Dean Martin’s “That’s Amore” (“I made the arrangement myself!” Mr Elliott brags).

 

They pay them in advance and they all sit in a caf é for a while, careful not to be visible to passersby. The singers compliment Sirius and Marlene over being a beautiful couple, a compliment she preens at and he accepts with a half-smile.

 

Finally, they see Adam and Georgia pass by and enter the small establishment nearby.

 

They are quick to pay the bill and get up. They don’t want to let things go too far, after all. 

 

After five minutes, Sirius checks in the lobby and sees they are not there. He signals for them and they head to the stairs like they have business there. The receptionist looks at them queerly, but says nothing.

 

They ascend to the third floor. Marlene and the boys wait by the stairs, while with one final nod the quartet advances to the room where Georgia and Adam supposedly are.

 

_ Please let us have the correct number, _ Remus prays.

 

Mr. Elliott knocks the door and says he’s from room service, when asked. Then the door opens.

 

From their spot by the stairs, they cannot see much, but they hear Adam’s startled “What the…” and Georgia’s piercing shriek when the men start singing  _ “IN NAPOLIII/WHERE LOVE IS KIIING”  _ at the top of their voices.

 

They can barely contain their laughter as they hear the famous tune in an exaggerated Italian accent over Georgia screaming “WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK!”

 

In the end they manage to sing half the song before Adam closes the door to them. Remus thinks he might die because he is laughing so hard he cannot breathe. Sirius is banging his head against the wall hysterically and James is on the floor.

 

The singers pass them by with a wave goodbye and a smile on their faces.

 

“We should… leave… before… they open… the door,” James manages to utter in between laughter. They all get up, still cackling, and they exit the building.

 

“That. Was. Brilliant!” Marlene declares, wiping the tears in her eyes as they head to the square. “I mean, they’re going to figure out it’s us sooner or later, but it was so worth it.”

 

“I think you’re overestimating their intelligence,” Remus points out to her.

 

“You’re right,” she agrees and smiles at him.  _ She’s alright, after all. I should learn to like her. _

 

“Let’s head to the bus stop, then. The next one should be here in,” James glances at his watch, “fifteen minutes.”

 

“Actually,” Sirius starts, “Marlene and I will stay here, if you guys don’t mind.” Marlene smiles apologetically.

 

“Sure thing guys, have fun, just be careful not to run into Georgia and Adam,” James warns. 

 

“Nah, I think we’re safe. They will be too busy trying and failing to get it on with that melody stuck in their heads,” Sirius points out.

 

“You’re probably right. Goodbye guys!” The three of them head to the bus station while Sirius and Marlene go the other way. Remus feels the now familiar pang of sorrow as he watches them, but thinks he might learn to ignore it, eventually.

 

“Beers in the Mansion to celebrate?” James suggests. Peter and Remus nod their heads.

 

***

 

Remus sees Sirius again sooner then he’d anticipated. It’s barely ten o’clock at night and the three of them are bent over a game of poker with jelly beans as currency, when the door opens and he steps in.

 

“Back so soon?” James asks.

 

“Well, yes. There wasn’t much more to do.”

 

“What do you mean?” James asks again.

 

“I broke up with Marlene.”

 

Remus whips his head up so fast he’s surprised he didn’t strain a muscle.

 

“What?!” the three of them chorus simultaneously.

 

“But it’s barely been five days!” James protests.

 

“Sirius, lad, are you mental? What did you so that for? Did she do something?” Peter despairs.

 

“No, no. She was perfectly okay. Well, at least up until I told her I wanted us to break up. She didn’t take that very well.”

 

“Then why’d you do it?” Remus cannot even begin to wrap his head around this inexplicable development.

 

“Well,” Sirius turns to look at him, “I guess my heart wasn’t in it.” Remus opens his mouth but no sound comes out.

 

“What’re you talking about, mate? You were fine up until we left. You got along fine! You brought her along on a prank! She gave you a hickey!” Peter’s voice has raised so high it resembles a mouse shriek.

 

“Will you drop it, Peter? I told you my heart wasn’t in it! Now, will you finish that round or shall we start a new one?” He pulls a chair and sits down. Peter and James stare at him as if he’s gone mental. Remus still hasn’t gotten over the shock.

 

“Fine, if you useless lot stare at me like statues, I’m going to redistribute those cards.” He takes them off everybody’s hands and shuffles them. “ _ And _ I’m going to start off with five more jellybeans than you.”

 

“Now hold on a minute,” James speaks up, “you may have lost your marbles, but I haven’t yet. You’ll start with the same amount as everyone.”

 

“Knew this would wake you up,” Sirius smirks and starts dealing the cards.

 

When Remus dares to look up again, he finds Sirius smiling at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *drum roll*
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> I wanna be your lover - Prince  
> Give a little bit - Supertramp
> 
>    
> Thank you for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!
> 
> Also, happy Pride month :D


	9. Chapter 9

A few days pass since Sirius’ inexplicable breakup with Marlene. Though evidently still baffled, James and even Peter have dropped the subject. Everything pretty much returns to the way it was before, with the exception of the death glares Marlene and her friends cast them now, every time they cross paths.

 

Sirius mostly acts like he doesn’t see them, and the rest of them do the same.

 

There is one small change, though: ever since the breakup, Sirius and Remus have not only gotten over the awkwardness that loomed over them, but have come even closer than they were before.

 

Sirius starts coming to Remus’ room late at night again, and their conversations are more pleasant and effortless than ever before. Every now and then, though, there is a lull in the conversation. Sirius’ face assumes a strange look, and he gazes at Remus nervously, as if he wants to say something, but cannot bring himself to.

 

During those moments, Remus holds his breath in anxious anticipation, but the moment always passes and Sirius starts rambling about one thing or the other.

 

Remus thinks Sirius is working up the courage to tell him about his family, and hopes that one of these days he will be able to.

 

It’s not just the late-night conversations, though: everywhere they go, Sirius always sits next to him. He ruffles his hair, teases him good-heartedly, stops by the bookshop so that he and Remus can play with the cats.

 

All of these things do nothing to help poor Remus’ infatuation to subside, but he enjoys Sirius’ attention and affection so much that he doesn’t mind. He still might not comprehend why his friend broke up with Marlene, but he is certainly not sad about it.

 

The end of July is approaching, and the dog days are upon them in all their hot, lethargic glory. Clothing is reduced to the bare minimum, and more time is spent in the sea than anywhere else. The fridge is stocked with ice to its brim, and it is used not only for drinks, but also to be melted on the overheated bodies, when things are getting desperate. 

 

Remus’ treacherous eyes have many a time followed the journey of a water drop trickling down Sirius’ bare chest, as he applies ice on it, lying on a couch, his hair haphazard and his gaze hazy while he half-sleeps.

 

Afternoons like this, Remus stares at him, not being able to contain himself in the trance-like state the heat renders him in. No one notices him, the tiredness from the beach and the full stomach from lunch making all of the others close their eyes and take a nap. 

 

Remus fights his heavy lids from closing, though: this is the only time he can look at Sirius the way he wants to, the way he’ll never be allowed to when he’s awake. He roams his eyes over his long legs, his thin torso and his peaceful, resting face, his closed eyes, his half-open lips, a strange mixture of desire and affection flooding him.

 

One such afternoon, on July 23rd, Sirius is sleeping on his usual spot on the couch while Remus is sitting on the armchair opposite him, staring at him as always. Peter and James have chosen to sleep on the beds upstairs.

 

Remus is so distracted by his staring, that he doesn’t notice Sirius slowly open his eyes at first. When he does, adrenaline floods him at having been caught, but Sirius’ mouth only spreads into a dopey smile, his eyes still sleepy.

 

“Hey, Rem” he greets lethargically, though his tone is filled with affection.

 

“Hey.” Remus wills himself to sound casual.

 

“Want to go for a swim?”

 

“James and Peter are still asleep.”

 

“All the better. We’ll go without them,” Sirius states matter-of-factly and yawns, stretching his arms. “Come on. Let’s get up.”

 

Remus cannot help but obey, bewildered by his friend’s whim, but not minding. He and Sirius have never gone for a swim alone before.

 

“Alright. They can always find us at the Golden Coast when they’re awake.”

 

“Actually…” Sirius, who has just gotten up himself, hesitates. “I was thinking we could maybe go swim in the Ivy Bay. It’ll be nice not to bump into Marlene for a change.”

 

“Alright,” Remus agrees. Because the Ivy Bay requires walking some distance, no one prefers it, especially when days get hot. Marlene definitely won’t be there.

 

They pack their things in silence, and Remus makes sure to apply copious sunscreen. He really doesn’t want to repeat the torture of getting sunburnt. “Is there any paper? Maybe we should leave them a note so that they know where we are.”

 

“Um… I’m sure they’ll figure it out,” Sirius supplies a bit nervously. “Come on then, we’ll be late.”

 

“Late for wh-?”

 

“Let’s go, Remus.” Remus furrows his eyebrows in confusion at his friend’s weird behaviour, but shrugs and follows him.  _ Maybe the heat’s muddled his brain. _

 

They walk through the dirt road that leads to the Ivy Bay in the scorching heat - it is barely five o’clock - and Remus would be more angry at Sirius for making them walk for a quarter of an hour under such conditions, if it weren’t for the beautiful scenery the sea creates on his right hand, which he can enjoy now that it’s not dark. 

 

After what feels like an eternity, they reach the spot where they have  to get knee-deep inside the water in order to pass ; they do it almost running, and Remus nearly falls when he stumbles onto a rock.

 

Finally, they are there. The beach is completely empty and the water looks peaceful and inviting.

 

“Race you!” Sirius abruptly yells and tosses his backpack on the ground, takes off his wet shoes and runs to the sea. Remus curses and tries to do the same with less success: a shoe refuses to go off. He starts running just as Sirius takes a graceful plunge and sinks in the water.

 

Remus falls in much more gracelessly, colliding with the surface and causing a big splash.

 

“Loser!” A dripping wet Sirius emerges and tosses water to his face, laughing all along.

 

“Cheater!” Remus retorts and does the same. Their water fight leaves them breathless and giggly. Sirius’ smile is big and bright. It is also contagious. 

 

He takes advantage of Remus staring at him like an idiot to pull him by the shoulders and sink him in the sea. Remus blindly pulls at his arm and does the same.

 

“Still a loser,” Sirius teases when they emerge again, coughing.

 

They play-fight for a little more time, and when they get bored of that they swim together, going as far from the shore as they dare to.The bottom of the sea is full of life: they can spot tiny fish make their way beneath them, and the seaweed are swaying calmly in the direction of the sea’s current. On their left, they can discern the first houses of Fenneltown, the Mansion dominating amongst them, both in size and in style. It looks like their older, gothic cousin.

 

“Ugh, it sticks out like a sore thumb,” Sirius comments disapprovingly. “Of course my ancestors had to go and build something completely different from anything else.”

 

Remus wants to argue and say that though it may be so, it is still a beautiful house, but something tells him not to.

 

He changes the topic of the conversation and informs Sirius of how every part of the rocky scenery they can spot is called, of how, even though he is a local, he still gets confused sometimes when his parents talk of this place or that place. He talks of Tickleborough that can be barely spotted somewhere on their right, of how his parents always took him there when primary school was over, to eat fish and walk by the sea, and talk about what he had learnt that year and what he hoped to learn the next.

 

Sirius listens to all this with keen interest and a faint smile on his face that quite pleases Remus. He doesn’t think anyone has ever looked at him with such interest in their gaze as Sirius does.

 

Time passes talking of things like that, and the next moment Remus looks around, the sun is considerably lower and a breeze that makes the parts of him that are out of the water cold, has started blowing. They decide to get out and rest for a bit.

 

They run for their towels and wrap them around them, slightly shivering. Sirius proposes they sit on a fairly easily accessible lean rock, and they do that, not leaving much distance between them.

 

Sirius is silent for a while, but Remus dares not speak, sensing his friend is preparing to tell him something.

 

Eventually, he starts talking.

 

“Remus… remember… remember how I promised to tell you about my family?”

 

Remus’ heart starts beating faster. “Yes, of course I remember.”

 

“Well, you might think I’ve forgotten about this, but I haven’t. Just… with all that has happened… I never found the right opportunity to follow along with it.”

 

“That’s alright, Sirius. And you are not obliged to tell me anything if you don’t want to.”

 

“I know that.”

 

Another pause.

 

“Well, as you probably recall, when we first arrived here, everybody was impressed of how my parents were so lax that they allowed me to go on holiday alone with my best friend.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I let them believe this but… it’s not the truth.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“My parents didn’t let me come here, they  _ exiled _ me here.”

 

Remus is confused. “They exiled you? For what?”

 

“For getting that tattoo. They think tattoos are for criminals and prisoners.”

 

“But how… how could coming to a nice village with your best friend be punishment?”

 

“Think about it, Remus. They sent me to a place I was not familiar with,  _ alone, _ while they are on a big expensive trip to Greece. And it’s not like they left me a choice. They just ordered me to pack my bag, gave me an address on a slip of paper and put me on a bus against my will. They sent me alone in a big house when I had no idea how to fend for myself. Everything in my house, from making the bed to preparing the food, is done by the maids, because my parents think doing those things on our own is degrading. They gave me barely enough money for the journey here and back home. All in all, I was destined to suffer.”

 

“But… what about James?”

 

“James wasn’t supposed to come here with me. When he learnt about what my parents intended, bless his soul, he convinced his parents to let him come with me instead of to the French Riviera with them, and give him enough money for us to get by. My parents weren’t supposed to know and he would help me any way he could, although God knows the git is as useless as me in those matters.” Sirius smiles fondly. “He’s the best friend I could have asked for. I told him a million times that he didn’t have to do this, but he wouldn’t hear it.”

 

Remus feels immense gratitude and admiration toward James. He thanks the stars that Sirius has such a caring best friend. Graver thoughts are concerning him, though. “You said they weren’t supposed to know. Did they find out?”

 

“Yes, they found out about it. I still don’t know how but I suspect my brother, the little shit did somehow and told them.”

 

“That’s what those news you received were about?”

 

“Oh, yes. I’m surprised you remember that. They sent me a threatening letter, telling me that if my behaviour continues like this, there will be graver consequences.”

 

Remus’ hair has stood up from the things he’s hearing. How could this beautiful, caring, clever boy be treated like that by his own parents? “But how… how could they do something like that to you?” he stutters, indignant.

 

“Easily and without guilt,” Sirius jokes bitterly, a sad smile on his face. “My family, as you might have gathered, comes from old money. The things they most value are wealth and political power. All they care about is multiplying those two things. If their son’s behaviour does not agree with that philosophy, he will be accordingly punished.”

 

_ My God, please let this be some sort of prank. Things like that can’t be happening in real life. _ Unfortunately, Remus knows that Sirius is not joking.

 

“Are your parents involved in politics?” is the safest thing he can bear to ask. He fears that any other question will be answered in a way that will crush his heart. 

 

“Of course they are. They support that cunt, Thatcher. Well, support doesn’t quite cover it. They are amongst the biggest funders of her party. They are fucking convinced she is going to win the election and they’re going to rise in power with her. And what’s more, I think they’re right,” Sirius visibly shivers. “One time, they even had her over for dinner,” his lips raise in a sly smile. “I made sure there wouldn’t be a second one.”

 

“Uhm, what?” Remus asks, intrigued and a little scared.

 

“I sneaked into the kitchens and poured so much salt in the food that it was impossible to eat afterwards.”

 

“Oh, Lord.” Remus tries to contain his laughter. “For a minute there, I thought you had poisoned her.”

 

“Unfortunately not, but you should have seen her face when she tried it. I was laughing for days, thinking about it. My parents, of course, immediately knew I was behind that, but Thatcher couldn’t know the Black heir was such a disgrace, and so they blamed it on the chef and fired him. I had James convince his family to hire him, though,” he hastens to add when he sees Remus’ disapproving expression. “Ever since then, they always go to dinner with her somewhere else and make up some excuse as to why I couldn’t come.”

 

“Oh my God, you pulled a prank on Margaret Thatcher!” Remus exclaims in disbelief. “And you got away with it!”

 

Sirius’ face darkens. “Well. I didn’t exactly get away with it. They punished me fittingly when she left.”

 

“Fittingly?”

 

“Oh, don’t worry, nothing physical. Walburga wouldn’t ever get her hands dirty like that.” Remus decides it is wiser not to push this conversation further. He has learnt all he needs to know, and Sirius looks agitated, staring right in front of him with a troubled look, breathing heavily.

 

“No, she punishes differently. She makes me stay alone in my room for days on end, sometimes with barely a meal a day,” he continues on his own, seeming like he barely registers Remus’ presence anymore. “She forbids me from getting out of the house, or using the phone, and she always makes a show of showering Regulus with praise and presents and comparing us, always saying how much better of a son he is, how I am a disgrace that shouldn’t even have been born.”

 

Remus’ heart is breaking into a million pieces. “And Regulus… he doesn’t say anything?”

 

Sirius laughs bitterly. “Oh no. He is mama’s perfect little boy. He always kills himself to please them and prove that he’s better than I am, even at my expense. But what he doesn’t understand is, I don’t care. I don’t want their praise, or their twisted, false affection. I just want my brother back. They are taking him from me.”

 

Sirius grows more and more upset with every new thing he says, and Remus feels useless, not knowing what to do. He decides Sirius needs to let it all out, and all he can do is listen.

 

“I don’t care about any of them,” Sirius continues. “My mother is a heartless bitch. My father is never home. They don’t love me, or even Regulus. All they love is their money and their honour. They don’t even love each other. They just got married to keep the money in the family.”

 

Remus’ eyes widen. “They’re-”

 

“Cousins. Second cousins, because nowadays this is the closest blood relation for which marriage is allowed. Our house has a long history of inbreeding,” he morphs his face in disgust.

 

Remus is appalled and shocked. “So, see, I don’t give a damn if they blow me off their precious tapestry, they can burn my name, if they want to.”

 

“What tapestry?” Remus manages to ask, breaking Sirius’ monologue off.

 

“They have this huge, hand-painted tapestry in the drawing room, with this family tree that goes back for generations, and they burn any disgraced members off it. Most recent one was my cousin, Andromeda, because she married a factory worker, and I am fairly certain the next one will be me.”

 

Remus is left speechless, various different emotions raging inside him. 

 

“So, you see, Remus, I am an anomaly. I am the product of incest, a disgraced son hated by his entire problematic, loveless family. Even my name is disgusting. My father’s name is Orion and they named me Sirius, because Sirius is Orion’s dog, you see. I’m destined to be his dog from the moment I was born, Remus. And I guess that’s what I’ve become.”

 

Remus is silent for a moment. Sirius looks on the verge of tears.

 

“You, Sirius Black, are the most incredible person I’ve ever known,” he says, and Sirius whips his head at him in surprise.

 

“What?” Sirius’ expression indicates that he expected quite a different response.

 

“You are incredible.” Remus repeats. “I admire you beyond words, Sirius. You were born into a dysfunctional family with unloving, disgusting parents. You should have ended up a monster, just like them. And yet, you are the most caring, passionate, loving person I know. You’re the the person who always defends women when James and Peter are being crude, you’re the person who cares about issues other people our age haven’t even given any thought about once. You are sensitive and thoughtful of everyone around you, even those who might not deserve it. You’re loyal to your friends and you always try to treat people with kindness. How can you call yourself these things? You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met, Sirius, and getting to know you was one of the best things that’s happened to me.”

 

When he finishes his speech, his heart is beating out of his chest. Sirius is just looking at him with wide eyes, not saying anything.

 

_ Jesus Christ. I might as well have told him how I feel about him, _ he thinks, terrified.

 

Sirius still does not say anything.

 

Remus is about to utter anything to break this torturous silence when suddenly, Sirius starts leaning forward.

 

At first, he does not understand what Sirius is doing.

 

_ My God, he’s about to kiss me,  _ he realises a split-second before it actually happens.

 

When Sirius’ tentative lips meet his, he is too shocked to do anything about it. After a few seconds, Sirius pulls back, visibly disappointed.

In his fear that Sirius will mistake his shock for rejection, he leans forward and clumsily reconnects his lips with Sirius’, bumping their noses together in the process.

 

He feels Sirius’ exhale of relief against his lips, and then his hands are cupping his face, adjusting it to correct the angle. Remus dares to part his mouth a bit, and then Sirius’ lips do the same and-

 

_ -so this is how kissing is supposed to feel like, _ his brain sluggishly reflects, too intoxicated by this to be able to think clearly.

 

Remus cannot tell how much time they’re kissing for; it could either be anything between a second and an eternity. Eventually, Sirius pulls back, smiling a beautiful, timid smile.

 

“Oh, thank God. For a minute there you had me think I’d read this wrong,” is the first thing he says.

 

“No. No, you didn’t,” Remus assures him. “I was that obvious, wasn’t I?”

 

“Well…” Sirius starts, “I was suspecting, ever since Marlene, but I wasn’t sure. Not until now.”

 

“Wait a minute… that’s why you broke up with Marlene?”

 

“Well, yeah, those things usually don’t work out when you like someone else.”

 

“You like me?” Remus cannot believe what he’s hearing.

 

“Does the fact that I just kissed you not imply this?” he smiles.

 

“Yeah, no, I’m sorry, I just haven’t digested this yet. I thought this was one sided on my part,” he dares to admit.

 

“I can assure you it is not,” Sirius tells him and Remus’ heart feels like it could burst with happiness. “We’ve done enough talking for now, don’t you think?” he murmurs and Remus is more than happy to stop, as he meets him halfway for another kiss.

 

They kiss for quite some time, until Remus is feeling dizzy with it, until his surroundings fade in the background and all there is is Sirius and him and this.

 

The next time he takes in his surroundings, the sun is setting to his right, bathing Sirius in a fiery, orange light. He looks at the beautiful boy with wonder in his eyes.

 

Sirius scoots closer and puts his head on Remus’ shoulder, making his heart flutter.

 

“Remember when we last were here? I was drunk out of my mind and you carried me home, though you barely knew me.”

 

“How could I forget?” Remus murmurs.

 

“I think this was when I first started falling for you.” Sirius admits and Remus feels like he is going to explode.

 

“I… I think the same goes for me, actually,” he admits, feeling a small pang of fear, but willing himself to realise that this is okay now, that Sirius likes him back.

 

“We’ve wasted quite some time, haven’t we?” 

 

“Well, I think it was necessary,” Remus admits. “I hadn’t even realised back then.”

 

“Me neither. I’ve just done a lot of retrospective thinking.” 

 

It is still too early for Remus to wrap his head around the fact that he wasn’t alone in his torment, that Sirius was probably going through a torment of his own, over  _ him. _

 

They watch the sun set in comfortable silence, wrapped around each other.

 

“Remus…” Sirius hesitates while the sun takes a final dip in the pink and orange sky.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Thank you,” he states simply, but earnestly. 

 

Remus puts a hand on his head and starts softly petting his hair, saying nothing and hoping that this is response enough.

 

Eventually, they have to return, because it is getting dark and they have no flashlight with them. They pick up their things and just before they leave, Sirius pulls him by the neck for another brief but passionate kiss that makes Remus swoon.

 

They are careful not to engage in any displays of affection on the way back, though they can’t help but walk closer than usual, their fingers brushing against each other every now and then, sending a shiver down Remus’ spine.

 

They reach the Mansion and suddenly, he is filled with anxiety. He is nervous his friends will take one look at them and figure out everything. It feels like the world has tilted on its axis ever since Sirius kissed him. How could no change be visible?

 

As if he’s guessed his thoughts, Sirius gives him a quick, reassuring squeeze of the hand and opens the door.

 

James and Peter are sitting on the living room and lift their heads when they enter.

 

“Where the hell have you been?” James asks. “We went to the Golden Coast but you weren’t there.”

 

Remus momentarily panics, but then Sirius responds, calm as if nothing happened: “We just went to the Ivy Bay to avoid Marlene and her flock.”

 

“Oh, okay. You could’ve told us to come.” James appears a tad annoyed.

 

“Oh, come off it, James it’s not like we didn’t want you there. What could we be doing? Snogging?”

 

Remus is about ready to faint, but James and Peter just chuckle. “I didn’t say that, arsehole. Now go shower, you two, so we can eat dinner.”

 

Remus does not need to hear it twice. He turns around and starts going up the stairs. When he reaches the top, he hears footsteps behind him. In the flash of a moment, Sirius is behind him with his arms around his waist, kissing his cheek. 

 

“You silly idiot,” Remus scolds affectionately, reveling in the touch, “did you really have to say that?”

 

“I couldn’t resist,” Sirius simply states, giving him another kiss.

 

“Of course you couldn’t. Now go get in the shower, we have to show up for dinner at a reasonable time.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Sirius responds and steps away from behind him, blows him another kiss and goes to his room. Remus calmly opens the door to his, steps inside, closes it, and then plunges head-first on his bed and screams in his pillow.

 

***

 

After dinner and excruciatingly long rounds of card games, during which Remus tries really hard not to smile at Sirius like a smitten fool, he is sitting on his bed yet again, drumming his fingers against the bedpost.

 

He had assumed Sirius was going to come to his room as usual, would want to even more now, given recent developments, but it’s been fifteen minutes since the time he usually comes and there is no sign of him.

 

He is getting more and more nervous with every second that passes. What if Sirius has changed his mind? What if he’s realised that he doesn’t actually like Remus, what if it all was a fancy that has passed now?

 

He feels like he’s going to die from this agony, but fortunately the door opens just then, and Sirius steps in.

 

“Sorry I’m late, that idiot James wouldn’t sleep. He kept bugging me on and on about Lily and if he should tell her the thing with Sharon to make her jealous.”

 

“Ah. That’s fine,” Remus exhales, dizzy with relief.

 

“No, it was not. I couldn’t wait to see you! I swear to God, I would kill him if he delayed me any more. I thought I was going to burst!”

 

“Oh,” is all Remus can say, still not used to statements like these coming out of Sirius’ mouth.

 

Sirius crosses the room and slowly sits on the bed, facing Remus, seeming, for the first time, as lost as Remus feels. He extends one hand and tucks a strand of Remus’ hair behind his ear. He scoots a bit closer, until their noses are inches apart, and Remus can make out tiny dark spots in his grey eyes.

 

He roams his gaze across his face for a while, observing him closer than he ever thought he’d get. Everything about him is beautiful.

 

Sirius seems to not be able to wait anymore, and he closes the distance between them. This time their kiss is slow, unhurried and sweet as molasses. Remus wants to drown inside the sensation; he thinks he could never get enough of it.

 

Suddenly, a noise comes from outside, and they spring apart, as if burned, just in time before  James opens the door and enters the room casually.

 

He takes a look at them; their eyes are wide, their breaths are heaving and their hair is tousled.

 

He does not notice a single thing.

 

“Sorry to interrupt your chit-chat, ladies, but this is an emergency.”

 

“What kind of emergency?” Remus asks, concerned.

 

“I’ve decided it’s not a good idea to tell Lily about Sharon. She will think I’m not faithful to her if I do.”

 

Remus puts his face in his hands.

 

“James,” Sirius says through gritted teeth, “she will  _ not _ think you are not faithful to her, because you  _ are. not. together. _ ”

 

“But disregarding that minor detail,” he proclaims while Sirius sighs in despair, “it will give her the impression that I am not fit for a steady relationship because I sleep around.”

 

“James, you haven’t even sl-”

 

“I think your reasoning is great, James,” Remus interrupts Sirius, giving the latter a meaningful glance. “It would be best if you showed her you’re staying faithful to her.”

 

James beams at him. “You’re right, Remus, mate, I knew you’d understand! That’s exactly what I’m gonna do.”

 

“Alright then.” Remus smiles reassuringly. “Good night.”

 

“Good night lads!” he bids them and exits the room.

 

“We’re going to have to start locking that door,” Sirius points out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :,)
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Don't go breaking my heart - Elton John & Kiki Dee  
> Waterloo - ABBA
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	10. Chapter 10

Indeed, ever since that dreadful incident, they start locking the door. Thankfully, no one has tried to get in since then, otherwise Remus does not know how they would justify it. Still, however, it gives them a sense of security.

 

They start sneaking around every opportunity they get: taking long walks outside Fenneltown before James and Peter wake up, making up excuses to not come swimming and stay home on their own, volunteering to cook meals and taking an abnormally long time because they spend half the time snogging against the kitchen counter; sometimes, they even hold hands under the table during dinner. James wonders as to how Sirius has suddenly decided to eat with his left hand.

 

They are neither masterful in their shenanigans, nor subtle. However, they have a big, big asset that saves them from getting discovered every time:

 

Their being involved is the last thing that would ever cross James and Peter’s mind.

 

It allows them to be careful around them, but not too careful, because every affectionate gesture, every look, every caress, either is interpreted as a sign or friendship or completely goes over their heads. Remus is starting to believe that even if they were to snog right in front of them, they still would not suspect a thing.

 

This is very convenient for them, and allows them to not live in a state of constant anxiety.

 

For a week and a half, they kiss a lot and speak very little. They have not talked about what they are or how serious this is to either of them, and Remus wants to, he does, but he fears that if he brings this up, this unspoken, fragile thing they have is going to break, or he’s going to receive an answer he does not like.

 

Truth be told, a little voice inside Remus’ head has been whispering to him that it doesn’t make sense for someone like Sirius to really want to be with someone like him; that if he asks about what they are Sirius will stare at him pityingly and tell him that they’re nothing, that he’s just experimenting; that he’s sorry, but he doesn’t feel anything more. Try as he might to reason with himself, these thoughts stay in his head all the same.

 

Besides, he has Sirius now. He can stare at him openly, and kiss him, and stroke his hair, and what’s more, they have come closer than ever before in every sense. They are more honest, more trusting, more comfortable around each other than ever. Why should he jeopardize all of that for one silly talk? They are fine enough despite the uncertainty.

 

That is, until Peter decides to meddle with Sirius’ love life.

 

They are sitting in the yard at noon, because the temperature is not that high today and a cool sea wind is blowing. Remus loses for the fifth time in a row in cards, tossing them on the small table in exasperation. Cards are one thing he is really, really awful at. Though he can understand the rules, he does not have the strategic mind needed to play and win.

 

“I don’t know why I even bother,” he complains.

 

“Oh, come on, Rem, you weren’t that bad,” Sirius consoles him, smiling in a cheeky way that says ‘yeah, you really were that bad.’

 

“I was, but thanks for the consolation,” Remus teases.

 

They smile at each other, getting dopier by the moment, when Peter interrupts them.

 

“In other news, I spoke with Lucy yesterday.”

 

James furrows his eyebrows. “So?”

 

“Well, we were talking about this and that and well…” he smiles slyly, “she let slip that she finds one certain Sirius Black handsome, and I thought I’d play cupid.”

 

“What do you mean?” Sirius asks while Remus starts to panic.

 

“I told her I could arrange her a date with you.”

 

“What? Who told you I wanted to go on a date with her?” Sirius asks, not in a very mild tone.

 

Peter widens his eyes. “Well, calm down mate, it’s not like I arranged for you to marry her. It’s just a date. If you don’t like her you won’t go on a second one.”

 

Sirius opens his mouth to say something more, but James intervenes. “Peter’s right. I don’t understand why you got your knickers in a twist. You’re single, she’s single, where’s the harm in it?”  Remus’ panic is fully fledged now.

 

“I just don’t want to! Will you two come off it?” Sirius declares, irritated, gets up and leaves.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Peter wonders.

 

“Wish I knew, man,” James supplies.

 

Throughout the day, Remus’ head is an agitated chaos. What if Sirius wants to date Lucy, and he just said no because he was there? What if he gets bored of being only with Remus and leaves him? What if he just pities Remus or feels obliged in some way, and that’s why he shot this down?

 

When Sirius comes to his room that night and jumps on the bed, the first thing that leaves his mouth is “You know, if you do like Lucy, you should go on a date with her.”

 

Sirius, who was preparing to close the distance between them and kiss him, pulls back while his expression instantly darkens. “What? Did you just say I should go on a date with Lucy?”

 

“I’m just saying that if you want to, go right ahead. Fine by me.”

 

“Fine by you, is it?” Sirius asks angrily.

 

“Yes, I mean, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to go out with her. She’s beautiful, and clever, and a very good girl,” Remus is directly quoting what the little voice inside his head has been saying to him all day.

 

“Well, it sounds like you _want_ me to date her, for whatever reason, and if that’s the case, then your wish is my command,” he concludes snarkily, abruptly gets off the bed and exits the room.

 

Remus puts his face in his hands.

 

_Oh my God. What have I done?_ he thinks, while hot tears start dribbling down his cheeks.

 

***

 

The next day, Sirius tells Peter he will go on a date with Lucy, and he arranges it for the following night. They pass that day barely speaking, and Sirius does not come to his room at night, rendering Remus even more desperate.

 

At eight o'clock on the morrow, Sirius is ready to go meet Lucy, dressed in a nice black shirt, jeans and his Doc Martens, wearing his cross earring and his silky hair down.

 

Remus watches him get ready from the living room couch, vividly fantasising about throwing himself off a cliff.

 

Sirius bids them goodbye, taking one short look at Remus before he opens the door and leaves.

 

Remus tries to talk to James and Peter, but hears nothing over the tumult in his head, and so he claims he has a headache and goes up to his room.

 

Once there, he tortures himself further with images of Sirius and Lucy talking, hitting it off, kissing. Lucy is a very likeable girl and Sirius will probably be charmed by her and her pretty eyes and her kindness.

 

Why the hell did he tell Sirius to go on a date with her? He had refused on his own, and then he went and urged him to do it. He’s pushed him to the arms of another. He’s destroyed everything.

 

Thoughts like these make tears well up in his eyes yet again and he lies on his bed, looking at the ceiling, and lets them fall until his vision blurs.

 

He realises he’s fallen asleep when he’s woken up by a knock on the door.

 

“Yes?” he croaks and the door opens and Sirius steps in. Remus widens his eyes in surprise and sits up immediately, his heart beating faster.

 

“How’d it go?” he manages to ask.

 

“Fine enough, I guess,” Sirius answers impassively.

 

“Did you… did you kiss?” Remus’ sleep-muddled brain does not have the strength to stop him from asking this or tearing up yet again.

 

Sirius’ façade breaks instantly once he sees his tears, and with one swift move he is next to Remus, looking at him with wide eyes.

 

“What? Of course not! Why would we kiss? What made you think that, Remus?”

 

“I just thought… with what I said… that I'd lost you… I was so stupid, Sirius,” he tries to compose himself, but instead he starts crying in earnest.

 

“No, no, Remus of course you didn't lose me, I was just a bit angry because I thought you didn't care that I went out with someone else, but it will take much more than that for you to lose me, idiot,” Sirius says softly.

 

“Really?”

 

“Of course! You’re my boyfriend, aren’t you? I wouldn’t break up with you just because we had a little fight. ”

 

Remus lifts his head in shock. “I'm your boyfriend?”

 

“Of course you are, didn't you… oh my God. You didn't know.”

 

“No, I didn't know,” Remus answers, giggling with relief. “It’s not like you told me.”

 

“Oh, Lord. Of course. I am such an idiot. I just thought it went without saying. Is this why you told me to go out with Lucy? ”

 

“Well, I just thought you’d get bored of being with just me…”

 

“You thought I'd want to see other people?” Sirius asks like the very thought is outrageous. “Remus, you're the only one I want. I don't want to be with anyone else.”

 

Remus has transitioned from desperate sadness to giddy joy in just a few moments. He feels like he's on cloud nine. “God, I'm sorry Sirius. I was such an idiot.”

 

“No, don't blame yourself. I was as much of an idiot. We should've talked. I shouldn't have just assumed you knew what was going on in my brain.” He leans forward and wipes the remnants of the tears from Remus’ cheeks.

 

“Look. I won't go on a date with Lucy again, or with anyone else. I spent all of it thinking about you, anyway. And I don't care if anyone suspects about us. Let them.” He takes Remus’ hands in his and kisses them.

 

“So…” Remus says after a pause. “We’re in a relationship? I'm your boyfriend?” He still cannot quite believe this.

 

“Yes, silly,” Sirius assures him, smiling, and leans in for their first kiss in two days. It hasn't been that long but to Remus it felt like an eternity. He has desperately missed this.

 

Here, wrapped in Sirius’ arms, feeling his warmth and kissing his lips, finally easing the thoughts in his head and calling himself his boyfriend, he is happy, happy beyond any imagination, and the fact that in less than a month Sirius will be gone is but a fleeting, distant thought.

 

***

 

After this incident, Sirius starts displaying his affection towards Remus even more, even when they are in public. He flings a casual arm around his shoulder when they walk outside, he ruffles Remus’ hair whenever he feels like it, he fusses with his clothes and fixes them, he jumps on Remus’ back and demands piggy-back rides, and when it’s just the four of them, he sometimes lays his head on Remus’ chest and closes his eyes, dozing off.

 

At first, Remus worries he is making things too obvious, but to his amazement, no one, not even Peter and James, around whom Sirius is even more unreserved, no one at all, has the faintest suspicion of what is going on.

 

He is more than happy with their peers’ obliviousness, but he can tell there is something nagging at Sirius, something that makes him furrow his brows every time their friends do not react to his ministrations.

 

If Remus didn’t know that Sirius is not a madman, he would presume he _wants_ them to be discovered.

 

He decides he needs to confront his boyfriend before something irreparable happens.

 

That night, he proposes to Sirius they go for a walk instead of staying in his room. The sky is dark and the moon is not big yet, and a million twinkling stars are visible above them.

 

They walk in silence for a while, staring up at them, and Sirius takes his hand.

 

A small pang of panic pinches his chest, but he wills himself to calm down after taking a look at the deserted streets.

 

“Want to go for a night swim?” Sirius suggests.

 

“But we didn’t bring any bathing suits.”

 

“Well, we could swim in our underwear. Or naked.”

 

Remus gulps. “Underwear sounds fine.”

 

“Alright, then.” Sirius brings Remus’ hand to his mouth and softly kisses it, and Remus suddenly feels like he is made of something liquid and is going to melt any second.

 

They decide the Golden Coast is the safest option provided they don’t have flashlights. Even if they meet anyone, to their eyes they’ll be just two friends going for a swim.

 

They arrive and Remus thanks his lucky stars that the beach is empty. Sirius takes off his shirt, shoes and pants, and Remus does the same, albeit a bit slower, distracted by the faintly discernible outlines of Sirius’ body.

 

A strong feeling of desire almost makes him suggest they swim naked after all, but his fear does not let him say it. He is not ready for this kind of intimacy yet.

 

He follows Sirius and gets inside. Thankfully, the sea has nothing but sand underneath it, because the only light is the one the almost empty moon casts, and so they are wrapped in almost complete darkness, being able to see each other only because they are that close.

 

Sirius approaches him when the water reaches up to their shoulders, and lifts him in his arms. Remus wraps his hands around his neck, and they kiss like that, in the faint moonlight, where no one will be able to see them, not even from the street that is a few yards further.

 

Remus allows himself to get lost in the kiss for a while, almost forgetting what he brought Sirius here for. When they pull back, he looks at Sirius dazedly for a few seconds, but then suddenly remembers the purpose of this night walk.

 

“Sirius…”

 

“Yes?” he asks, distracted, running his thumb over Remus’ cheek.

 

“I can tell… I can tell something is bothering you, and I wouldn’t nag you about it, but after what happened with Lucy… I think it’s best if we talked things out.”

 

“Once again, you have me figured out,” Sirius sighs, withdrawing his hand and putting Remus down slowly. “I will tell you if you want me to, but you’re not going to like it,” he warns.

 

“Tell me anyway,” Remus resolves, steeling himself.

 

“I will of course never do it unless you agree to it but I… I want to tell James.” Remus feels trepidation rise within him.

 

“About us?”

 

“Yes. I know it sounds stupid, but… it’s just… ever since I was eleven, I never hid anything from him. He knows all my secrets. He’s the only one that knows everything about my family, except for you now, and he’s always supported me no matter what I did. His parents feel more like my parents than my actual parents.”

 

“I understand,” Remus says, because he does.

 

“So, to hide from him such an important thing to me, it doesn’t feel right.”

 

Remus nods again, unsure of how to respond.

 

“Look, I don’t claim to know how he will react, because he’s said some insensitive things back when we were smaller but… I can guarantee you he will not tell anyone. I know you don’t know him as well as I do, but trust me on this.”

 

“I believe you,” Remus assures him. He himself would believe the same, even without Sirius guaranteeing it. “It’s not James telling people that I’m worried about,” Remus finds himself saying. “It’s you that I’m worried about. What if James’ reaction is not good? How will you feel about that?”

 

Sirius is silent for a long beat. “If James does not accept me for who I am, then he will just be another addition in that long list of people. I can take it. I’m used to it.”

 

Remus’ heart breaks at hearing these words, and he wants to believe Sirius, he wants to believe he could indeed take it, but he knows it is a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:  
> I want you to want me - Cheap Trick  
> If you leave me now - Chicago
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	11. Chapter 11

Remus does little but think about what Sirius told him for all of the following day. Every time he imagines telling the truth to James, a cold wave of pure dread rushes through him. Despite his dread, though, he understands that Sirius needs to tell his friend about this a lot more than he lets on. Were Remus to refuse, he would of course comply, but it would make him miserable.

 

Remus cares about him way too much to allow something like that.

 

Besides, he is almost certain James will not stop being Sirius’ friend. Their friendship is not a shallow one, one maintained by commodity. It runs deeper than most friendships Remus has seen, of people their age and even of adults.

 

He’s not sure if James will continue liking  _ him _ , though. He’s only known him for two months. He might believe Remus is the one who led Sirius down this path.

 

However, Sirius’ well being is much more important than what James thinks of Remus.

 

And this thought is what makes him ignore the knot of fear that has formed in his stomach and agree to tell James the truth.

 

“Really? Are you absolutely certain?” Sirius asks, eyes wide, when he tells him so that night in his room.

 

“Yes. I am. Only… I have one condition.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I would like for Peter not to know.” Remus entertained the thought of including him on the secret for a bit, but almost immediately dismissed the idea. Peter has repeatedly and vocally made homophobic comments before, and would certainly react very negatively. Besides, he lives in Fenneltown and knows everyone here. He is an awful secret keeper and could very well make this known to the entire village and destroy Remus’ life.

 

“Of course.” Sirius agrees. “I wouldn’t want to tell him anything, myself. I know he’s a Marauder and all but… there’s something off about him, isn’t there?”

 

“Yes,” Remus says, relieved that he is not insane for not entirely warming up to Peter, though he’s known him for many years.

 

“Remus.” Sirius takes both his hands in his and looks at him earnestly. “Are you completely certain? If you don’t want to, then I don’t want to do it either.”

 

In one of the rare moments Remus initiates something, he leans and kisses his boyfriend, softly but firmly. “I am certain. Let’s do it.”

 

“Thank you,” Sirius says softly, his eyes full of something that makes Remus want to look away, but also to never stop looking.

 

***

 

They have to find a time when Peter is not with them, and for better or worse it comes soon, because the next day in the afternoon Peter is on grocery shop duty.

 

“Don’t do anything too fun without me, lads!” Peter had told them before he left and they have definitely complied to his wish.

 

James, Remus and Sirius have been alone in the living room, silently, for about an hour. The latter two are trading nervous gazes James is, of course, completely oblivious to. He tries to pick up a conversation with them, but it falls flat every time. Remus cannot even hear half of what he’s saying over his racing heart.

 

Once again, James fails to observe that something is the matter and simply shrugs, heading to the kitchen.

 

“Right, Sirius, it’s now or never,” Remus says with a trembling voice, once James disappears.

 

“You’re right. Once he comes back, we’re going to do it.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Right.”

 

Sirius takes his hand and squeezes it with excruciating force that Remus doesn’t even register.

 

James emerges from the kitchen just then, holding a red cup of children’s strawberry yoghurt. He sits on the armchair opposite them, takes a spoonful and shoves it in his mouth, making a small noise of appreciation.

 

Remus and Sirius share one, last desperate look, and then the latter clears his throat.

 

“Uhm, James, we have something we’d like to tell you.”

 

“What’s it, lads?” he asks cheerfully, mouth full of pink yoghurt.

 

“Could you… could you swallow first?” Sirius pleads, voice edging on desperate.

 

James complies and Sirius takes another, shaky breath.

 

“Okay, here it goes… For the last two weeks, things have become… a little different between me and Remus.”

 

James frowns confusedly. “What do you mean? You seem fine enough to me. Did you fight?”

 

“No, no, we didn’t fight. We’re fine. In fact, we’re finer than ever,” Remus answers.

 

“Oh. Good then.” James smiles and takes another spoonful of yoghurt.

 

“But the thing is,” Sirius begins again, “things have indeed changed between us.”

 

“How so?” James asks innocently.

 

“What Sirius is trying to say is-”

 

“is that Remus and I are together.”

 

James is staring at them blankly, the spoon hovering above the yoghurt cup. Remus cringes and waits for the impact.

 

And then James starts laughing.

 

“Oh my God… good one… you nearly had me there,” he utters among heaving laughs. “Nice prank,” he continues giggling.

 

“Do you think this is a  _ joke _ ?” Sirius asks in an angry, cold tone that makes Remus flinch.

 

Even amongst his laughter, James flinches himself, and immediately stops laughing.

 

He takes a look at Sirius’ stormy face and slowly puts the spoon in the cup.

 

“You’re not joking,” he says in a small, shell-shocked voice.

 

“I’m afraid we are not,” Remus speaks up and James turns to him. “We have been in a relationship for two weeks now.”

 

“Two weeks? Since-”

 

“Since the day we went to the Ivy Bay.”

 

“So,” he turns to Sirius, “so… you’re gay?”

 

“I think so, yeah,”  Sirius answers, sounding a bit scared himself now.

 

“Wow I… I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Well say something, James!” Sirius pleads. “Because I might not have known before Remus, but this is who I’ve always been and… I’m still me! I’m still your best friend! Nothing has changed!” His voice is now trembling and he seems about ready to burst out crying, but James is still staring at him with that blank, deer-in-headlights look.

 

“This is… this is too much for me. I need a moment,” he utters, puts the yoghurt cup down, gets up and exits the house, almost running.

 

“James wait-” Sirius makes a move to get up just as James has closed the door, but Remus holds him down.

 

“I think it’s best you left him alone for now, Sirius,” he murmurs kindly. He expects some resistance, but Sirius only takes a look at him and bursts into tears.

 

“He left Remus, he’s gone, I’ve lost him forever, he hates me now,” he muffles while sobbing on Remus’ shoulder.

 

“No, you idiot,” he consoles him while running soothing circles down his back, “of course you haven’t lost him, and I doubt he could ever hate you. He just needs a little time to digest this, is all. Who wouldn’t? He‘ll come around.”

 

“Y-you think so?” Sirius sniffles, leaving some snot on Remus’ t-shirt.

 

“I know so,” Remus assures him and prays to every god he knows that he’s right.

 

***

 

Approximately an hour after he stormed out, while Sirius is lying on Remus’ lap sniffling from time to time and Remus is stroking his hair, they hear the door open and Sirius springs up.

 

James comes in slowly, with a wary look on his face. He sits on that same armchair opposite them, and takes a look at Sirius’ state of disarray.

 

“Have you been crying?” he asks, baffled.

 

“What do you think, genius?” Sirius answers, his voice sore.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I thought you’d want to stop being my friend.”

 

“What?” James utters like it’s the most absurd thing in the world. “Have you gone thick? I would never stop being your friend, you absolute bastard.”

 

“Good to know,” Sirius chuckles and Remus too feels his lips turn up in a smile.

 

“That doesn’t mean I’m used to the idea of you being a fa- a homosexual,” he corrects himself, “and I’m definitely not thrilled with it, but I’ll try to be. Just… give me time. And you two better not do anything of that sort in front of me,” he wrinkles his nose in disgust.

 

“As if we were going to give you that pleasure,” Sirius declares, smiling widely now, and James throws a pillow his way.

 

“Oh, and we’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell Peter anything,” Sirius adds. “We don’t want him to know.”

 

“As you wish, princess,” James says, but his tone is affectionate. The pillow is thrown back in James’ way. “And Remus,” he turns to him while Remus’ heart starts beating faster, “let’s see if you can make an honest man out of this whore.”

 

It is at that moment that Remus knows everything is going to be fine between them and James.

 

***

 

Thankfully, this is indeed proven to be true. At first, James acts awkwardly around them, especially when there is some display of affection between them that he can now interpret for what it is. Some days later, though, he starts getting used to the idea. When, at some point, Peter wonders once again what got into Sirius and made him break up with Marlene, James smiles slyly, looking between Remus and Sirius, trying not to laugh.

 

It’s a good thing Peter is so dense that even this escapes him.

 

After this moment, James enjoys being in on a secret nobody else knows so much, that he goes from grudgingly accepting their relationship to becoming their ally. He finds excuses to cover Sirius and Remus when they go somewhere on their own, and even spends more time alone with Peter, leaving them the coast clear. Sirius is happier than ever, and his happiness is contagious. Remus, too, feels like nothing could possibly go wrong.

 

This afternoon, Remus and Sirius have claimed they were not in the mood for swimming. When Peter started to protest, James lured him to it by inviting him to some “lads’ time, just the two of them”. Peter’s eyes went wide as saucers and he followed his idol, practically bouncing on his feet.

 

The two boys are now blessedly alone, sitting in Sirius’ room where he has brought the turntable, on the pretext of “educating Remus on real music”.

 

One hour later, a big stack of records is lying on the foot of Sirius’ bed, while the boys are sat on it, their backs propped against the wall.

 

_ “I belong to the blank generation and I can take it or leave it each time,”  _ a male voice sings, full of anger. Sirius is bopping his head and humming the lyrics under his breath, while Remus tries to understand how his boyfriend can constantly and with enjoyment listen to a type of music that is only by exception melodic. With each record Sirius puts on, he tries to find enjoyment in it, but most times cannot. He came closest when Sirius played an album called  _ The Clash _ , by a band of the same name. Now, however, he is slightly suffering by Richard Hell’s voice piercing his ear.

 

“What d’you say, Rem? Isn’t this great?”

 

“Well…” Remus starts and Sirius frowns.

 

“Well, what?”

 

“I can definitely appreciate the message in the lyrics but I can’t say I actively enjoy this type of sound, Sirius.”

 

“Pfft. You are an uncultured heathen.”

 

“Oh, come on. You can’t seriously tell me this sounds better to you than  _ The Doors _ , for example?”

 

“The ones with the dead singer?”

 

“If you want to put it like that.”

 

“I don’t think I’ve actively listened to anything of theirs.”

 

“ _ What? _ ” Remus’ eyes threaten to bulge out of his skull. How can anyone not have listened to  _ The Doors _ ?

 

“Oh, come on, Remus. They stopped making music when we were what? Nine? Ten? They’re old news.”

 

“Wow,” is all Remus can say, trying not to explode by how  _ wrong  _ Sirius is. “Well, your opinion is about to change because now it’s my turn to educate you.” He gets up and picks up his bag.

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“To my house. I’ll be back shortly.”

 

“Oh, come on, you don’t have to do this.”

 

“Oh, but I absolutely do.” And with that, Remus is out of the room.

 

He arrives at his house in less than five minutes. His dad is, as usual, sitting in the living room, and is looking slightly surprised to see him.

 

“How come you’re here, son?” he asks, and Remus marvels at how in less than two months, his being home in the afternoons has become a rarity rather than a certainty.

 

“I’m actually here to take a record with me. I need to educate the lads on  _ The Doors _ .”

 

“Oh, alright then. You know where it is.”

 

“Thanks, dad. And don’t expect me at night, I’ll probably sleep over.”

 

“Yeah, I figured.” His father smiles. “Go teach them what real music is, son!”

 

Remus says his goodbyes and is back in The Mansion shortly after. A bemused Sirius is sitting on the bed, exactly as Remus left him.

 

“So, now it is my turn to educate you,” he announces to Sirius who pouts at these words.

 

“If you deem it necessary.”

 

“I do. And don’t pretend you don’t enjoy it just to spite me,” he warns.

 

“I would never!” Sirius exclaims, offended.

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure you wouldn’t.” Remus smiles at him affectionately and lifts the needle, which is bumping against the end of the previous record. After putting it in its place, he puts on the one he’s brought.

 

“Now, this is their first album, but also my favourite. It came out in 1967.” He pulls down the lever and the needle drops.

 

The first notes of the song fill the room.  _ “You know the day destroys the night, night divides the day,” _ Jim Morrison sings.  _ “Tried to run, tried to hide, break on through to the other side!” _

 

Sirius widens his eyes at the outburst of the chorus, clearly not expecting it. His foot moves against his own volition.

 

_ “We chased our pleasures here, dug our treasures there, but can you still recall the time we cried? Break on through to the other side!”  _ the song continues and Sirius seems well into it now.

 

“You like it, don’t you?” Remus asks triumphantly during the hammond solo.

 

“Bloody hell, yes, I do, why hadn’t I listened to this earlier?” Sirius admits, his head vigorously nodding to the rhythm.

 

“Come on then, dance with me,” Remus beckons, disregarding the fact that he doesn’t know how to move in the high of the moment. Sirius happily obeys and springs up from the bed.

 

Of course,  _ he _ knows exactly how to move to the beat, his dance ethereal but also, on some way, primal, while Jim screams  _ “She get high!”  _ from the turntable.

 

Remus can but sing the lyric while his boyfriend approaches him, dancing like some sort of pagan god. He even forgets to worry about his own clumsiness in his enchantment and dances with him.

 

_ “Made the scene, week to week, day to day, hour to hour, the gate is straight, deep and wide, break on through to the other side,”  _ comes the song’s climax, and Remus’ favourite part, and a feral glee washes over him.

 

When the song ends, Sirius’ eyes are bright and he opens his mouth to say something, but has no time to before the hammond riff of the next song interrupts him.

 

Without missing a beat, Sirius continues dancing and Remus does the same. The rhythm is now less wild, and he can follow it more easily.

 

_ “Let me sleep all night in your soul kitchen, warm my mind in your gentle stove,”  _ Remus sings, looking Sirius in the eyes. The latter puts his arms around Remus’ neck and they dance like that, breathtakingly close.

 

_ “ _ _ Well, your fingers weave quick minarets, speak in secret alphabets, I light another cigarette, learn to forget-” _

 

When the second chorus breaks, Sirius surges forward and kisses Remus with a passion that makes him dizzy. He, in turn, wraps his arms around Sirius’ waist as he kisses back, open-mouthed and hungry.

 

They stay there, impossibly close and frantic, until Sirius takes one step backwards, and Remus takes a step forward, and then they’re lying on the bed, Remus on top and Sirius underneath, and still kissing.

 

_ “I’d really like to stay here all night,”  _ the song comes to its closing as Sirius moans softly and Remus feels it vibrate in his mouth and answers in kind, carding his fingers through silky black hair.

 

The noises of pleasure they make are for a brief moment audible in the room, but then Morrison starts singing again.

 

_ “Before you slipped into unconsciousness, I’d like to have another kiss-” _

 

Sirius slowly flips them over and starts casting kisses on Remus’ neck at a slower pace, affected by the lethargic song. The sensation is overwhelming, and Remus feels like he’s made of liquid.

 

Sirius finds his mouth again, sucking on his bottom lip.

 

_ “The days are bright and filled with pain, enclose me in your gentle rain-” _

 

Remus realises at that moment that he is painfully, painfully aroused and Sirius is too.

 

_ “Oh tell me where your freedom lies, the streets are fields that never die-” _

 

Slowly, while still kissing his mouth, Sirius’ hand travels from Remus’ neck to his torso-

 

_ “The Crystal Ship is being filled-” _

 

-to his stomach, to the waistband of his shorts-

 

_ “-a thousand girls, a thousand thrills-” _

 

“This is my favourite song off this album!” Remus utters, muffled by Sirius’ lips on his.

 

“What?” Sirius pulls back, hazily staring at him.

 

“ _ The Crystal Ship _ !” Remus responds frantically, bordering on manic. “It’s my favourite… my favourite song off  _ The Doors _ , I mean  _ The Doors _ as in the album, not as in the band, I mean…”

 

“Yes, I got what you mean, Remus,” Sirius sighs and assumes a sitting position, next to a still lying Remus. He rubs his face with his hand and pulls back his hair. Remus closes his eyes.

 

“God, Sirius, I’m… I’m so sorry.”

 

“You don’t have to apologise.”

 

“Yes, I do. I’ve ruined this.”

 

“No, no, Remus it’s completely fine, really.”

 

“I’m really sorry, I just panicked and…”

 

“Remus.” Sirius’ voice is firm.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Will you open your eyes and look at me?”

 

Remus does so reluctantly, slowly sitting up. His boyfriend’s face is serious, but is not carrying any hints of annoyance or malice. 

 

“We don’t have to do anything until you feel ready, alright?” He extends his hand and Remus hesitantly lays his on it. “And don’t for a second think that I expect anything from you. I wouldn’t want anything you don’t want to give to me. I’m perfectly happy just by getting to call you my boyfriend.”

 

Remus thinks he might cry. “I… I don’t know what I have done to deserve you,” he says truthfully.

 

“Funnily enough, I ask myself the same question.” Sirius shuffles closer and kisses his forehead. “Now what say you we cuddle and listen to the rest of the record? Although you may want to put  _ The Crystal Ship _ on again. I was a bit distracted the last time,” he smirks.

 

“Sounds like a great plan to me.” Remus smirks back, gets up, adjusts the needle and snuggles in Sirius’ arms, feeling something warm and bright settle inside of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Blank generation - Richard Hell & the Voidoids  
> Break on through (to the other side) - The Doors  
> Soul Kitchen - The Doors  
> The crystal ship - The Doors
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Janie Jones - The Clash  
> Teenage kicks - The Undertones  
> Crazy on you - Heart
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This whole chapter is inspired by one of my favourite songs, Dancing in the Moonlight by Thin Lizzy. Give it a listen if you want to!

Despite Sirius’ assurance, Remus can’t help but feel like he’s let him down in a way for some time after. Those thoughts present themselves mainly when he is alone, and render him in a state of near panic, but when he meets Sirius again and sees his brilliant, genuine smile upon seeing him, they quiet down.

 

That’s not the first thing on his mind, though.

 

Ever since that incident, his feelings towards Sirius have… shifted in some inexplicable way.

 

Remus feels like he’s constantly aware of where Sirius is these days, even when he’s not with him, and when he sees him, there’s not only excitement and joy, but something else, something deeper in his stomach, that makes him ache in a sweet way.

 

He suspects what it might be, but does not want to face it.

 

They’re at the Golden Coast one day, all lying under the sun except, of course, for Remus, who has opted for Peter’s umbrella. Marlene and her friends are pretending to ignore them while shooting disdainful glances at them. Peter is trying to chat with Irene, who has shown up after quite some time.

 

Remus has closed his eyes, enjoying the calming sound of the sea and the light breeze that blows in his face, which carries a hint of Sirius’ aftershave to his nose. He doesn’t remember ever being more blissful than he is now.

 

He hears a rustle on his right, and after a while feels Sirius’ wet hair tingling his shoulder. His heart starts beating faster. “You know what I haven’t done yet?” Sirius murmurs, his lips impossibly close to Remus’ ear.

 

“What?” he whispers, breath hitching.

 

“Taken you on a proper date.” Remus anxiously opens his eyes and glances around to see if anyone’s observed this. Sam is the only person close to them, and he seems engrossed in the book he’s reading.

 

“You should do that, then,” he encourages, opting not to stare at him. The desire to snog him senseless is already too intense without even looking.

 

“Great. I have an idea for tonight.”

 

Just then, a dripping wet James comes running at them, sprinkling them with water. Remus yelps and sits up.

 

“What were you girls talking about?” he inquires, grabbing his towel and wiping his face with it.

 

“Stop pouring water on me, you absolute dick!” Sirius protests. “I was planning to take Remus out on a date tonight,” he adds, voice lower.

 

“Ooh, where at?” James asks, shaking so that more water lands on Sirius. “And be nice to me, or I won’t distract Peter.”

 

“Fine. I was thinking we could go watch that John Travolta movie. There’s a cinema in Tickleborough,” he lets a little snort at the name, “that plays it.”

 

“Ha! I knew you secretly liked Travolta! You could never fool me, Sirius Black!”

 

Remus smiles and opts to not remind James that had Sirius not told him about the two of them, they could continue to fool him for all eternity, probably.

 

***

 

Several hours later, they find themselves at the counter of Tickleborough’s small cinema. Sirius buys a bucket of popcorn while Remus opts for a large bar of milk chocolate. Sirius only briefly smiles at him. They’re trying to be as discreet as possible. They wouldn’t want to get kicked off the cinema. They advance forward and a bored-out-of-his-skull teenager checks their tickets.

 

The room is small and old, with red ratty seats and decoration straight from the fifties. It smells old too, like it is rarely ever ventilated.

 

Remus does not care about any of these things, though. He is on his first date with his boyfriend, Sirius Black. The sentence sounds surreal even in his own head. If anyone told him at the start of this Summer that this is how he would be spending his days not even two months later, he would laugh in their face.

 

Although the film starts in ten minutes, nobody else has shown up.

 

“Ugh, Remus, I’m sorry, this is pathetic. I didn’t know this cinema was built in the paleolithic era.”

 

“Well, what did you expect, idiot? We’re in a provincial town. And besides, I don’t mind one bit. I have chocolate, you, and a room all to ourselves. It’s like a private screening.”

 

“Well, you know what, I haven’t thought of it that way,” Sirius observes, a smile spreading on his face.

 

Remus spends the time before the movie starts opening the chocolate wrap and cutting the bar up in pieces, while Sirius loudly munches on his popcorn. When the lights go out and the door closes, he takes a piece and puts it in Sirius’ mouth, who makes a content noise and licks Remus’ finger a bit in the process. The latter briefly closes his eyes with content and takes his hand back, putting some chocolate on his own mouth. It was kept in a higher-than-appropriate temperature, and it’s melting in his hands.

 

In the opening scene of the film, John and Olivia, a.k.a. Danny and Sandy, are sharing some romantic moments on the beach, not too dissimilar to the ones Sirius and Remus themselves shared. Even the beach itself is strikingly alike the Ivy Bay.

 

They both notice the similarity, and laugh amusedly.

 

Danny and Sandy part ways and the credits roll, accompanied by a groovy song Remus taps his foot to.

 

“So, I guess you could say I’m your John Travolta, huh?” Sirius murmurs in his ear.

 

Remus scoffs. “Why do I have to be the damsel in distress?”

 

“Cause I’m the bad boy that came and turned your innocent world upside down.” Remus laughs and swats him on the head.

 

He thoroughly enjoys all of the songs, though towards the middle the plot becomes a tad uninteresting.

 

By the time Frenchie is having a crisis about dropping out of beauty school, Sirius has started getting bored as well. He suddenly turns behind him, looking up towards the film booth.

 

Remus follows his gaze and sees that no one is in there, a fact that Sirius himself observes.  Sirius takes another piece of chocolate, puts is in his mouth, and then puts his hand on Remus’ neck and pulls him close.

 

They kiss deeply, both licking the chocolate with their tongues until it melts completely, and there is only a lingering sweetness left.

 

“I like this way of eating,” Sirius observes breathily, when they part.

 

“Me too,” Remus admits, feeling his cheeks flame. He takes another, fleeting look at the booth and then continues snogging his boyfriend.

 

They snog throughout the rest of the film, stopping only to witness Sandy’s transformation, her duet with Danny, and the last song of the film that contains a good amount of gibberish Remus is sure will be stuck in his head for days.

 

On their way out of the cinema, the employee gives them a disgusted look as if he’s guessed what they were doing in there, and Remus has to admit it’s quite obvious. Sirius’ hair is in a disheveled state from the way he was carding his fingers through it while kissing him, and Remus himself has chocolate stains on his pants.

 

A wave of shame washes over him.

 

“He’s definitely known what we were doing in there,” he tells Sirius, his head hung low.

 

“So what?” Sirius answers defiantly. “Are you ashamed of being with me?”

 

Remus snaps his head up in surprise. “What? No! I… Sirius, of course not. I could never be ashamed of being with you, I… it’s… it’s just that I’m afraid.”

 

“Afraid of what?”

 

“Of being discovered. Of the world hating me. Of my parents growing cold towards me. Of my community stigmatising me. Aren’t you too?”

 

Sirius is thoughtful for a moment. “I wouldn’t want to hide such an important part of me from the people that I love. As I said about James, I believe that anyone who really loves me won’t stop because of that. As for my parents… they already hate me enough as it is. I don’t give a damn about their opinions.”

 

“But what about society? People like us are considered scum, Sirius. And if people know, they’re going to treat you awfully.”

 

“It’s not me who has a problem, though. Society’s the one that has a flawed point of view. I’m doing nothing wrong.”

 

“I know that, Sirius, It just… It doesn’t matter if you’re right and they’re wrong. They’ll hate you regardless.”

 

“To me it does matter. It means that I should fight their bigotry until their opinion does change. It means that I shouldn’t remain passive.”

 

Sirius’ stance scares Remus a bit. His recklessness makes him fear for his safety. A thousand hideous scenarios cross his mind, leaving him numb.

 

“Oh God, I’m sorry Rem, I didn’t mean to make you upset on our first date,” Sirius apologises softly. “Let’s just leave this discussion.”

 

“Alright,” Remus agrees, still feeling a weight in his heart.

 

_ “You’re the one that I want/ you are the one that I- / ooh ooh ooh, honey,” _ Sirius starts singing to him, facing him and dancing forward as Travolta did. Remus laughs and tries to dance backwards in sync with Sirius, his bad mood lifting.

 

Just then, the last bus to Fenneltown zooms past them. 

 

“Oh, fucking shite!” Sirius swears. “Can we run and catch it?”

 

“Nah, stop’s too far and walking ‘til Fenneltown’s out of the question. I’m afraid we’re stuck here,” Remus sighs.

 

“Well, it’s not the end of the world,” Sirius shrugs. “I would say it is an unexpected prolongation to our date.”

 

“Yeah, I guess we could see it that way.” Remus smiles at his boyfriend.

 

“We just have to find someplace to spend the time, and then we’ll take the first bus home when it passes. It’s around five-thirty, if I recall?”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“Great. Then we have…” Sirius glances at his watch, “almost six hours to kill. Can’t be that hard.”

 

Remus nods in agreement, and they start to walk towards the centre of the town. Tickleborough is by the sea, just like Fenneltown, but it’s bigger and less picturesque. It has things Fenneltown lacks, though, like a cinema and the discotheque that that they’ve visited an eternity ago, it seems to Remus, though he knows it’s really only been a month or so.

 

They pass by  _ La Luna _ after a bit of walking. Its lights are off, it being a Tuesday. Sirius takes a look at it, makes a grimace and looks down.

 

“You don’t have to feel bad, you know. I’m not hurt about it anymore.”

 

“I don’t feel bad for you. I’m ashamed of myself. I was a complete coward. I went after Marlene when the only one I really wanted to kiss was you.”

 

It sends a thrill down Remus’ spine to hear it, even though Sirius has told him before. It still amazes him to think that on this night when he felt such despair for wanting Sirius, Sirius wanted him too.

 

“Still. It’s all in the past now.”

 

Sirius takes Remus’ hand in his and kisses it. Remus tentatively looks around. The street is deserted. 

 

“I’m sorry. I can’t help it,” he apologises when he sees Sirius’ slightly hurt expression.

 

“It’s fine,” Sirius murmurs. 

 

It’s Remus’ turn to take his hand, then, and kiss it tenderly. This gesture has become  common between them. Sometimes it means  _ thank you _ , sometimes - like in this case - it means  _ I’m sorry _ and sometimes they just do it because they feel like it.

 

Sirius smiles at him softly, opening his mouth and then closing it again, as if changing his mind about saying what he was going to. “How ‘bout the beach? It’s a nice place to spend the time.”

 

Remus nods yes. “I know a nice small one we could go to. My parents used to take me there,” he says, and he starts leading the way.

 

As they get closer to the coast, there are more and more people outside. They pass by half-crowded bars that are still open - it is the middle of August, after all. The sea is visible on their right hand after a bit.

 

They cross paths with groups of half-drunk people speaking loudly, solitary people that walk with a purpose, most probably to return home, and couples holding hands, kissing, looking at each other with desire, without fear, in front of everyone.

 

Remus envies them for being able to do what he cannot.

 

They pass the centre of the town and walk by small houses with the blinds shut, a light illuminating the windows of only very few of them. 

 

Finally, when they are almost at the outskirts of the village, they take a path that leads to a small, sandy beach, which is fortunately empty.

 

They sit down as close to the sea as they can without getting wet by the waves, and they take off their shoes and socks.

 

“You know, when I was little, I used to think that when you went to Tickleborough people would tickle you. I was a bit disappointed when I found out this was not the case.”

 

Sirius throws his head back and laughs heartily. “Bloody hell. That’s so adorable. I can just imagine a little Remus pouting because people wouldn’t tickle him.”

 

“I was quite the adorable little kid,” Remus smiles. “I learnt to speak and write at an early age and I used to say clever things all the time. My parents showed me off every chance they got. I was quite the little circus monkey, now that I think of it.”

 

“Your parents are sweet,” Sirius observes.

 

“They are.”

 

“I think there must have been a period when I was shown off by my parents as well, but I don’t remember any of it, because I was a baby,” Sirius frowns. “They had been to conceive an heir for many years, you know. And when that finally happened, I was high society’s greatest attraction. Of course, when I grew a tad, I showed the first signs of being the family disappointment that I am, and they stopped, I suppose. They often tell me how I should be ashamed because they’ve been trying for years and years only for someone like me to come out.”

 

“What?” Remus asks, appalled yet again. “How can a toddler be a family disappointment?”

 

“I never stayed calm, for one. Ever since I learnt how to walk, I would run everywhere and cause a riot. I ruined things accidentally at first, and then on purpose. Plus, I never obeyed my tutors. I was a rude brat and although the money my family paid was good, many of them quit.”

 

“Did you have tutors from such a young age?”

 

“Since I was three.”

 

“Three? What does a three-year-old even need tutors for?”

 

“That was my opinion as well. The only tutoring I enjoyed in my life was French.”

 

“What?” Remus utters. “You speak French?”

 

“Mais naturellement, mon chéri,” Sirius sing-songs in a perfect accent.

 

“Unbelievable! I’ve been your boyfriend for a month now and you didn’t think to mention it?”

 

“It just didn’t come up.”

 

“Jesus Christ. What else can you do? Horseback riding? Fencing?”

 

“Nah, I didn’t have the patience for horseback riding. And James is more of a fencing guy than I am.”

 

“Right. Why do I even speak.” Remus rubs his face in his hands. “What is a prince like you even doing with a mere peasant like me?”

 

“Shut up, idiot,” Sirius laughs and swats him in the arm. Remus retaliates, and pretty soon they’re play-fighting in the sand, giggling like children.

 

After a while, their fight becomes half-hearted. Sirius assumes an expression Remus has come to recognise as his I’m-about-to-kiss-you gaze, and does just that.

 

The sound and smell of the sea relax Remus and make their kissing session sweet and lazy. When they pull back and Remus sees Sirius’ eyes shine at him with soft affection, words he is afraid of even contemplating surge at the tip of his tongue. He swallows them down with difficulty.

 

“The stars look beautiful tonight,” is all he says, turning to lie on his back.

 

“Indeed. It’s been a while since I saw them that clearly. Look!” he points upwards. “This one’s Andromeda, my cousin, over there. And this one’s Cassiopeia, and this one’s Perseus.”

 

“You can read constellations. Of course. Why am I even surprised anymore.”

 

“Most of my family are named after stars and constellations, do you think we wouldn’t know astronomy? We mostly observed them with a telescope, though me and my cousins would also stargaze in our country houses, when we were little.” He smiles fondly at some pleasant memory.

 

“How nice.” Remus feels the now familiar wave of affection flood him again.

 

“I’ve always loved watching the stars with them, and especially with my brother. I taught Reg all he knows about them.” He pauses. “I would always prepare these little interesting facts about constellations and then point the telescope at them and let Reg observe while I read them to him.” He pauses again. “He used to love that. It used to be our thing.”

 

Remus hears the sadness in Sirius’ voice and moves closer, stroking his hair with his hand. “I’m sure your brother loves you,” he soothes his boyfriend. A tear trails down Sirius’ cheek.

 

“Well, if he does, he’s not showing it anymore. Before, it used to be us against them. He swore that he wouldn’t let them get to him. But he did. He let them.” More tears escape his eyes.

 

“Oh, love, that doesn’t mean he’s stopped caring about you. Right now, he likes the attention they bestow upon him. He might even fear their rejection. But you are his brother, and that’s stronger than all of those things.”

 

“I really  _ really  _ hope you’re right, Remus. Because he might be an arse-kissing idiot, but I love him.”

 

“I am right,” Remus says softly, while sending a silent prayer to the stars that he is.

 

“Thanks, baby, you’re amazing.” Sirius smiles tearfully and kisses his cheek.

 

It is the first time Sirius has called him that. Even though he did not particularly like that endearment when he heard it used by others, he finds that he loves it when it comes from Sirius.

 

“Tell me more about the stars,” he pleads and Sirius is happy to oblige.

 

He tells Remus about the galaxies, the planets, the ones that are visible now, the ones that will dawn later - one of them is his namesake - and his talk is so calming, so soothing, that Remus feels his eyelids grow heavy and eventually close.

 

***

 

“Remus, baby, wake up.”

 

“Mmmph...”

 

“Come on, we have to catch the bus.”

 

“Time‘s it?”

 

“Quarter past five, come on, get up.”

 

Remus slowly blinks awake to Sirius above him, petting his hair. His vision is still blurry and a yawn escapes his mouth. He lifts his torso up. The sky is a lavender purple that foretells the dawning of the sun.

 

“Did you sleep at all?” Remus inquires, stretching his limbs. He finds that Sirius covered him with his leather jacket while he was sleeping.

 

“No.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I was thinking. Thinking usually keeps me up.”

 

“What about?”

 

“Nothing of importance,” Sirius shrugs, though Remus suspects he’s lying. However, he is too tired to press the issue.

 

“Let’s go, then.” Sirius helps him get up. He gives Sirius his jacket back with a thanks and    they walk slowly towards the direction they came from. 

 

Most of the town is still asleep, though there is the odd passerby and some sounds of roosters cackling in the distance.

 

They wait at the stop in comfortable silence for almost ten minutes. Remus lets the morning breeze caress his face and watches the sky turn brighter and brighter. 

 

They sit together in the bus and Remus puts his head on Sirius’ shoulder, not caring about the sour look a lady close to them shoots them.

 

From the Fenneltown square, it’s another five-minute walk before they arrive at the Mansion. They ascend the stairs and Remus starts heading for his own room, when Sirius calls his name.

 

“Remus… do you want to sleep in my room?” 

 

Remus hesitates briefly before nodding his head yes. He comes to Sirius’ room and they strip down to their boxers. They lie down on the bed and Remus puts his arms around Sirius’ waist and hugs him from behind. He falls asleep almost immediately, Sirius’ smell enveloping him like a blanket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> You're the one that I want - John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Dancing in the moonlight - Thin Lizzy  
> Grease - Frankie Valli
> 
> Three more days and my exams are over! My own Summer is finally about to start!!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	13. Chapter 13

Remus has a rather unpleasant awakening the next day, caused by Sirius’ hair in his mouth. Also, he needs to piss. Also, certain things, like every morning, are… elevated.

 

Sirius is still asleep on his back, breathing through his mouth, a little bit of saliva trickling down. Remus thinks he looks adorable. He wishes he had a camera to capture it.

 

He tries to get up and go to the bathroom without waking his boyfriend, and with some manoeuvres a contortionist would envy, he succeeds.

 

Just as he’s stepped in the corridor, he runs into a wide-eyed Peter.

 

“Remus?”

 

“Good morning, Peter.” He swallows uncomfortably.

 

“Isn’t that Sirius’ room?”

 

“Uhmm… yes. Yes it is. We stayed up talking and I was too bored to go to mine, so I slept there. On the floor, of course.”

 

“You were too bored… to go across the hall?”

 

“Well, yes. You know how lazy I am.”

 

“Lazy. Right. Of-” he abruptly stops speaking. “Wait a minute. You two weren’t here last night! Where were you?”

 

“At the beach! Sirius wanted to talk to me about… About Marlene! Turns out he’s not over her. He wants to get her back.”

 

“Oh! He’s finally come to his senses!”

 

“Yes! Thank God! He’s crazy about her! He talked and talked and talked all night! I tried to tell him I wanted to sleep but he couldn’t stop! Even when I convinced him to go home he dragged me to his room to talk about her some more! I fell asleep and he was still talking, I think!”

 

“Can’t say I blame him. A girl like Marlene is unforgettable.”

 

“She sure is!”  _ He seriously believed what I just told him? Incredible. _

 

The door behind Remus opens and Sirius steps out, putting an arm around him. “Good morning b-PETER! Good morning Peter! And Remus!”

 

“Hey, loverboy! Glad to hear you’re on the right path!”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Peter is talking about how you decided you want Marlene back.”

 

“I decided  _ what _ ?”

 

“He’s fresh from his sleep and he’s lost it a bit,” he tells Peter and then turns to Sirius. “Remember how yesterday night we went to the beach and you kept talking and talking about how much you want Marlene? And  _ that’s _ why we came home at six in the morning? And  _ also _ why I slept in your room?”

 

“Oh. Right. Yes,” Sirius mercifully agrees, seeming to finally understand. “Yes. Marlene. I am very into her.” Remus lets out a sigh of relief.

 

“Worry not, mate! She’ll take you back in no time!” Peter assures cordially. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat.” He gives a military salute to them and descends the stairs.

 

“So,” Sirius starts.

 

“Yes.”

 

“We came out of my room.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Half naked.”

 

“Yes.” 

 

“After missing the entire night.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And still he didn’t-”

 

“Yes.”

 

_ “Wow.” _

 

***

  
  


After eating breakfast in the Mansion, Remus heads for his house to see his mother, and then decides to go to the bookshop to see Alex, his dad, and the cats.

 

When he arrives at his favourite place in all of Fenneltown, he contemplates how little time he’s spent in it this Summer. He would be spending almost every day here, just like he did every other year, if it weren’t for the long-haired boy that took his summer by storm.

 

He enters the shop. His father is going around the bookshelves, notepad and pen in hand, taking stock of the books. Alex sits on the desk, listening to music on a cassette player with the help of some huge black headphones.  His feet are propped up on the desk and his eyes are closed. Venus sits right next to Alex’s feet in a sphinx-like pose, her eyes closed.

 

“Hello, Remus,” his father greets him. “In a good mood today, I see.”

 

“Hey, dad. Indeed, I am.”

 

“Want to write down the list of books we’re ordering? Your handwriting’s much better than mine. You took that one from your mother.”

 

Remus nods yes and his father rips two pieces of paper from his notepad, filled with his chicken-scratch. Thankfully, Remus has learnt to read his father’s almost indecipherable writing rather well.

 

He takes a stool and sits next to the desk. He taps on Alex’s legs to get him to move them, and he opens his eyes and jumps in the air, frightened.

 

“Oh! Remus! Hello! Didn’t see you there,” he croaks, taking his headphones off.

 

“It’s fine. Hello, Alex,” Remus greets amusedly, used to Alex’s unawareness of everything around him.

 

“I was listening to that new  _ The Who _ album. Very good one.”

 

“I’ll give it a listen, then.” Alex gives a thumbs up and puts his earphones on again. Remus nods and busies himself with writing the list. One good thing about his friendship with Alex is that they don’t feel the need to chit-chat. Their silence is always comfortable.

 

After a while, he does the job automatically and his mind wanders. Unsurprisingly, it wanders in the direction of a certain grey-eyed, long haired boy. 

 

He replays their date last night, sighing with tenderness, not even seeing the paper in front of him anymore.

 

Last night felt like a sweet, beautiful dream. The movie, the chocolate kisses in the cinema, the beach, the stars, the lilac sky before the dawn, their sleeping together wrapped around each other. Even though it was the first time they did it, somehow it felt natural, effortless, like they’ve been doing it for a long time now. Remus lets out an enamoured sigh loud enough to snap himself out of his reverie. He quickly looks around to find his father staring at him with a frown creasing his brow.

 

He focuses his eyes back on the paper, feeling embarrassed. He finishes the rest of the work rapidly, scratching Venus’ ears when he’s done.

 

“What are you doing this evening, Remus?” his father asks him after a while.

 

“Well, me and the lads were talking about going to the beach and playing some board games after. We’ve been playing cards so much we’re sick of it.”

 

“Alright,” his father answers, not seeming very happy about it.

 

“Is something the matter, dad?” Remus asks, puzzled.

 

“Well, to tell you the truth, Remus, I’m a little bit worried about you.”

 

“What on earth for? Do you think James and Sirius are a bad influence on me?” he asks, slightly offended.

 

“No, Remus, of course not! They’re excellent kids!”

 

“Is it that I don’t spend that much time with you anymore? I thought you wanted me to get out more and make friends!”

 

“No, Remus, it’s not that either!”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

“It’s just- that you’re getting too attached, Remus! You’ve bonded with them very quickly, and in less than two weeks they’ll be gone! I’m worried about how you’ll cope once that happens!”

 

Remus remains frozen in his seat.

 

An icy feeling starts spreading from his head to his toes.

 

Less than two weeks.

 

_ Less than two weeks. _

 

He knew Sirius was going to have to leave eventually, but he didn’t want to deal with that knowledge and so he had taken it and shoved it into a little box, and locked that box and stored it at the very back of his mind.

 

His father’s words have broken the lock, though, and the ugly truth has come out and spread its terrifying presence.

 

He hadn’t realised there was so, so incredibly _little_ time left.

 

_ Today is August the 17th. I have twelve days left with him. And after those twelve days… I probably will never see him again. _

 

“Remus? Remus, are you alright?” he hears his father say as if from a distance, although he’s right in front of him.

 

His vision is blurring more and more, until all shapes are indistinguishable in his eyes.

 

_ Tears. I’m crying,  _ he realises numbly.

 

“Remus? What’s wrong?” another voice asks.

 

_ Alex. I must be a right mess if Alex can notice. _

 

This thought makes him let out a small laugh that sounds more like a sob.

 

“Remus, I didn’t mean to be so blunt, forgive me. Remus?” his father’s voice is increasing in worry and Remus wants to reassure him in some way, but the mantra of  _ I’ll never see him again  _ that repeats itself in his head doesn’t let him.

 

“I just… I need to…” he gets up and exits the shop mechanically, and starts walking.

 

His walk is without a clear destination, though his feet automatically take him sea-ward. He is taking the path to the Ivy Bay but thinks better of it. It is a place full of memories related to Sirius.

 

In the end, he heads to the shore immediately on his right. It is rocky, but with careful footing, one can walk it without a problem.

 

He finds a lean enough rock and sits on it, facing the sea. He lets his sobs escape freely, seeing, hearing and feeling nothing but pure grief for an amount of time he cannot determine.

 

When the stream of tears diminishes, his eyes hurt, his nose is snotty and his head is pounding.

 

He wipes his eyes and focuses on the soothing sound of the sea for some time, trying to calm down. 

 

Now that the first, violent shock of his revelation is over, he feels as if someone’s pulled a plug somewhere inside him and emptied him, leaving him a hollow shell.

 

He tries to compose his thoughts and reflect on the situation as clearly as he can.

 

Sirius lives in London and he lives in Cornwall. What’s more, Sirius attends a boarding school.

 

It is obvious that their relationship cannot continue at a distance so great. Even if Remus had the money to go visit him occasionally, which he doesn’t, that could only be on the holidays.

 

Such a relationship would cause them nothing but pain, as would staying in any kind of contact. It would not be enough.

 

What use was keeping in touch, when nothing could come out of it?

 

It would be best to try to forget about each other. They are only sixteen. This is but a summer adventure.

 

The new sob that escapes Remus’ throat is his mind’s involuntary protest to these thoughts.

 

_ It’s not just a summer adventure for me. What I feel about him is much stronger than that. _

 

Leave it to Remus Lupin to fall in love with someone he can never truly have.

 

Because that’s what this is. There is no point in denying it to himself at this point.

 

He is in love with Sirius Black. 

 

Somehow this impossible boy invaded his life like a tornado, tore all his defences down without him realising, touched his heart in ways no one else ever had, and made him fall head-over-heels in love in the span of two months only.

 

Remus realised when it was too late, and even if he had before, he still would be powerless to stop it.

 

He briefly contemplates trying to distance himself from Sirius, but he knows there is no point in trying to. He could never do it. The damage is already done.

 

All he can do is savour every moment left with him, every moment when he can still call him his.

 

***

 

Remus stares at the sea, contemplating, dreading and reminiscing. An undetermined amount of time later, he hears a familiar voice say “Oh, thank God!” and turns around to see none other than Sirius approaching him, his pace fast.

 

He is wearing nothing but his emerald green swimsuit, the one he was wearing when Remus first set eyes on him, completely oblivious to what this boy would come to mean to him. His hair is up in a bun from which some strands have escaped. His cross earring is, as always, there.

 

_ He is truly so beautiful, _ Remus reflects melancholically.

 

He moves through the rocks faster than appropriate in his haste to reach Remus, almost losing his balance once or twice because he is wearing flip flops. When he finally sits down next to Remus, he takes his face in his hands and gives him a brief but violent closed-mouthed kiss.

 

“Idiot! You had me worried sick!”

 

“Why were you worried sick?” Remus asks.

 

“We went to the bookshop to pick you up and your father told us you got upset by something and went off to an unknown direction! We tried your house but you weren’t there. Then I thought you might have gone to the Ivy Bay and I was just on my way there when I saw you.”

 

“James and Peter?”

 

“I convinced them it would be better if I approached you alone.”

 

“I see.”

 

“What is it Remus? What upset you so much? Did something happen?” Sirius’ grey eyes are full of worry.

 

“No, nothing happened, Sirius.”

 

“What is it then?”

 

“I’ve quite abruptly realised we have but two weeks left together.”

 

Sirius’ face assumes a pained expression. “That’s true,” is all he says.

 

“How do you feel about that?” 

 

“How do you think I feel, Rem?” Sirius laughs bitterly. “I am in such anguish that I can barely sleep at night. The only time I did get some peaceful sleep was today, when you slept with me. Isn’t that ironic?” he turns his head to the sea, his gaze stormy.

 

“So… what are we going to do?” Sirius asks after a brief pause.

 

“Is there anything to do?”

 

“We could… we could keep in touch. I could visit again next summer.”

 

“Do you think keeping in touch would be enough for us?”

 

Sirius bites his lip. “I don’t think so. But it’s better than nothing, right?”

 

“Are you really sure about that?”

 

“What do you mean?” Sirius furrows his brow.

 

“Maybe keeping in contact would do us more bad than good. You said yourself that it won’t be enough.” He takes a shaky breath. “I don’t think I could ever be content with only that, Sirius. Writing to you without having you close to me, without being your boyfriend… Because admit it, we couldn’t possibly maintain a relationship without seeing each other. We’d only be mocking and hurting ourselves.”

 

“So, what do you suggest?”  Sirius turns to him angrily. “That we should just forget about all of this? Never see each other again?”

 

“I think we have no other choice.” Remus fights back a new stream of tears.

 

“Well, if that’s what you want, who am I to say no?” Sirius responds icily.

 

“What do you mean if that’s what I  _ want _ ?” Remus asks, shocked.

 

“I thought what we have meant something to you. But I see now that I thought wrong.”

 

“What are you talking about, Sirius?” 

 

“I’m merely stating the truth. That I was just something for you to pass the time. That you’re maybe even glad I’m leaving. I think we have nothing more to say. Goodbye.” Sirius concludes and gets up, making to leave.

 

This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Remus feels the anger surge through him, like a red, flooding river.

 

“How  _ dare you _ , Sirius,” his voice is practically a growl. Sirius turns around, his face shocked. “How  _ dare _ you throw these awful accusations to my face? If you really knew me even a  _ little, _ ” Sirius’ face is at this point, plain frightened, “you would know there is not one ounce of truth in them.”

 

“I only thought-”

 

“I don’t give a fuck what you thought,” he cuts him off. “ _Fuck you_ Sirius. Right now I really wish you _were_ something for me to pass the time. Do you know why? Because you are a selfish, immature brat who does not care about hurting people. I am sitting here on these rocks crying more than I have in my entire _life,_ crying over _you_ , only for you to come and tell me that I don’t _care enough_?”

 

He takes a last, heaving breath. “Well, if that’s how you treat the people you supposedly care about, maybe it’s a good thing that you are going to leave my life for good.”

 

He turns around and leaves, leaving Sirius dumbfounded. His pace is quick, and his anger hasn’t subsided one bit. He is back at the village in record time, and storms through the narrow streets, heading for his house. Close to the bookshop, he runs into James and Peter in their beach apparel.

 

James foolishly takes a step forward. “Oh hello, Remus, where wer-”

 

“ _ Move, _ ” Remus growls and walks past him, just in time to see Jame’s and Peter’s identical looks of astonishment.

 

He mercifully arrives at his house shortly after. His parents are in the living room, lifting their faces when he opens the door.

 

His father opens his mouth to speak.

 

“ _ Don’t, _ ” he warns him and enters his room, slamming the door with force. Its loud bang satisfies him.

 

He sits on the bed, seething with rage. Right now, he wishes Sirius had never set foot in his village. It would hurt to hear such accusations from anyone, but to hear them from the very person he thought knew his heart better than anyone else? To hear them from the person he is in  _ love _ with?

 

He regrets that fact very much at the moment, but that doesn’t make it any less true.

 

_ Unfortunately not,  _ he laments. He has an urge to start throwing things just for the satisfaction of seeing them break, but the last bit of sanity he has left restrains him from doing so. He satisfies himself with plucking feathers that stick out from his pillow and throwing them in the air.

 

Fortunately, after some time, the repetitive motion calms him down. He all at once feels drained. Drained from crying, drained from yelling, drained by sadness, anger and disappointment. He wants nothing more than to sleep and forget about it all.

 

He lies down on his bed and is out like a light.

 

***

 

He wakes up feeling the pleasant heaviness one feels after a good sleep. He rubs his eyes and stretches his limbs. His sadness is still there, like a pang in the chest he cannot get rid of, but his anger is gone.

 

He heads to the kitchen to make some tea. His father is of course there, cutting some chicken for dinner.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” is all he asks, not even turning his head.

 

“I’d actually rather not, dad,” Remus sighs.

 

“As you wish.” He then continues cutting the chicken while Remus makes his tea.

 

“Really, lad? Tea in the middle of the Summer?” he sends a small smile Remus’ way, who just shrugs and smiles back. This is why he loves his dad.

 

He’s barely made his tea when his peace and quiet is shattered by the doorbell ringing.

 

He is fairly certain he knows who is at the door.

 

Sure enough, it is Sirius, who has changed into jeans, his Docs and a plain black t-shirt, with his hair back. Remus knows this is what he considers his “fancy clothes”.

 

He is also holding a bouquet of yellow daisies on his right hand.

 

“Hello,” he says in a small voice.

 

“Hello,” Remus answers coolly. 

 

“These are for you,” he extends his hand shyly and Remus takes the bouquet. The daisies are cut evenly and tied with a string.

 

Just then, Lyall emerges from the kitchen. “Oh. Hello there, Sirius.”

 

Sirius jumps in surprise at his entrance, not expecting him to be here.

 

“Hello, Mr. Lupin.”

 

“Hi dad. Sirius, um, brought us some flowers.”

 

“I can see that,” his father answers.

 

“Uh, yes, I thought Mrs. Lupin might like them, you see. She’s mentioned how daisies are her favourite.”

 

“Indeed they are. Hers and my son’s too,” his dad smiles sweetly. 

 

“Oh, yes, Remus’ too, right.” Sirius smiles a small, panicked smile.

 

“It seems I am the only rose man in this house,” he shakes his head. “Anyway, thank you for the flowers, Sirius, Hope will love them. I’ll be in my kitchen if you need me, boys!” and with that, he goes back the way he came.

 

“Remus, can we talk?” Sirius asks, his face full of regret.

 

“If you wish so.”

 

“In your room?” he briefly glances towards the kitchen.

 

“If you deem it necessary.”

 

Sirius flinches at the cold tone, but heads to Remus’ room without saying a word. Remus follows him and closes the door after they both enter.

 

“Well?” Remus crosses his arms and goes to sit on his bed. Sirius is still standing close to the door.

 

“Let me start by saying that I did not come here to excuse myself.”

 

“Oh?” Remus raises an eyebrow.

 

“No, I did not, because the things I said to you were inexcusable. I was unjust and selfish.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“And you did not deserve to hear that bullshit from me, because you’ve never done anything wrong. You’ve been perfect to me in every way. I am so incredibly lucky to have met you.”

 

Remus feels the ice in his heart melt at these words, but he does not want to concede just yet.

 

“Right.”

 

“As I said, I have not come here to excuse myself. I am a complete and utter arsehole. I acted this way because I did not want to accept that the situation is out of our control. I did not want to accept that there was nothing I could do in order to not lose you. The thought seemed so unbearable to me, that I lashed out in an awful manner, and I blamed you though you did nothing but tell me a truth I did not want to hear.”

 

“I get what you’re saying Sirius, but-”

 

“Again, this isn’t an excuse. I just wanted to offer you an explanation. And you have every right to stay angry at me, but I would hate for us to part on bad terms.” He pauses, looks at the ground. “You really do mean a lot to me, Remus.”

 

Any last resolve Remus had crumbles. “You’re lucky that you’re so handsome,” he says, smiling.

 

“Does this mean you forgive me?” Sirius asks hopefully.

 

“How could I not, idiot? Come here.” Sirius practically runs to the bed and throws himself on Remus.

 

“Oh thank God,” he says while peppering Remus’ face with kisses. “I was afraid I’d fucked up for good this time.”

 

“Get off me, you giant dog!” Remus laughs and half heartedly pushes Sirius away. Sirius gives him one last bruising kiss on the mouth and lays his head on Remus’ lap, further confirming this characterisation.

 

“But seriously, though, I thought you’d never forgive me. I’d never seen you like this.”

 

“Like this, how?”

 

“You should have seen yourself, Remus. Your face was so furious and your voice so feral… I was literally scared for my life.”

 

“Well, I rarely do get angry, but when I do, I get  _ really _ angry.”

 

“Believe me, I saw that.” Sirius closes his eyes, sighing contentedly when Remus starts stroking his hair. “Do you really forgive me? Are we good?”

 

“Yes, Sirius, we are, but never say such things to me again. Next time I won’t forgive you.”

 

“I promise.”

 

They stay like this for some time, happy and calm in each other’s presence, both relieved by their reconciliation and forgetting, for a while, their impending separation.

 

“Could we go to the Mansion now?” Remus suggests.

 

“Why? Aren’t you content here?”

 

“I am, but I think I owe poor James an apology.”

 

“Why? What did you do?”

 

“I might have yelled at him to move out of my way.”

 

Sirius breaks into laughter. “I would have paid good money to see that.”

 

“You should’ve seen his and Peter’s face.” Remus himself dissolves into laughter.

 

***

 

Indeed, they go to the Mansion (not immediately, though - they snog for a significant amount of time before they finally get up).

 

James and Peter accept Remus’ apology, albeit warily. After a round or two of Monopoly, though (at which, surprisingly, Peter beats everyone), they have forgotten all about it.

 

Remus sneaks into Sirius’ bedroom and they sleep together again tonight.

 

Only, this time, they cling to each other, conscious that every second that passes is a second closer to a time when they’ll be separated for good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:  
> How deep is your love - Bee Gees  
> Love is thicker than water - Andy Gibb
> 
> Thank you for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	14. Chapter 14

Their sleeping together becomes a habit from then on. Remus does not know if he regrets that they didn’t do it earlier or if he’s actually relieved. Sirius has become a part of almost every aspect of his life, filling the nooks and crannies he didn’t know existed like liquid. 

 

When he leaves, though, he’ll be all too aware of the holes in his life that will become empty again. And that newfound awareness of them, the memory of how they felt when they were filled, he feels like he might not bear it.

 

Almost a week passes without any particular incident. They swim at the beach, they spend the evenings with James and Peter, they try to be alone as much as they possibly can, they feel the invisible clock’s hands advance closer and closer to the moment of their departure.

 

Sirius does not lash out again, but is more sullen more often. He never takes it out on Remus again, though.

 

By some unspoken agreement, they do not mention the impending departure again. There is nothing else that would occur if they did, except for sadness and frustration. Why should they?

 

That lasts until the 22nd of August.

 

“One week.”

 

“What?”

 

“One week until I go.”

 

Remus and Sirius are seated on a towel at the Ivy Bay beach, right after they’ve swum. They prefer it to the Golden Coast these days, due to the privacy it offers them. It is around noon, but the sun does not bother them, because the sky is cloudy.

 

“I know, Sirius.”

 

“Maybe we could...go on one last trip. Give one last hurrah.” he smiles sadly at Remus, wiping a drop of water from his cheek.

 

“Alright. What kind of excursion?”

 

“Probably at some nearby village with the bus. Damn. I wish I had a motorcycle. That way we could go further.”

 

“Sirius, for the last time, just because your uncle taught you to drive his, it does not mean you’re qualified to make a safe journey.”

 

“I’ll have you know I am an excellent driver! Old Alphard said so himself. And he trusts me with his cycle.”

 

“Yes, yes, whatever you say, Sirius.”

 

“This whole discussion is futile, anyway. We don’t have a motorcycle. We’ll just take the sweaty ol’ bus.”

 

“Well, Alex does have one, now that I recall.”

 

“What? Alex?”

 

“Yes. It was his brother’s. He’s two years older than Alex and somewhere in Manchester studying physics, and he left it behind.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes. Alex talks about how he wants to learn to ride it every once in a while, but you know how he is. He never gets to it.”

 

“Do you think we could convince him to lend it to us?”

 

“What? Sirius, no! Absolutely not! We’re going to crash somewhere and die!”

 

“Don’t be an idiot! As I said, I am a responsible driver! Come on, Remus! It will be fun! Nothing will happen to anyone! Do you think we could convince him?”

 

“Yes, of course we could, he’s Alex. But Sirius…”

 

“Just trust me, alright?” he leans in and gives Remus a soft, lingering kiss on the mouth.

 

“Now that’s just playing dirty.”

 

***

In the end, Remus concedes, of course. Wasting no time, they visit the bookshop this very afternoon.

 

They play with the cats while Alex reads a book, waiting for Lyall to go on his scheduled coffee break.

 

Once he’s out of sight, they quit the innocent positions they’ve assumed and corner Alex, who lifts his head from his book perplexedly.

 

“Is something the matter, guys?” he asks, his voice croaking.

 

“No, nothing at all.” Remus assures him. “Only, we were wondering if you still have Oliver’s motorcycle.”

 

“Yes, I still do. Why?”

 

“Well, Sirius here drives and we wanted to go on a little trip tomorrow, if possible.”

 

“Oh. Alright.” Alex shrugs.

 

“So you’ll give it to us?” Sirius asks excitedly.

 

“Sure. Come by my house tomorrow morning and I’ll give it to you.” Despite himself, Remus feels a thrill of excitement at the prospect.

 

“Thanks, Alex you’re a doll.” Sirius says and gives Alex a big wet smack on the cheek.

 

“It’s nothing.” he smiles absent-mindedly and turns his attention back to his book, wiping his cheek.

 

***

Indeed, on the next day, they pay a visit to Alex’s house, which is quite close to the Fenneltown harbour. Unfortunately, they come across Mike, who is walking, coffee in hand, sunglasses on, towards the beach.

 

“Hiya boys.” he greets in his ever-ironic tone.

 

“Hey” is the only thing Remus says. Sirius does not speak to him. Remus has informed him about Mike’s condescension towards him, and he wasn’t too happy to hear it.

 

An unpleasant thought crosses Remus’ head. From a week on he’ll be seeing a lot of Mike’s face and none of Sirius’.

 

The drop in his mood is instant and Sirius soon observes it. He gives him an inquiring look.

 

“It’s nothing.” Remus answers and Sirius shrugs, ringing Alex’s doorbell. After a bit, he opens the door.

 

“Hello, guys. It’s in the garage.” is all he says before he leads them to it.

 

A minute or two later, they’re staring at a medium-sized black motorcycle with a helmet on the seat. The tell-tale marks of use, from scratches to small cracks on the light are there. Something tells Remus this is going to make Sirius love it even more.

 

“She’s beautiful, Alex. Does she have any gas?”

 

Of course Sirius is one of those people that call motorcycles a “she.” Remus rolls his eyes affectionately.

 

“Yes, I think so. My father takes it for a ride every once in a while. But you’d better stop by a gas station if you want to go far.”

 

“Alright. Can I try it?” he asks with the joy of a kid asking to open his Christmas present.

 

“Of course. Take it with you if you want.”

 

Sirius puts the helmet on his head, climbs on the motorcycle in one, swift move, kicks up the stand and turns the key. The engine roars to life.

 

“Remus? Will you get on?”

 

“I’d rather not be seen on it by any villager, to be honest. Plus, I want to find a helmet first.”

 

“You’re right, babe. Alex, do you have any spare helmets?”

 

“I think so. I’ll go look now.” he answers, not even observing the endearment Sirius used for Remus.

 

“Alright then. See you at the Mansion, Remus. Alex, thanks again, mate!”

 

“Try not to die!” Remus advises anxiously.

 

“Don’t worry.” Sirius blows him a kiss and in the next moment is gone, leaving behind him a puff of smoke.

 

Remus expects to hear a crashing noise the very next moment, but the sound of the engine gets further and further, until it disappears from his hearing.

 

He comes with Alex in his house to search for a helmet with him. His parents are somewhere abroad, like every year. Somewhere in northern Italy, if Remus is not mistaken. Alex’s father is one of the best lawyers in the area, and his family certainly does not lack money.

 

Their house is small and simple enough, though. Only a few more expensive-looking decorative pieces indicate that they are richer than most Fenneltown families. Remus has been in this house quite a few times. His and Alex’s parents have the best of relationships.

 

“Why didn’t you go to Italy with your parents?” Remus asks to break the silence as they start climbing the stairs to the second floor, where the bedrooms are.

 

“I just wanted to spend one last Summer here before I go.”

 

Alex will move to London in mid-September to study law, like his father, and one day inherit his place. Underneath his all-around distractedness and his poetic nature, Alex has a brilliant, mathematical mind. Remus has no doubt that he will ace his studies.

 

Remus can see himself and Alex, in ten years’ time, still in Fenneltown. Remus has always imagined himself a teacher at the local school, opening the bookshop on the weekends.

 

Ever since he was little, he wanted to become a teacher, and he always imagined himself standing in front of a classroom and educating Fenneltown youths. The principal has even told him that there’ll be a place for him as soon as he gets his degree.

 

His future is laid out in front of him. He had always felt fortunate about that. He would never have to face the crippling uncertainty people his age feel when wondering what’s to come.

 

For the first time, though, this fact brings him unease.

 

He shakes his head lightly, clearing it of these thoughts, as they enter Oliver’s old room.

 

The walls are painted a light blue and all of the furniture are almost naked. Half-stuck posters of psychedelic rock bands still adorn the walls.

 

Alex bends down in front of the bookcase and opens a cupboard. Inside it, there are stacks of Oliver’s school books and on the far left corner, a white helmet.

 

“Here. This one was his spare.”

 

Remus thanks Alex. They exit the house and he says his goodbyes. He starts walking towards the mansion with fear in every step, worrying about his idiot of a boyfriend.

 

Fortunately, the motorcycle is safely parked in the yard. He lets out a sigh of relief.

 

Inside, James and Sirius are sitting on the living room couch, trading a bag of crisps back and forth.

 

“Hiya, Rem.”

 

“Hey, babe.” they greet him with full mouths and turn their attention back to the aforementioned bag.

 

“Found a helmet.” he lifts it and shows it to Sirius.”

 

“Cool. Go put it in our room.”

 

“Since when did it become  _ your  _ room?” James asks.

 

“Since we started sleeping there together.” Sirius answers nonchalantly.

 

“You two are like a married couple. You disgust me.” James takes another crisp and puts it in his mouth.

 

“Your spitting crumbs on my face every time you talk disgusts me.’ Sirius retorts.

 

“I beg your pardon, princess.”

 

“Shut up, arsehole.”

 

Remus leaves a fond sigh and goes to leave the helmet in  _ their _ room.

 

“Peter is going to want you to take him on a ride for sure, you know.” James is telling Sirius when he comes down again. The bag is now laying crumbled on the floor.

 

“Well, let him want.” Remus says, annoyed. Peter is getting on his nerves more and more with every passing day, with his ideas about what Sirius should want and do and with his looking at James like the sun shines out of his arse.

 

“Well, come on now, Rem, don’t be so cruel.” James, who is Peter’s defender most of the time, pleads.

 

“Don’t listen to that idiot, Remus, I love it when you get bitchy.” 

 

“Ugh, for the love of God, stop, I will puke.”

 

“Oh, really? Watch this, then.” Sirius launches himself at Remus and starts kissing him with tongue. He tastes like salt and vinegar. It’s a flavour Remus likes.

 

“Oh! My eyes! My poor eyes! I’ll be blind forever!” James yells in agony, but Remus is already too distracted to care.

 

***

That night, they plan tomorrow’s excursion, a map laid out in front of them.

 

“We could go west.” Sirius suggests, a glint in his eye. “We’ve been on the towns east of Fenneltown anyway.”

 

“I’ve never taken that route.” Remus muses, fascinated by the prospect.

 

“Then it’s settled. We could pack a meal and make it a daily excursion.”

 

“Sure. As long as we’re back before it gets dark.” 

 

They make a small list of provisions, find out where the nearest gas station outside Fenneltown is, and fall asleep in each other’s arms.

 

***

They wake up at around ten o'clock. James and Peter are, of course, asleep. After Remus puts everything they need in a backpack, they put on the helmets, mount the motorcycle, and Sirius turns the engine on. Remus lets out a nervous yelp.

 

“Alright, Rem?”

 

“Yeah, fine.”

 

“Hold tight!” He does as instructed and puts his arms around Sirius’ waist. The motorcycle revs and starts moving. Remus lets out another yelp, not used to the sensation.

 

They have to cross all of Fenneltown before they are out on the open road. Thankfully, it seems like Sirius indeed is a good rider. The motorcycle runs smoothly through the narrow streets.

 

They take care not to pass by the bookshop or any place where his parents could be at this time, and soon, they are out of Fenneltown.

 

Sirius speeds up even more when they are out in the open, and Remus feels a strange sense of exhilaration he’s never experienced before course through him.

 

Ten minutes later, they find the gas station and fill the tank.

 

As they speed up once again, Remus sees the crystal blue sea on his left,  and a mass of green trees on his right. He smells the scent of Sirius, mixed with the clear wind that caresses his face.

 

This is one of the rare moments in life when everything is perfect in every sense. One of these moments of such pure, untainted joy and happiness, that feel like a small, fleeting taste of what Paradise must feel like.

 

Remus breaks into joyous laughter.

 

The landscape stays the same for a while, with the exception of the appearance of some solitary houses and at some other point, a small fortress.

 

Some time later, Remus observes a path that he thinks leads to a beach.

 

Sirius must have seen it too, because he slows down, takes a left and follows the sandy path.

 

Two tall, naked bushes form a natural arch at the end of it. Sirius stops the motorcycle there and parks it. The boys descend and take off their helmets.

 

“Well?” Sirius asks in anticipation.

 

“Not too bad. I’ll admit you’re a decent driver.”

 

“Decent? Excuse me? I am the best there is!”

 

“Alright, you’re the best there is. Let’s go now.” Sirius scoffs but leads the way.

 

In front of them, there is a small beach surrounded by cliffs, not too dissimilar to the Ivy Bay. The only difference is that the sand is whiter and thinner.

 

Remus supposes it must be used by the people living in the houses he saw before. Right now, though, no one’s here.

 

They could only fit but one towel inside Remus’ backpack, and they spread it on the sand. They already have their swimsuits on, and they took care to apply sun cream before they left, but Sirius spreads some more on Remus’ skin, just for good measure.

 

After that, they’re free to explore. they tread carefully to get in the sea, because the bottom of it is rocky at points.

 

This Summer, Remus has spent more time at beaches than he has all the rest of his life. He considered this pastime monotonous and fastidious in the past, but now he cannot for the life of him imagine why, as he and Sirius explore the icy blue waters.

 

“Remus! Look! A cave!” Sirius yells and points with the excitement of a little kid.

 

Indeed, close to the shore, to the right, there is a hollow entrance of what appears to be a sea cave.

 

“Let’s go explore!” they swim towards it, and Remus prays it’s not the home of any hostile sea creature. Sirius enters first and he follows.

 

The sea cave is thankfully not occupied. It is the size of a small room. Its floor is nothing but sand, and the sea-level reaches up to their chests where they stand, but recedes further, creating a sort of miniature  beach, against which small waves splash. Its temperature is cool, and the entrance is big enough for it to be sufficiently ventilated and not completely dark.

 

“This is fucking amazing.” Sirius says, and his voice echoes slightly.

 

“It is.” Remus agrees and crosses the distance to the back of the cave. Once there, he lies down, the water up to his chest. He closes his eyes and hums in contentment. 

 

He hears Sirius approaching him and he feels him lie down next to him. They stay like this in silence.

 

“D’you reckon they’ll steal our things?” Remus asks.

 

“Couldn’t care less at this point.” Sirius’ voice reverberates. Remus shares the same feeling exactly, feeling the sort of complete calmness that makes everything else insignificant.

 

Sirius touches his shoulder with his finger and starts tracing it up and down. Remus lets out a small sigh of enjoyment, enjoying the caress.

 

After a while, he starts stroking all the way up to Remus’ neck and down to his elbow.

 

Suddenly, this is too little for Remus. He wants more.

 

This is exactly what he communicates to Sirius, his voice a whisper.

 

“Are you sure?” the later asks hesitantly.

 

“Yes.”

 

Sirius traces a hand over Remus’ nipple, his touch ghostlike. Then he runs circles over Remus’ stomach and up to his chest again, his hand getting in and out of the water. He strokes his neck once again,with the back of his hand this time, and then starts lightly scratching the nape of his hair. He moves further up, massaging his scalp. 

 

Remus quite likes all of this.

 

Sirius then is on top of him in one, smooth movement, kissing his mouth, and then his neck. When he scrapes it lightly with his teeth, Remus full-on moans, the sound vibrating through the cave walls.

 

He would be embarrassed, except he doesn’t care.

 

Sirius makes a tiny move with his hips and this time, they both moan. Despite being more than halfway inside cold water, he feels hot all over. He moves again. Remus gasps in pleasure.

 

Water fills his mouth.

 

He pushes Sirius away from him and they both sit up, coughing and sputtering.

 

“Fucking- bollocks” Sirius wheezes amidst his coughing fit.

 

“I think I snorted water.” Remus croaks when he can speak.

 

“Same.” 

 

“What kind of sea deity has it against us?” Remus laments. 

 

“Fuck me if I know.”

 

The waves, like the one that so unkindly ruined their moment are now stronger, creating a decent amount of foam. Sirius and Remus swim towards the exit of the cave, to find that the wind has risen significantly since they got in, creating ripples on the sea’s surface. A few grey clouds are approaching, propelled by it, but still relatively far on the horizon.

 

“Oh, come on. Don’t tell me it’s going to fucking rain.”

 

“I hope not. They’re still far, for now, at least.”

 

The moment ruined, they swim around for a bit more and then get out of the water, trying to both wrap themselves around the towel because the wind is making their skin prickle from the cold. Thankfully, everything is exactly where they left it.

 

Sirius reapplies sun cream on Remus. They dry up. They eat the sandwiches they prepared yesterday. They taste like the most exquisite food on the planet. The sea always works one’s appetite up.

 

They sit in silence for a bit after that. Remus solves a crossword from crossword book he recently bought while Sirius reads “The Bell Jar.”

 

“Isn’t this a bit too dark for a Summer book?” Remus asks.

 

“You could say that. But I like the contradiction.”

 

“Of course you do. I bet you also love those songs with upbeat melodies but depressing lyrics.”

 

“Well, yes, actually, I do. I quite appreciate the irony of it.”

 

Remus scoffs affectionately. “Wow, how quirky.”

 

“Don’t mock me, idiot.”

 

“I’ll mock you all I want.” Sirius’ face assumes such a cute kicked-puppy expression at these words that Remus cannot resist giving him a quick kiss on the lips. His expression after that switches to one of tenderness.

 

“I like it when you get spontaneous.” 

 

Remus smiles. “I know.”

 

Some time after, a blonde, blue-eyed woman in her mid-thirties arrives, accompanied by her daughter, who is more or less four years old, and a miniature image of her. The little girl clearly wasn’t expecting to find them here and visibly recoils when she sees them, but the woman gives them a kind nod in greeting.

 

After she and her daughter have swum a bit, she sits close to them, introduces herself as Johanna, and asks them where they’re from and how did they end up here.

 

“We’re from Fenneltown.” Sirius answers, as if he himself lives there. It sends a pang of sadness through Remus.

 

They chat idly with the woman about the weather and the area. During this time, the girl, who is currently chewing on bits of apricot her mother brought for her on a little bowl, slowly overcomes her reservations and eyes the two boys curiously.

 

“What’s your names?” she interrupts them in a curious voice.

 

“I’m Remus and this is Sirius.”

 

“Those aren’t real names!” she accuses them, frowning.

 

“Yes, they are, they come from Rome and Ancient Greece.” Remus explains patiently. “What’s your name, then?”

 

“Cassie.”

 

“As in Cassandra?” he asks her mom.

 

“Yes. We named her after her granny.”

 

“Well, Cassie, your name is Ancient Greek as well, did you know that?”

 

Cassie’s eyes widen. “No it’s not!”

 

“Remus is right, Cassie.” her mom smiles. Cassie gasps.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, Cassie. You are named after a Greek princess who was so pretty, that a God fell in love with her. And she could tell the future!” Remus explains sweetly.

 

“Awesome! Mom, I want to tell the future, too!” she jumps up and down in excitement.

 

“Perhaps when you grow up a bit.” her mother stares at her with affection.

 

“And you? Are you named after a prince, too?”

 

“Well, sort of.” Remus laughs. “it is said that Remus’ brother founded Rome.”

 

“Boring.” Cassie declares. “How about you?” She turns to Sirius.

 

“Well, I’m named after a dog.”

 

“I like dogs!” Cassie smiles, showing a gap in her tooth. She turns back to Remus. “What’t this?” she points at Remus’ crossword.

 

For some time, Remus occupies himself with little Cassie, explaining to her how crosswords work, letting her join the dots on the next page (although what she produces is more of an abstract work of art than a dolphin jumping out of the ocean) and playing chase with her when she gets bored of that. All along, her mother supervises them with a smile on her face and Sirius attempts to go back to The Bell Jar, but is staring at them more than reading.

 

At around six o'clock, Johanna tells Cassie it’s time to go. She puts up a resistance for a while, until Remus kindly urges her to obey her mom. She resigns and waves Remus goodbye. 

 

“Thank you for playing with Cassie, Remus. You’re a rare specimen of lad.” Johanna says earnestly. “It was a pleasure meeting you and your friend.”

 

Remus thanks her, flattered, and with one last wave, Johanna and Cassie are gone. Remus returns to where Sirius sits.

 

“You are something else with children, you know that?” Sirius informs him in amazement.

  
  


“Thank you. I’ve always loved children an awful lot. That’s why I want to become a teacher.”

 

“You’ll be a phenomenal one. Many people teach, you know. But few do it well. Few have that ability to transmit knowledge, to hold people’s attention like that. The way you explained all those things to little Cassie...You captivated her. And she’s a four year old! Their attention span is that of a goldfish! But she stood there lapping up everything you said. You even managed to make bloody Cassandra sound cool!” Sirius shakes his head. “You are truly something else, Remus. You have a gift. Don’t waste it.”

 

Remus feels his cheeks flame after hearing Sirius’ words. “Thank you, I...you don’t know how much I appreciate what you said. I won’t waste it, I promise you.”

 

“Good.” Sirius takes Remus’ hands and kisses it. “Fancy another swim?”

 

“Sure.” Remus makes to get up. 

 

“Wait.” Sirius says. “I have an idea.”

 

“What kind of idea?”

 

“To carve our names inside the cave. I have my Swiss knife with me.”

 

“And to think you fancy yourself a punk boy.”

 

“Shut up. Punks are sensitive.” Sirius smacks him lightly on the head and rummages through the bag. When he finally finds it, he heads to the sea and plunges in swiftly. Remus follows suit, feeling the water freeze his body.

 

They swim to the cave once again, which is slightly darker now that the sun has fallen a bit. Sirius points at a spot and Remus nods. He flips out the blade and starts carving an “S” in ancient greek font, tracing each line deeply so as to leave a clear mark. Then, he carves a “+” and gives the knife to Remus, who carves an “R”. He stands behind to admire their work of art, a melancholic smile on his face.

 

They swim for much less time, and once they’re out Sirius suggests they go watch the sunset over the fortress they passed by on their way here. Remus agrees, and once they’re dry they put on their shirts and pick up their things.

 

They put on their helmets, get on the motorcycle again and depart.

 

The small fortress is at a five minute distance from the beach, on their left, this time, and it is partly ruined. It must have served as an ideal observatory for watching the ships thanks to its position. Its wall is approximately two meters high.

 

They leave the motorcycle at the foot of it and Sirius climbs with ease, finding a firm grip in the gaps between the rocks. Remus is less graceful, but with the help of Sirius he manages to climb it, too.

 

He takes a look at the vast ocean spreading before him, at the sun that’s starting to fall on his left, at the clouds on the horizon and he takes it all in, willing time to stop, willing this moment to last forever.

 

“Well, then. There goes our last trip together.” Sirius sighs, sadness colouring his tone.

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m going to miss you an awful lot, you know.”

 

“Me too.”

 

A pause.

 

“Sirius…” Remus hesitates. “If you could, would you take it all back?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“If you could turn back time would you stop yourself from getting with with me, knowing that the end is going to hurt so much?”

 

“No, Remus. I’ll be glad to go through the end. Being with you is worth it.”

 

Remus stares ahead, trying not to cry.

 

“Would  _ you _ stop yourself, Remus?”

 

“No. I wouldn’t. If someone presented me the bare facts three months ago and asked me the same question, I would not hesitate to say that I would take it all back. But I as it is, I would never do it.”

 

“Besides” Sirius reflects “I think that even if I wanted to stop myself, I couldn’t. I did try to stop myself from getting with you, if you recall. But I failed miserably because I wanted you so much, Rem. When we swam together and you mocked me or made one of your sarcastic remarks, all I wanted was to kiss you, just to shut you up. I don’t know how I managed to restrain myself from doing it in the middle of the day, everyone be damned.”

 

“You wanted me that much?” is all that Remus can ask, still incredulous about it.

 

“Yes Remus, that much. Every time you were being an acidic little shit, I imagined kissing you to wipe that smug look off your face. Or when you said some clever nerdy joke only you understood. I really wanted to kiss you those times too, because you were so proud of yourself and I barely could resist. Or when you rambled on and on about this or that book. Or when you smiled.” he confesses fondly.“ When we were at the disco, after ‘Dancing Queen’, you beamed at me with that smile of yours and I wanted to kiss you so much it made me dizzy. I would’ve done it too, if Marlene hadn’t come just then.”

 

“But then you went and kissed her.” Remus pouts, a trace of bitterness still left in him about what Sirius did.

 

“I was terrified, and an idiot.” Sirius sighs. “I thought that if I got with a girl I could get my mind off you. Of course, as I said, I failed miserably at that. Every time I was with her, I kept picturing you instead. And that day, after you got sunburnt, when you told me to follow my heart, I decided this was exactly what I was going to do. To break up with her and to let you know how I felt. I wasn’t sure you felt the same, but I couldn’t keep it inside me anymore.”

 

“Well, I don’t blame you for being an idiot. I was much more oblivious than you. I only figured out how I felt when I saw you kiss her. I think I suspected before that, but I was in denial. It was also the revelation that I was a queer that devastated me. I didn’t know up until then.”

 

“I didn’t know either, up until you.”

 

“What?” Remus lets out, surprised. “You didn’t know?”

 

“No.”

 

“But you seem so… At peace with it. I figured you already suspected.”

 

“Well, I wasn’t at peace with it, at first. I tried to date a girl when I realised, for crying out loud. But then I understood there was nothing I could do about it. I could either live unhappily, repressing myself, or be true to who I am. I chose the second one.”

 

“I really admire that about you. Your braveness. I could never be like that.”

 

“I think you’re braver than you give yourself credit for.” Sirius takes Remus’ hands in his, kisses it and then lowers it down, without letting go. 

 

Remus feels like he’s going to burst with the emotions he feels about the boy next to him. He lets go of his hand and wraps his arms around his neck, propping his head on his shoulder.

 

They watch the sun go lower and lower, colouring the clouds pink, until it disappears behind a cloud, low on the horizon.

 

“We should get going.” Remus suggests hoarsely, wiping the tears from his eyes.

 

“Yes.”

 

Twenty minutes later, they are back in the Mansion. The sky has gone dark, the wind has risen even more and the clouds have well gathered in the sky.

 

When they get in, Peter whines at Sirius for disappearing all day with Remus and not taking him on a ride with the motorcycle. Sirius promises that he will take him tomorrow. James says nothing, sensing the heavy mood.

 

While they eat dinner, the thunderstorm breaks. The rain lashes at the windows mercilessly, while bright flashes of lightning illuminate the sky, accompanied by thunder. James declares he’s not in the mood for staying up in that weather and goes to his room. Sirius and Remus agree. Peter shrugs and follows his example. They, in turn, go to their room.

 

That night, they finish what they couldn’t at the cave today and in that very same room, weeks ago.

 

This time, everything flows naturally, and nothing interrupts them.

 

The atmosphere feels charged, possibly because of the thunderstorm, or maybe because of the tempest in their hearts.

 

They don’t know much about what they’re doing; they’re both inexperienced.

 

Still, it all feels so, so good.

 

They do it a second time.

 

And a third time.

 

Afterwards, they stare at each other in silence, drinking every detail in, until their lids grow heavy.

 

The storm outside lulls them to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter:  
> Are you ready for love? - Elton John  
> Because the night - Patti Smith  
> The air that I breathe - The Hollies
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've mentioned in the description, I have moved Hogwart's location from Scotland to England <3

Four.

  


Three.

  


Two.

  


One.

  


_None._

 

***

 

Four days before Sirius leaves, he and Remus wake up under a grey sky. The way they lie there, naked, intimate, vulnerable, is something Remus wouldn’t have dared to dream of a little time ago.

 

And yet now he has it.

 

And just as he’s got it, it will be snatched from him.

 

They delay their getting up for as much as they can. The sun can’t be seen to indicate what time it is, and they can get away with pretending it’s early in the morning.

 

The moment feels fragile, somehow. They don’t speak. Sirius’ takes Remus’ hand and kisses it. Remus removes a strand of hair from between Sirius’ eyes.

 

“I can’t believe it took us so long to do this,” Remus eventually says.

 

“It was amazing, wasn’t it?”

 

“That doesn’t quite cover it.”

 

“You didn’t regret it or…”

 

“No, idiot,” Remus assures him. “Why didn’t I overcome those stupid fears sooner?”

 

“Hey.” Sirius’ gaze turns soft. “You’re ready when you’re ready. You shouldn’t have forced yourself into anything.”

 

“You’re right,” Remus sighs. “I just wish we had more time ahead of us.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Though the rain outside is but a slight drizzle now, they can’t go to the beach in this weather. They join James and Peter downstairs. The general mood is as sombre as those clouds.

 

They pass the morning doing absolutely nothing, lying lethargically on couches or the floor, reading, staring at the ceiling, dozing off.

 

Fortunately, by the afternoon, the clouds have all disappeared and the sky is blue and bright. The boys put on their swimming suits and head for the Golden Coast. Only the wet streets and the occasional puddle are left to indicate the previous storm.

 

The usual crowd of Marlene and her friends, Adam, Mike, and the rest is there. Frank and Alice are, as usual, snogging in a corner while Sam lies alone, sunbathing.

 

James, followed by Peter, of course, greets the boys cordially and makes a joke or two with Adam. They even appear friendly towards Peter, to Remus’ surprise.

 

_When did that happen? They wouldn’t even look at him before,_ he wonders, marveling at the fact that ever since they got together, Sirius and Remus were enclosed in their own bubble, not caring much about what happened around them.

 

This is further ascertained by the fact that no one, save Sam and Lucy, pays any attention to them.

 

_Could they be suspecting?_ Remus wonders, terrified for a second, before dismissing the idea. Were they to suspect, they wouldn’t be indifferent. They would have eaten them alive.

 

After talking with the boys, James whispers something in Peter’s ear, who nods and heads to where Remus and Sirius are sitting.

 

“What’d he tell you?” Sirius asks

 

“That he needs to go talk to Sharon.”

 

Indeed, all of them follow their friend with their eyes as he approaches Sharon, who gets up, smiling, and walks with him further at the beach.

 

After a brief speech from James that they can’t hear, Sharon smiles, hugs him, and waves goodbye with her hand, returning to her friends. James is with them in an instant.

 

“What happened?” Remus asks

 

“Nothing much, I broke it off with Sharon.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes. I told her how in four days we will be gone, and all that jazz, and we broke it off.”

 

“That easily?” Remus wonders out loud despite himself.

 

“Yeah, why not? It was just a summer thing, after all.”

 

Sirius and Remus look at each other at the same time, and Remus knows they’re both comparing James’ easy-going situation with the heart-wrenching pain their own parting is already causing them.

 

***

 

Three days before Sirius leaves, they are awoken in the morning by a high-pitched yell and the sound of their room’s door slamming closed.

 

“Wha-?” Remus shoots up, scared.

 

“That was James’ womanly screech of despair,” Sirius answers, his eyes still closed. “He probably barged in and saw us naked.”

 

“Why have we stopped locking that door?” Remus wonders, mortified.

 

When they go downstairs, they find James in the living room with a haunted expression on his face.

 

“Good morning, Jamesie,” Sirius approaches him and ruffles his hair. James bats his hand away.

 

“Get those filthy hands off me. You’ve succeeded in scarring me for life,” he whines. “Anyway, what I wanted to tell you is that your mum came by, Remus,” he says, “and she invited us to dinner at your house tonight at eight. To say goodbye properly.”

 

“Oh.” The mirth Remus was feeling instantly evaporates. “Are you guys alright with that?”

 

“Of course, Rem. We all love Hope.” Sirius smiles a sad smile.

 

Almost instantly after their acquaintance, Sirius had bonded with Remus’ mother. He started calling her “Hope” immediately, displaying a familiarity and affection towards her he didn’t with Peter’s mother, for example, whom he still calls “Mrs. Pettigrew”. Once, at night, in their room, he had confessed to Remus that he wished he had a mother like his.

 

From her part, Hope showed him nothing but tenderness, and though she has been sweet with all of them, Remus knows Sirius holds a special place in her heart, possibly because she suspects that he is the one who needs her affection the most.

 

Peter, when he returns from the grocery shop, is thrilled at the prospect of a Lucullian meal at the Lupins.

 

At eight o’clock sharp, they ring the doorbell of his house, bearing a bottle of wine from the grocery shop.

 

Remus’ dad opens the door and greets them warmly, his gaze turning apologetic when it lands on his son, showing that he is still feeling guilty over what happened a few days ago at the bookshop.

 

Remus, in turn, feels bad himself. He didn’t mean to react like this, when all his father was trying to do was express some valid concerns. He resolves to talk it out with him as soon as possible.

 

For now, however, they are lead to the Lupins’ living room where they sit to wait for the food to get ready. Hope briefly greets them from her kitchen in her flowery apron and then disappears back in.

 

“So, boys,” his father starts after a brief, awkward pause. “What are your plans once you get back to London?”

 

“Well, we’ll only have two days at home,” James informs him.

 

“Thank God for that,” Sirius murmurs under his breath and only Remus, who is sitting next to him on the couch, hears him.

 

“So we won’t be able to do much,” James continues. “We’ll be busy with packing everything we need and then, on September 1st, we’re off to Hogwarts, just south of London. It’s not that far from home, but it feels like an entirely different world.”

 

“How so?”

 

“Well, it’s something out of a fairytale, really. It’s this enormous castle in the midst of a huge green area. It’s insanely beautiful.” James launches on a passionate rant about Hogwarts, its halls, its classrooms, the dorms up on the towers, the lake and the forest outside. Remus hears about all of this with great interest, although Sirius has already talked to him about most of it.

 

If he hadn’t known James and Sirius, Remus would presume they were lying. He can scarcely believe that such a school exists. It sounds like a magical, utopic land in his ears. Fenneltown High is a plain, small, beige building with nothing special about it.

 

His mum comes out to inform them that dinner is ready and they gather around the table. They offer to help Hope as they usually do, but she declines, telling them that tonight, they are proper guests.

 

They take their usual places, Remus and Sirius next to each other, facing James and Peter. Hope and Lyall bring the food in and sit at the ends of the table.

 

His parents outdid themselves this time. For starters, there is a salad with fruit in it, as well as a delicious mushroom pie with bacon. The main course consists of beef with melted cheddar cheese on it, and chicken fillet a la creme with a side of rigatoni.

 

For a while, the only sound that can be heard is the scraping of cutlery against the plates, and the noises of delight that escape everyone’s mouths. When they’ve eaten enough, they chat about this and that, about Fenneltown in the winter, about the boys’ professors at Hogwarts (mainly about a certain Minerva McGonagall), about James’ parents’ aspirations to make him a doctor, even about Lily Evans, who James manages to insert into the conversation while Sirius is informing the Lupins about the scholarships Hogwarts offers.

 

By some miracle, Remus’ parents do not ask any questions about Sirius’ family that may bring him into a difficult position.

 

When Hope gets in the kitchen and emerges holding a chocolate pie, everyone groans  painfully. Remus feels so full he might burst.

 

Still, he smells the sweet smell of the pie and decides that he can hold in a piece or two.

 

While they make valiant efforts to consume the dessert, Hope brings up the idea of showing them Remus’ photo albums. Everyone agrees enthusiastically. Remus tries to protest, but his protest is drowned out.

 

James and Peter take his baby album, while he and Sirius go through his childhood one.

 

Remus stares more at Sirius rather than at the photos, taking in his fond smile as he sees little Remus riding his bike, his chuckle when he sees him sitting inside a bucket at the age of three, and his uncontrollable laughter when he sees him wearing underpants on his head while playing a toy drum.

 

Further into the album, the pictures become more and more recent and less frequent. Remus at the bookshop at the age of thirteen, a little Ophelia sitting on his arm. Remus at the Golden Coast, blinded by the sun, not realising they’re taking his picture.

 

At the end, there is a folder with some pictures they’ve printed double. Sirius examines them as well.

 

“You can have one, if you’d like,” Remus offers in a low voice.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes, they’re only doubles,” Remus tries to sound casual, but thinks he fails.

 

Sirius examines them, one by one, and when he finds the one with Remus in the bucket he says “I want that one.”

 

“Take it, then.”

 

Sirius takes a quick look around to see if anyone’s watching them and puts it in the pocket of his leather jacket.

 

“Wow, you really did like chewing your foot, huh?” James observes from the other side of the table.

  


After finishing with the albums, the sit in the living room again, drinking Peter’s wine and chatting, not even keeping track of the time. 

 

When they do leave, it’s close to one o’clock. 

 

Lyall hugs James and Sirius goodbye, and Hope does the same, lingering a bit longer on Sirius, whispering something to him Remus can’t hear. Sirius whispers back to her.

 

“It was a pleasure meeting you, boys, have a safe trip home,” Lyall wishes them and Remus feels a sharp pang of pain at these final words, as he closes the door.

 

Later, in their room, Sirius and Remus lie wrapped around each other, too tired to do anything other than that tonight.

 

“What did my mum tell you?” he asks him.

 

“That she’s glad you got to meet me,” Sirius confesses. “And then I told her that I’m glad I got to meet you, too.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“She’s a wonderful woman, your mum.”

 

“I know.”

 

A pause.

 

“I don’t want to go back to _her_ , Remus.”

 

“I know.”

 

He holds the boy he loves tighter, wanting with all his heart to help him, but knowing he is completely unable to.

 

***

 

Two days before Sirius leaves, they start tidying up the house.

 

They decided to get over with this today, to have their last day in Fenneltown all to themselves.

 

James puts the covers back on the couches, Remus washes the huge stack of dishes littering the kitchen, Peter picks up rubbish from impossible places and collects their scattered clothes.

 

It feels like taking down Christmas decoration, only a million times worse.

 

Remus himself collects many of his things, some from the room he used to sleep in but hasn’t in some time, many more from his and Sirius’ room. He needs to bring a bigger bag from his house to carry them all at once.

 

The heat doesn’t make things easy, but everyone is making a valiant effort to get this done, albeit at a sluggish pace.

 

That, of course, does not include Sirius.

 

Sirius has done nothing but lie in bed all day and stare at the void with a blank expression.

 

Remus has entered and exited the bedroom various times, and Sirius hasn’t changed position or acknowledged his presence once.

 

After Remus has gathered almost everything, he sits on the bed next to his boyfriend, starting to pet his hair softly.

 

“You not packing your things is not going to change anything, you know,” he says tenderly.

 

“I know. I just don’t want to,” Sirius pouts.

 

“You have to, love. Come on, I’ll help you out.”

 

Sirius puts up some more feeble resistance and then half-heartedly gets up, drags his bag from underneath the bed and starts shoving clothes inside.

 

_“I’ll never be your beast of burden/my back is broad but it’s a-hurtin’/all I want for you to make love to me”_

 

They hear James’ voice sing from downstairs, accompanied by the strum of his guitar.

 

“Idiot probably found it tossed somewhere and remembered he owns it,” Sirius comments. Remus smiles.

 

“It’s a miracle he forgot about this thing while here,” he continues. “Once we’re back at Hogwarts he’ll start playing all the time again. He thinks he’ll get girls this way.”

 

“Doesn’t he?”

 

“Well, yes, but not the one he wants. Lily hates when he plays it. Once, she threatened to ‘smash the damned thing on his head’, as were her exact words, if he didn’t stop and let her study in peace,” a smile blooms on Sirius’ face despite himself. Remus suspects that for all his bitterness, deep down, he actually likes Lily.

 

Once they finish, they eat the leftovers Hope packed for them from yesterday’s dinner and play cards.

 

In the afternoon, Peter and James take the bus to Tickleborough to buy the bus tickets to London. Peter had proposed that they go all four of them, but Sirius categorically refused to accompany them.

 

They have the Mansion to themselves, and they certainly take advantage of that.

 

“Good thing we won’t use the kitchen again,” Remus pants after they’ve finished what they were doing. Sirius steadies himself on the counter Remus is sitting on and gets up from in-between Remus’ legs, wiping his mouth.

 

“True. Fancy some dessert?”

 

“Ugh, I’d love to, but James and Pete will be back soon.”

 

“I was talking about ice cream, you pervert!” Sirius says in mock-horror. Remus grabs the shirt lying next to him and whips him on the head with it.

 

James and Peter later find them eating from a bucket of cookies and cream ice cream, perched on the kitchen counter.

 

“Why aren’t you eating on the couch, like normal people?” Peter asks.

 

“I just enjoy eating things in the kitchen,” Sirius answers innocently. Remus chokes on his spoonful.

  


“Hey, I was thinking,” Sirius says later that night, while they lie on the bed, “you gave me this photo of yours. I should give you something too.”

 

“There’s no need, Sirius.”

 

“Shut up, idiot.” Sirius smacks him lightly. “I want to. Now, what could I give you…” he contemplates for a bit, scratching his head.

 

Suddenly, his hand halts. He leads it to his ear, takes off his cross earring and offers it to Remus.

 

“What? Your earring? I can’t accept that, Sirius. You adore that thing.”

 

“Just take it, for fuck’s sake. I want you to have it, or I wouldn’t offer it to you. I’ll find another one.”

 

He puts is on Remus’ hand, and Remus stares at the little piece of jewellery in amazement.

 

“Thanks,” is all he can say, moved by the simple yet tender gesture. He gets up and puts it inside one of his bag’s pockets gingerly.

 

When he comes back to the bed, Sirius is staring at him with a soft smile on his face. Remus lies down, facing him, and Sirius places a small, sweet kiss on his lips. Remus puts his arms around him.

 

The _I love you_ is once again at the tip of his tongue, but once again, he does not say it.

 

***

 

The day before Sirius leaves, they get up early, like they agreed with James and Peter. They have lots of things to do.

 

First, they stop by the bookshop. His father is sitting on his usual place and Alex is scribbling in a notebook.

 

James and Peter approach Mr. Lupin and strike up a conversation with him, while Sirius and Remus turn to Alex.

 

“Hey, Alex, will you be at home at three in the afternoon?” Sirius asks him.

 

“Yeah, why?” he answers, baffled.

 

“So that I can pass by and bring it back to you.”

 

“Bring what to me?”

 

“Your motorcycle, Alex,” Sirius whispers to him so as not to be heard by Lyall.

 

“Oooh, right. Well, there’s no rush. You can keep it for a bit longer if you want to.”

 

“Alex,” Sirius speaks slowly. “I am leaving tomorrow.”

 

“What? Really? You are leaving tomorrow? Why?” he appears genuinely confused.

 

“Because, Alex, on September 1st, I have to be at school. In London.”

 

“Oh, yes, right. I see now,” he nods and turns back to his notebook. Sirius waits patiently. 

 

Alex lifts his head again. “Wait. Does that mean this is the last time I see you?”

 

“Yes, Alex.”

 

“Oh!” he gets up from his chair. “G-goodbye, man. I’ll miss you. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

 

“I’ll miss you too, Alex, lad.”

 

They hug in an awkward, yet genuine manner. Remus watches the scene with affection.

 

“James, Peter, it was nice meeting you. Have a safe return,” he goes and hugs James, and then Peter.

 

“Uhh, Alex,” Peter says when Alex pulls back.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I’m from Fenneltown. I live here.”

 

“Oh! Shit! Right! Of course. Then… I guess I’ll see you around,” he makes an awkward wave and sits on his desk again. Remus’ father is trying not to let out muffled laughs.

 

“For what it’s worth, boys, I, too, will miss you,” he tells them once he’s recovered and pats James’ and Sirius’ backs.

 

“We will too, Mr. Lupin.”

 

After this, Sirius says goodbye to the Hercules, Achilles, Ophelia, Venus, every cat one by one. Minerva is not there and he refuses to leave until he can say goodbye to her too. 

 

When she enters the shop through the small cat door, ten minutes later or so, he calls her name and she comes running straight to him. He picks her up in his arms and she meows a bit, but does not protest further.

 

“I will miss you the most, Minnie, you’re my favourite girl,” he rubs his face against hers and she purrs and closes her eyes. Then, he places a small kiss on her forehead and puts her down. Remus feels like he wants to cry.

 

“Alright. That’s done with, then,” he murmurs sadly. Another round of goodbyes and hugs, and they’re out of _Lupin’s Lunar Library_. As they walk away, Sirius casts one last, fleeting glance and waves goodbye to the little shop.

 

Their next stop is the Golden Coast. They leave their things on the ground helter skelter and run to the sea. They swim, play ball, and sink each other in the water. They stay in for quite a long time, until their skin wrinkles from the water and they feel cold.

 

Once they’re out, they dry out in the sun for a bit and then James and Sirius start saying their goodbyes to the kids of Fenneltown.

 

They start with Sam, who is closest to them, and who seems genuinely sorry that they are going to leave, although he interacted very little with them over those months. Then, they go over to Georgia and Adam, who wish them a safe trip home disinterestedly. Remus has heard from Peter that they’re on the verge of breaking up.

 

They say goodbye to Mike, Frank and Alice, who even stop snogging for a full minute to talk to them. After them, it’s the girls’ turn: Lucy, Sharon, to whom James gives a brief peck on the lips, and Irene, whom Peter even tries to hit on a little.

 

Sirius then shocks Remus by heading towards Marlene and her group. She furrows her brow as he approaches. “What do you want?” she asks coldly.

 

“I just wanted to say that, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry I ended it this way with us. Although I don’t believe we made a good couple, you are an amazing girl that I really appreciate and you didn’t deserve the way I treated you. I would hate for us to part on bad terms, Marlene.” 

 

Marlene, whose expression while Sirius was speaking was one of surprise, softens. “Well, I still think you’re an arse…”

 

“Fair enough,” Sirius agrees.

 

“...but whatever. Apology accepted. Take care, whatever you do next,” she steps towards him and gives him a brief hug. 

 

“Thanks, Marlene. You’re the best.”

 

“I know,” she smiles.

 

After they see their leader’s reaction, Christine and the rest of the entourage all say goodbye to James and Sirius. Their goodbyes done with, the boys pick up their things and shout one last farewell to everyone. A chorus of goodbyes comes in answer, and then they’re gone from the Golden Coast.

 

“That was quite amazing, what you did with Marlene,” Remus tells Sirius after they intentionally fall behind from their friends.

 

“I owed it to her. I couldn’t give her an explanation, but she at least deserved an apology.”

 

Remus nods in agreement. 

 

At the Mansion, they eat the last of Hope’s leftovers and then play a long round of Monopoly in the terrace, lulled by the sound of the cicadas. Peter beats them yet again.

 

At three o’clock, Sirius mounts the motorcycle to return it to Alex’s house, while Remus picks up the large bag with his own personal items and starts for his house.

 

_This is it. It’s over,_ he thinks as he puts it down in his room. He sits on his bed and lets a few tears escape his eyes, willing his distress to contain itself until Sirius is gone. He is not going to let it stop him from enjoying every moment he has left with the boy he loves.

 

He gets up rapidly and takes the road back to the Mansion again. Thank God his parents are sleeping, because he couldn’t bear to talk to them now.

 

When he returns, Sirius is already back. They ascend to the second floor and shower together, and after that, talk about trivial things concerning school, intentionally staying away from the heavy thoughts that have taken over both of their minds.

 

“Remus and I are going to the Ivy Bay,” Sirius announces to James and Peter an hour or so later.

 

“Alone?” Peter asks, annoyed. “Come on lads, it’s our last day. We should spend all of it together!” Remus and Sirius have been spending time alone so much that Peter does not even question it anymore. Today, it seems, is an exception.

 

“They won’t be long, Pete. Right lads?” James comes to the rescue. “We can clear off all of the ice cream while they’re gone.”

 

The prospect of this activity seems to appease Peter, who nods happily. “Have fun, then!”

 

The boys take the familiar path towards the Ivy Bay. They do not speak on the way there, only hold each other’s hand. 

 

They get in the water and wordlessly pull each other close. 

 

They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, until their lips are numb, and even then they don’t stop.

 

“You’re so lovely, Remus,” Sirius murmurs in between kisses.

 

All Remus can do is sigh and melt underneath Sirius’ touch, as he so often does.

 

When they get out of the water, they sit on the rock where they exchanged their very first kiss.

 

“It feels like forever ago, doesn’t it?” Sirius asks as they stare off into the sea.

 

“Yes.”

 

They don’t say another word. When the sun sets, they pick up their things.

 

“Goodbye, Ivy Bay,” Sirius whispers as he walks away from it for the last time.

 

James and Peter are sat on the couches holding their bellies when they enter, two buckets of ice cream laying on the floor, defeated.

 

“You lied. You were gone long,” Peter articulates painfully.

 

“Well, I don’t care if your stomachs are going to explode,” Remus says as if he didn’t hear him. “We are still getting pizza for dinner, like we agreed.

 

Their friends moan in anguish at the prospect.

 

An hour later though, when they set out for Mr. Johnson’s restaurant, James and Peter have managed to almost fully recover and are licking their lips in anticipation.

 

They order two jumbo pizzas with the most loaded toppings. “We’ll have some left for the road,” Sirius reasons once they see their sizes.

 

Mr. Johnson packs their order grudgingly, apparently not having forgotten the day when they threw grapes at him from the balcony. They pay with saccharine smiles on their faces and go.

 

Between James and Peter’s half-filled stomach because of the consumed ice cream and Remus’ and Sirius’ reduced appetite because of their sorrow, they manage to eat something short of one pizza.

 

After they finish, they sit in the yard, jumping from one subject to the other, laughing, arguing, relishing each other’s company.

 

Their camaraderie is so effortless, so natural and pleasant. Remus feels a pang of sadness over its impending end.

 

They open a bottle of gin and drink a glass or two each. Peter gets tipsy very fast, James laughs louder than usual, Sirius becomes unreserved in his touches towards Remus, caressing his arm up and down with the tip of his fingers, stroking his thigh, scratching his hair.

 

Peter is too tipsy to notice, thankfully, but James does, and sends an exaggerated wink their way.

 

Remus bursts out laughing.

 

“What’s so funny?” Peter asks.

 

“Nothing, Pete. Finish that joke about the giraffe.” 

 

After some time, Sirius declares that he’s tired, and would like to go to bed. Remus voices his agreement. James understands and tells them he could use some sleep as well. Peter feebly protests, but is outvoted.

 

James raises his almost fully empty glass in the air. “To the Marauders!” he toasts.

 

“To the Marauders!” everyone else echoes, and their glasses clink.

 

“It’s been one epic summer, lads. I’ll never forget you,” he concludes, sounding emotional. He throws his glass to the ground. It shatters.

 

He gets up from his chair waveringly and heads inside. They all follow his example.

 

This time, Remus and Sirius take things slow, knowing this will be their last time, savouring every moment. Once or twice, Remus thinks he may cry, thinking about how much he’s going to miss Sirius’ touch.

 

Once they’re finished, they put on their clothes, step outside on the balcony, and sit on two chairs. There is no way either of them will be able to sleep tonight and they know it.

 

Sirius lays his head on Remus’ shoulder. They watch the stars.

 

“Look, that’s Sirius over there,” Sirius points, his voice raw as sandpaper.

 

“Where?” Remus asks, making no attempt to hide the fact that he’d been crying from his voice.

 

“See those three stars in a row over there, Orion’s belt? It’s the bright one a bit downwards and on their left.”

 

“Oh, yes. I see him,” a pause. “He’s very bright.”

 

“The brightest in the sky,” Sirius murmurs.

 

“If you ever miss me,” he says, “you can look for me in the stars.”

 

“Right,” Remus’ vision blurs from the tears and he loses Sirius from his sight. _I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you,_ he repeats in his head like a mantra. He does not say it. Were he to do so, it would be the final blow that would destroy them both.

 

They’re already ruined enough as it is.

 

The sky brightens bit by bit, imperceptibly so. The stars slowly fade away. It turns lilac, then orange. The birds start chirping.

 

“I don’t want the sun to rise,” Sirius says brokenly. Remus feels like all the tears within him have been drained.

 

The sun, of course, does not listen to anyone. It dawns, unforgiving.

 

They go inside.

 

***

 

They eat their last breakfast together.

 

Well, James and Peter eat. Remus cannot touch anything. He is feeling like he might throw up.

 

Sirius does not eat anything either.

 

They shut the windows. They lock the doors. They cover the furniture.

 

They go to their bedroom.

 

Sirius briefly glances around to see if he’s forgotten anything.

 

Remus puts the last of his things in his bag. He puts it on his shoulder.

 

They stare at each other, unmoving. They don’t say anything. They don’t even touch.

 

Their eyes roam everywhere, trying to memorise as much of each other as they can.

 

“Lads, come on, we’ll miss the bus!” James calls from downstairs.

 

They take in their room for the last time. 

 

They pick up their bags and exit it. Sirius locks the door.

 

It’s not their room anymore.

 

James and Peter are waiting downstairs, their own bags in their hands.

 

Peter claps Sirius’ back and tells him something Remus cannot pay attention to.

 

They exit the house. James takes the keys from Sirius and locks the door.

 

They cross the yard. James closes the porch door.

 

They walk to the bus stop. The bus comes.

 

Remus and Sirius sit together. They stare right ahead. Still, they don’t talk.

 

Suddenly, Sirius grabs Remus’ hand and squeezes hard enough to bruise. Remus squeezes back.

 

Their hands are trembling.

 

They arrive at Tickleborough with twenty minutes to spare. The bus station is at a five minute distance. Once there, Peter suggests they take one last walk. 

 

“I don’t think there’s time, Pete,” James says. He’s looking their way, full of concern. “Let’s go buy some snacks, us two.”

 

For the first time, Remus is not glad to be left alone with Sirius. He does not know what to do. He does not know what to say. He feels powerless.

 

A tear runs down Sirius’ eye. He spasmodically wipes it with the back of his hand.

 

“Fuck. I just realised we didn’t,” he sniffles, “we didn’t even have a last kiss,” more tears escape his eyes.

 

“Don’t say that Sirius, please,” Remus begs, feeling his own voice tremble.

 

“But it’s t-true. We didn’t- why didn’t we-”

 

“I don’t know. Fuck, Sirius, I don’t know. Don’t know why,” It’s useless trying to hold it back. He has started crying too. 

 

“We didn’t… we couldn’t even… it was so little. It’s so unfair Remus…”

 

“I know. I know.”

 

“Why do I have to go? Fuck, Remus, I don’t,” he sobs, “I don’t want to go.”

 

“I don’t want you to go. Jesus Christ, Sirius.” 

 

They must be making quite a scene, some distant part of Remus’ brain thinks. Two teenage boys outside a bus station, with four large bags in between them, crying their eyes out.

 

Still. He can’t find it in him to care.

 

Nothing makes sense. Everything is _absurd_ and _unfair_ and _awful._

 

Why do they have to be separated? Why does he have to be apart from the boy he loves, forever? It isn’t _right_ , it doesn’t make _sense_. Why would the universe bring them together, only to rip them apart in the worst way?

 

“Hey, lads, they called for our bus on the speakers, we should- _shit._ ”

 

Remus turns to James, though he can only see a blurry shape of him.

 

“Lads? Fuck, what’s gotten into them?” Peter sounds shocked.

 

“Come on, Peter, help me carry these bags,” James orders with urgency. He bends between them and picks most of them up. Peter takes the rest.

 

“Remus, Sirius, come on,” James gently ushers them. Remus follows him numbly.

 

They cross the station to get to where their bus is waiting. People are already boarding.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with them, James? They’re scaring me.”

 

“Let them be, Peter,” James’ tone is borderline harsh this time. Peter shuts his mouth. “We should put the bags in,” Peter follows James to the bus, not without glancing at Remus and Sirius with alarm as he does.

 

Remus turns to Sirius again.

 

“Sirius, please promise me that you won’t forget about me,” he pleads in a desperate tone. He knows that the best thing for them would be to actually forget about each other, but the thought of Sirius slowly erasing from memory what they had makes him unspeakably despaired.

 

“I’ll never forget you, Remus, fuck, how could you say this? I’ll never-” he sniffles.

 

“I won’t either. I don’t think I could if I wanted to.”

 

“Yeah. Same for me,” Sirius smiles a teary smile and tucks a strand of hair behind Remus’ ear, his touch soft like feather.

 

“Well, that’s done with,” Peter announces as he and James make their way back to them. “I reckon you should board the bus soon, boys. It leaves in five minutes,” Peter sounds sad himself at the prospect.

 

“Yes, Pete is right, I’m afraid,” James’ tone is soft and worried. Remus feels a wave of affection flood him towards this brave, golden-hearted, loyal boy who became one of the greatest friends he’s ever had.

 

“Fuck, James, I’ll miss you.” 

 

“Ah, me too Rem, c’mere,” he opens his arms and Remus hugs him.

 

“Thank you. For everything,” he murmurs in his ear as they hug.

 

“Don’t mention it, mate.”

 

“Take care of him, please.”  


“Of course. I always do.” 

 

When they pull back, James turns to Peter. Remus and Sirius are left facing each other again, petrified.

 

Remus takes the initiative this time by throwing himself at Sirius. They hug each other with all their strength, their arms forming a death grip.

 

Sirius nuzzles his head on Remus’ shoulder and wets his shirt with his tears. Remus breathes in his scent for the last time and lets a sob escape his mouth.

 

“Sirius,” he sobs, his body trembling.

 

“Remus, I-” Sirius takes a heaving breath “Remus I lo-”

 

“Don’t say it. _Please_ don’t say it. _Please_. I can’t take it,” he feels hysterical. He can’t breathe.

 

The bus honks.

 

He untangles himself from Sirius.

 

“Bye, lads. I’ll miss you.” James says and gingerly guides Sirius towards the bus from the small of his back. He presents their tickets to the driver.

 

Sirius looks towards Remus for the last time. 

 

They disappear inside and the door closes.

 

The engine revs. The wheels start turning.

 

The bus heads through the exit and disappears, leaving behind it a puff of smoke.

 

Remus puts his face in his hands and breaks down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are nearing the end, guys. I'm emotional.
> 
> Song mentioned in this chapter:  
> Beast of Burden - The Rolling Stones
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Go your own way - Fleetwood Mac  
> Knowing me, knowing you - ABBA
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Leave me a comment and tell me what you thought, if you like.


	16. Chapter 16

When Remus has the presence of mind to take in his surroundings again, he’s sat at a bench with Peter on his left. He doesn’t clearly remember how he got there. Peter must have taken him.

 

Peter has left some distance between them and is looking at Remus with a distraught expression.

 

“Are you feeling better?” he asks warily, as if he’s speaking to a wild animal.

 

“I suppose.”

 

Truth is, though, he’s not feeling better. Right now, he feels that he will never get better. He feels drained. He feels like his heart is crushed. He feels like he needs to sleep for a hundred years, if only to not be conscious of the pain.

 

“We should get going, then,” Peter suggests. Remus nods and gets up with difficulty. His limbs hurt.

 

They walk sluggishly to the bus stop. They don’t speak while waiting.

 

The bus comes, at some point. Peter does not even sit next to Remus and looks out of the window during the entire time. Remus closes his eyes and tries to make the pain go away.

 

The pain does not recede.

 

When they arrive at Fenneltown, Peter gives him a small nod and hurries towards his house. Remus drags himself towards his own.

 

He looks for his keys for quite some time before he is able to find them. He enters the house.

 

His mother is in the living room. “Remus, love, we are about to eat,” she tells him.

 

“Don’t want to,” he answers with effort and heads to his room.

 

He kicks off his shoes and gets under the sheets. He holds his stuffed bear, Teddy, tight.

 

_ He left. He’s gone. I’ll never see his face again. He tried to tell me he loves me and I didn’t let him. _

 

Although he can’t even keep his eyes open, these painful thoughts keep him awake for quite some time until he finally succumbs to sleep.

 

***

 

He stays in his house and eats little for the following two days. His parents stare at him with worry mixed with pity. He cannot stand to look at them.

 

He does not even have time to drown in his sadness before school starts.

 

Every year up until that one, he felt a sort of relief starting school, going back to its familiar routine.

 

This time, though, he can’t stand it.

 

He can’t concentrate enough to care and can’t care enough to concentrate. He goes through the motions mechanically, day by day.

 

His teachers gradually notice, because he sometimes does not even answer to his name when he’s called or doesn’t turn in his assignments. One or two take him aside to ask what’s wrong. He smiles and replies that he’s just a tad distracted and that everything’s fine, really. They nod their heads but don’t seem to believe him. He doesn’t care.

 

His classmates have noticed, too. They, contrary to the teachers, can guess the cause of Remus’ behaviour. At least to some extent.

 

The one that definitely suspects the entire truth is Peter.

 

It wouldn’t have taken a lot of observational skills for anyone to put two and two together. The way Remus and Sirius acted that day definitely does not fall under the category of two good friends being sad that they’re about to separate. And Peter isn’t  _ that _ stupid.

 

This is further ascertained by the fact that Peter now avoids him like the plague. In some miraculous way, over the summer, he made the popular boys like Mike and Adam take him in their group. Now, he is always with them, following them like a faithful lackey, the way he did all summer with James. On the rare occasion Remus dares to look his way, he makes a face and turns away.

 

For a short period of time, Remus is certain that Peter is going to reveal his secret to everyone. He braces himself for the impact, though the notion does not terrify him as much as it should. Let him do what he wants. Remus does not have the energy to try and stop him.

 

However, a week passes, then two, and still no one recoils when he approaches or hurls a slur at him. Remus is briefly confused as to why Peter hasn’t talked.

 

_ But of course. How didn’t I think of it?  _ he realises.  _ Denial.  _ Peter would of course be in denial about the fact that two of the members of the group he’s spent all summer with were queers going at it right under his nose. Admitting this to others would mean that his own newfound status of popularity would go down with Remus. Admitting this to himself would damage his recently acquired confidence their group bestowed upon him.

 

Although Remus had some acquaintances he spoke to at school in the past, he mainly spent breaks with Peter. Now, Peter is avoiding him (a fact that he’s more grateful than sorry about, if he’s honest) and he lacks the energy to try and awkwardly insert himself into groups that only talk to him to be polite and would rather not have him there.

 

And so, he sits alone at breaks and rarely talks to anyone. 

 

He thinks about Sirius all the time, of course. He constantly imagines what he must be doing at present. He pictures him sitting bored in his classes, playing football with James, doing homework.

 

He misses him terribly. Right now, he can’t for the life of him think why he believed it was a good idea for them to not keep in touch.

 

_ It will be better like this, in the long run. The wounds will heal faster. _

 

This is what he’s trying to convince himself of every other night, when the sadness is keeping him awake.

 

***

 

The days blur into one another, dull, grey, monotonous.

 

He gets up, he goes to school, he does his homework, he looks for Sirius in the sky (but more often than not does not see him over the clouds), he falls to bed, he cries, he sleeps.

 

In October, Alex leaves for London.

 

Remus misses his easy-going, relaxed presence. He’s also jealous of him. He’s closer to Sirius than he will ever be.

 

November is cold and bitter. One day, as he’s listening to the radio, the speaker announces a song called “Ever Fallen In Love”, from the Buzzcocks’ new album. By the time the first chorus comes on, he’s broken down in tears.

 

All of this time, his parents have observed him with increasing worry and helplessness. They bother him little and watch him a lot.

 

Remus is certain they have guessed the truth.

 

He’s also certain that they want to talk to him, but don’t know what to say. Remus hopes they don’t come around to it.

 

In December, Fenneltown starts donning its Christmas decorations. The light, the mistletoe, the huge boat made up of coloured lights that adorns the harbour. 

 

Remus and his parents decorate the marquee of the bookshop, as they do every year. They put up their house’s Christmas tree a week after that.

 

Remus has always loved everything about Christmas with a passion. The food, the lights, the warmth in people’s hearts always made him feel like a child.

 

This year, though, the joy he feels is fleeting and epidermal. He is certain that this will be his worst Christmas yet.

 

Alex comes back from London for five days on the 22nd. He has stricken a publishing contract with one of Lyall’s old friends and he loves law school so far. They host a dinner to celebrate.

 

Alex talks about London with an excitement Remus has rarely seen him display. He has also brought them all gifts. Lyall opens a long box to find a fishing rod, although he never fishes. Hope is given a weird necklace with coloured rocks. She never wears jewellery.

 

As for Remus, he’s gifted a ukulele, of all things. He never has played a musical instrument in his life.

 

They all try to muster enthusiasm and conceal their bafflement as they thank him.

 

The schools close on the 23rd, as they do every year. Remus spends the day in bed, thinking about is Sirius having to go back to his house, having to spend holidays with his monster of a mother.

 

He wishes he had a way to reach out to him, to know if he’s alright. He is afraid of how Sirius’ newfound knowledge about himself will affect his interactions with his relatives. Sirius can be hot-headed and impulsive. He could get himself in trouble. Remus is consumed by worry perpetually, without any means of easing it.

 

On Christmas day, he exchanges gifts with his parents. He continues the annual tradition of reading “A Christmas Carol” to them. The story does not fill him with the usual warmth.

 

On New Year’s Eve, it snows. Remus sits by his window and imagines what it would be like if James and Sirius were here.

 

_ We’d snow fight until we were soaking wet. We would build a snowman. We would make snow angels. Sirius’ nose would turn pink. We’d light up the fireplace in the Mansion and Sirius and I would kiss in front of it. _

 

Those reveries make him feel happy and content, until he snaps out of them and falls to an even more profound misery.

 

***

 

1979 finds Remus lying in his bed, wishing with all his heart he could spend it with a person who is miles away from him.

 

School starts again, and he falls back into his soulless routine. 

 

Along with his sadness and heartbreak, another sentiment has started slowly rising within him. He feels like he’s suffocating.

 

His classmates that don’t talk to him, the villagers that carry on with their lives in the same way always, the life in Fenneltown, it all starts affecting Remus like a fist clenching around his throat.

 

He imagines himself at thirty, teaching children at the local school, his now classmates’ children, in this place that never really changes, in this place that is never going to accept him for who he really is, in this place where he will never live his life as himself.

 

He’s been dreaming of becoming a teacher in Fenneltown ever since the first time he imagined his future. It had become a prospect so certain in his head that he almost considered it part of his identity rather than an option.

 

But that was before. That was before he met Sirius. That was before he realised that he is gay. That was before he got a fleeting taste of a different way of life, a way of life not that secure, a way of life not perfect by any means, but perhaps one where he could be more free.

 

For days on end, his mind is a storm of emotions. He lies awake at night, thoughts and worries about the future mixed with the crippling fear of the uncertain turning in his head. 

 

Minute by minute, day by day, he feels like he cannot remain in this uncertainty anymore. He cannot understand if this change within him is genuine, if this new life is something he really wants, or if it’s all a product of his grief after losing Sirius and the changes he’s going through as he’s trying to embrace his newly discovered identity.

 

He wants to have a talk with his parents, but he is bitterly afraid he will disappoint them by his change of plans. His parents left London to live a calm life in the countryside. Why should he disregard the decision they made by moving here? Who is going to take over the bookshop once he’s gone?

 

One chilly February afternoon, he cannot hold it in anymore. He is sitting with his father in the living room. Lyall is sipping tea from a steaming cuppa, trying to seem like he’s not observing his son and failing.

 

“Dad?” Remus utters faintly, a slight tremor coloring his voice.

 

“Yes, Remus?” Lyall turns quickly to him, his tone surprised. Remus abruptly realises that this is the first time he initiates a conversation between them in six months. All of a sudden, he feels guilty.

 

“You and mum, you… you want me to stay in Fenneltown and teach at the school, right? After I finish my studies?”

 

“What gave you this idea, Remus?” his father frowns.

 

“Well, that was always the plan, wasn’t it? I’ll go to London, study to become a teacher and then return here, teach at the school and man the bookshop on weekends. It’s always been like this.”

 

“Remus,” his father puts down his cup of tea, his tone serious, yet gentle. “This has always been the plan because this has always been what  _ you _ wanted. Ever since you were little, you dreamt of inheriting the bookshop. You used to beg me to let you help the customers, even when you were in kindergarten. Ever since you were about seven, you’ve wanted to become a teacher. You went on and on about how you would make all the children of Fenneltown as clever as you were,” a small, amused chuckle escapes Lyall.

 

“Yes, dad, but…”

 

“Let me finish, Remus, please. This is what you always claimed to want, and so this is what we, too, wanted for you. But should you choose to leave Fenneltown once and for all, should you choose you don’t want to be a teacher anymore, should you choose to become an engineer, a psychologist, anything… should you even decide to burn the bookshop to the ground after our deaths, if any of these is truly what your heart wants, then it is what we want for you as well. Your mother and I only want to see you happy.”

 

Remus’ eyes have been filled with tears of emotion and gratitude. He gets up from his chair, and hugs his father fiercely.

 

“Thank you, thank you so much. You don’t know how much this means to me,” he sniffles and pulls away. “And I’m sorry for being like this all these months. There are… some things I need to figure out.”

 

“There’s no need to apologise, Remus,” Lyall’s look is filled with tenderness.

 

“Do you believe that you and mum will accept me, no matter what I choose to do in life? Even if it is something you don’t like?” he asks, suddenly not talking about his professional future anymore.

 

“Yes, Remus."

 

“No matter what it is?”

 

“As long as you don’t harm anyone, then yes,” Remus does not know if he’s imagining the knowledge in his father’s look.

 

He is on the verge of confessing the truth about his and Sirius’ relationship to his father right then, but he holds back. He is not ready yet. But he will be someday. And he is now less afraid of that day, whenever it comes.

 

“I… I’m going for a walk,” his father nods and takes the cuppa in his hands again.

 

Remus puts on his coat and steps outside his house, his heart lighter than it has been in months. The chilly wind is welcome on his skin. The sun has almost set now that it’s winter, although it makes little difference due to the permanently cloudy sky.

 

His steps take him to a certain, once familiar path he hasn’t walked for some time. He raises his eyes fleetingly when he passes by the now deserted Mansion, feeling an ache in his heart. He continues on. 

 

On his right, the waves are crashing against the rocks with might, sprinkling his face with salty water. He follows the path, until he arrives at the rocky passage.

 

Ha cannot now get in the water to go to the Ivy Bay, as they did in the summer. The waves are wild and the water is cold. He takes a look at the two-meter high rocks surrounding the beach and decides to climb through.

 

With some strain, he manages with only a small graze in his hand. He climbs back down.

 

And then he’s there.

 

The Ivy Bay is sombre and almost hostile now. The waves crash against the shore, the tide is higher and the sky is dark. It’s nearly unrecognisable.

 

And yet a myriad of memories still floods Remus.

 

He goes and sits on the rock where he and Sirius had their very first kiss. He lets his tears run freely, mourning their love that was cut short so prematurely.

 

When he stops his crying, he feels a soothing catharsis washing over his soul.

 

And suddenly, with clarity, he knows that leaving Fenneltown is what he truly wants. 

 

He might meet Sirius again, or he might not.

 

But either way, one thing is certain: he is going to leave Fenneltown once and for all. He is going to make a new life. He is going to be the best person he can be, the person that he wants to be. He is going to be proud of the person he becomes, and, however difficult it may be, he is going try to make himself happy.

 

For the first time in a while, Remus smiles.

  
  


**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Ever fallen in love - The Buzzcocks
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Love hurts - Nazareth  
> The boys of Summer - Don Henley
> 
> I love each and every one of you who made it so far <3 Stay tuned next week for the epilogue!


	17. Epilogue

When the alarm rings, Remus pretends he does not hear it for a few seconds. He was in the middle of a pleasant dream and is not at all in the mood to wake up and face reality.

 

The sound this small yet devilish device emanates is shrill beyond all reason, though, and so he has no choice but to grudgingly turn it off and sit up on his bed.

 

He wishes he could spend this rainy morning at home, but much to his chagrin, he has to attend a lecture in approximately an hour and a half.

 

_ Well, at least it’s Thursday. The week is almost over. _

 

Not that Remus doesn’t love his university, of course. Studying literature has always been his dream, and although he was afraid it might not live up to his high expectations, that was not the case. He enjoys every single moment of every lecture, he does well in every class and he has a group of friends he appreciates and loves. All in all, life is good for Remus Lupin.

 

It’s just that, before eight o'clock, he doesn’t care about any of that. All he wants is to sleep more.

 

Without being quite conscious of what he’s doing, he gets up from his bed and stumbles to the small bathroom adjoining his bedroom. He does his business, washes his face, brushes his teeth and heads to the kitchen to start making coffee.

 

His flat consists of three rooms: a tiny living room equipped with two armchairs and a coffee table; one of its walls serves as a kitchenette with a small fridge and a stove; his bedroom, the biggest room in the house, which contains a double bed and a closet, and the bathroom.

 

Remus loves his tiny flat a lot: He doesn’t need a lot of space anyway, and it gives him a  sense of liberty and independence he never had up until that point.

 

He starts up the coffee machine, and while he waits for the dark, aromatic liquid to be produced, he puts his books in his worn brown bag and chooses the clothes he’s going to wear. Today it’s a white sweater, brown pants, and his usual boots. 

 

When the coffee is ready, he sits on one armchair in the living room and sips it slowly, while staring outside his window at the rain. He doesn’t have anything to read, and maybe that’s just as well: last time he opened a newspaper it was two months ago, and an alarming article about a “gay plague” killing men in the U.S. chilled him to his bones. He hasn’t touched a newspaper since.

 

After he swallows the last, now cold sip, he gets dressed, glances at his watch, exits the house and walks to the bus stop, protected by his frail umbrella. He is going to have to buy a new one soon.

 

The bus arrives at eight-thirty, like every morning, and he makes himself comfortable in his seat for the impending twenty-minute ride.

 

During the eighteen months he’s lived in London so far, this bus has become an integral part of his routine. He feels like he’s been taking it all his life.

 

It’s not just the bus: he’s adjusted to his London life with remarkable ease, in spite of his fears that he would find the transition from living in a small village to living in a Metropolis difficult.

 

The noise does not bother him, he loves the big buildings and the monuments, and he finds the vastness and facelessness of the city refreshing rather than unsettling.

 

Of course, there’s moments when he misses Fenneltown, the bookshop, his cats and (mostly) his parents, but overall, he is very happy to have moved here.

 

He idly follows the raindrops’ path on the glass as he daydreams, and his stop comes before he knows it. He and some other students, whom he greets with a nod, descend.

 

The University rises before his eyes, tall, white, and imposing. When he first laid eyes on this beautiful building with its doric pillars, its austere windows and its dome, he froze in his tracks in awe; even now, during his fourth semester, he still isn’t quite used to it.

 

Very few students are standing on the grassy area outside, due to the rain that has started getting heavier. Remus glances at his watch. His class starts in ten minutes. 

 

He walks through the corridors to the second floor where his lecture hall is, occasionally saying hello to familiar faces he crosses paths with. Although he very certainly is still not a social butterfly, his friendships and acquaintances are considerably more now than they were in Fenneltown. In addition to his main group of friends, many people who don’t know him well seem to like him.

 

Unfortunately, while he’s climbing the stairs, he comes face to face with Robert. They can’t pretend not to see each other, as they usually do, from a distance so close, and so they nod awkwardly and go their separate ways.

 

Robert is a third-year archaeology student, and also Remus’ ex-boyfriend. Their relationship lasted for a total of six months, from April to September of their first year. Robert is an intelligent, good-mannered, attractive lad with baby-blue eyes, blonde hair and pale skin.

 

They met through common acquaintances last February, got closer and closer with time, and eventually got together.

 

It’s not like something went wrong in their relationship, exactly: they were always respectful and tender with each other. It’s just that… there was a spark missing. Even during the first few months, they passed more time debating on whether Socrates’ personality was accurately described by Plato, than kissing and shagging, and though Remus regarded Robert with love and tenderness, he certainly wasn’t  _ in _ love with him.

 

By the third month, they had both understood that what they had could not go very far, but they stayed together for the sake of convenience. They still enjoyed each other’s company, despite the lack of emotion.

 

However, after they spent the summer holidays apart, Robert finally suggested that they go their separate ways. Remus agreed with immense relief and only a small pang of regret, concerning the physical part he was going to miss. Although they were never that passionate, they always had a good time. Plus, Robert was more experienced and had led him to paths he’d never trod before.

 

All in all, though, he’s glad that this relationship is now over, although since then, he hasn’t had any luck with anyone.

 

The auditorium is almost packed when he enters, but he does not worry. His friends always save him a seat. He encounters them in the middle row. Jasmine waves at him.

 

He sits beside her while the rest of them greet him unanimously.

 

“Why the long face?” Michael asks him from two seats over.

 

“Just didn’t sleep well.” He doesn’t tell him that the real reason is because he ran into Robert in the hallway, of course. He hasn’t found the courage to come out to his friends just yet, although he’s sure they already know; it was very obvious that he and Robert were an item.

 

After all, Nick, the third boy in their group, is quite obviously gay as well, Michael wouldn’t mind at all, and neither would Sarah or Jasmine. Even so, it being implied is one thing; finding the courage to actually admit it to them is another.

 

Their group of five formed in the first months of uni: Remus met Jasmine on the first week, and a little afterwards they made conversation with Sarah, when they sat next to her by chance during a lecture. Through her, they met Michael and his best friend Nick, who went to the same school as her.

 

Jasmine is a short, black-haired girl of Asian descent, born and raised in London. She has a pragmatic nature, but at the same time loves romanticism and poetry, and makes the best biscuits Remus has ever tasted. Sarah is a red-haired, blue-eyed, eloquent girl who studies literature only because it’s what her parents wanted: her true passion lies in theatre. She is a constant source of terrific screenwriting ideas and a brilliant actress: she has become the theatre club’s most valuable contributor in no time.

 

Nick is a tall, gangly, brown-haired, very clever (and very loud) guy, the social one of the group. He loves to go partying and drinking with every given opportunity, and is always a tad more dogmatic than he should be in his opinions. Underneath all that, though, he is a softie, try as he might to hide it.

 

And lastly, there’s Michael. Michael is a criminally attractive guy: he’s tall, almost as tall as Nick, but somehow in a much more graceful way than the latter is; he has long, curly blond hair, angles that make you think you could cut yourself touching them, and piercing blue eyes. 

 

Many a girl on campus have dreamily sighed when they laid eyes on him, but he pays mind to none of them, always distant and aloof. He just goes everywhere Nick goes, witnessing his shenanigans with bemusement and picking him up whenever he drinks too much and loses control at parties (which is very often).

 

During the first months, Michael talked very little to them, and Remus assumed he was in the group only because Nick was. Slowly, though, he started being more participative and it soon became apparent that he actually enjoys their company. He possesses a delightfully sarcastic sense of humour as well as a refreshing point of view on many subjects.

 

Remus has been harbouring the suspicion that Nick and Michael are a couple. Although they haven’t done anything explicit, the way they move around each other and the fleeting touches they share indicate a familiarity that overpasses that of two good friends.

 

Then again, Remus might just be imagining things.

 

They don’t have time to say much else before the lecture starts. Mercifully, it’s a lecture on Shakespeare, which keeps them awake, at least. Last year, they had to endure Medieval Literature in the morning hours. It was particularly hard to keep one’s eye open.

 

The two hours they spend analysing  _ The Tempest _ are over before Remus knows it. They gather their belongings and exit the hall, having half an hour to kill until the next lecture.

 

The rain has stopped for now, and they step outside so that Nick and Sarah can smoke. The clouds are a lighter shade of grey, and a few rays of sun even manage to pierce through.

 

“So, are any of you free on Saturday evening?” Sarah asks as she rolls her cigarette. “I found this great post-modern play, if you’re interested.”

 

“Nope,” Nick answers. “I’m going to the opening of this new club, in Soho.”

 

“I’m going with him,” Michael adds.

 

“Of course you are,” Sarah sighs. “Remus, Jasmine, what about you?”

 

“Well, actually I can’t,” Jasmine says in turn. “I have a wedding to attend with my parents and I don’t think I’ll make it.”

 

“A wedding? I thought we were at the age when parents can’t oblige us to attend weddings anymore,” Nick scoffs.

 

“Well, actually, it’s the wedding of my childhood best friend, Lily, who is our age.”

 

“What?! She’s getting married at twenty?” Michael exclaims. “Why on earth would she do that?”

 

“She got pregnant. Funnily enough, at the same time as her sister. Although her sister is a few years older, and already married.”

 

“Oh, God.”

 

“Yes, my reaction exactly when she told me. To be honest, she was the last person I expected this to happen to. She was always so… organised and careful.”

 

“Come on Jas, that’s not fair,” Remus says. “Accidents can happen to anyone.”

 

Jasmine sighs. “Yeah, you’re probably right. And besides, she seems quite happy about it all.”

 

“Happy about having an unplanned pregnancy at that age?” Sarah exclaims in disbelief.

 

“Well, she is, believe it or not. And to think that she never seemed like the type whose biggest dream was to get married and have children. She was always very career-oriented. Then again.... I suppose people change. We haven’t been in contact much since she started high school.”

 

“How come? Did you have a fallout?”

 

“No, nothing of the sort. Lily just earned a scholarship at this posh boarding school and I went to state school. After that, I saw her only on Christmases and summer holidays. She actually met her future husband at that very school.”

 

“High school sweethearts, huh? How cliché,” Nick scoffs.

 

“Wait. It gets even more cliché than that. The guy had been pursuing her for years, very insistently, but she’d been rejecting him time and time again. Lily told me he was kind of an arse when he was younger. But slowly, she started warming up to him, and they got together in their final year.”

 

“Dear Lord, what is this, an Austen novel?”

 

“See? Those things happen in real life too! Anyway, I met the lad, at a dinner her family hosted to celebrate the engagement, and he made a good impression on me, so there’s that at least. When they finished high school, they applied to the same university to be together, he to study medicine, she chemistry. And four months ago, she got pregnant.”   
  


“So she’ll have to abandon her studies, right? Poor girl,” Michael says.

 

“Yes, and it’s a shame, because she had a real passion for chemistry. Though she told me she intends on finishing them once the baby’s older. All in all, her situation isn't as bad as it could have been. As I told you, her boyfriend is very nice and it shows that he’s head over heels for her. He’d been looking at her like she hung the moon the whole time. Plus, the Potters are very rich, both doctors, like their son will be. They will financially support them with everything.”

 

At the mention of the name Potter, a shot of terrible agitation courses through Remus. A girl named Lily, who went to boarding school with a boy named Potter, who pursued her while she rejected him for years… Could it be? No, the world isn’t that small. It can’t be.

 

He takes a shaky breath, then asks: “Uh… Jas… what did you say the first name of Lily’s fiancé is?”

 

“I didn’t say. But his name’s James.”

 

_ Oh God. Oh God. No, it can’t be… _

 

“And,” he’s breathing with difficulty now, “what is the name of the school Lily went to?”

 

“Hogwarts. Weird name, right?”

 

Remus audibly gasps, feeling like his heart is going to break out of his chest any minute now.

 

“Remus, lad, are you alright?” Michael asks him with concern.

 

“Yes I’m… I’m fine.” He pauses again, trying to assemble the thoughts in his panicking mind to make a final question. “Uh… Jas…” he lets out with difficulty, “this might seem like a strange question, but… do you know who the best man is going to be?”

 

“Oh, yes, actually. I met him too, at the same dinner I met James. His name’s Sirius and he’s James’ best friend. Well, more like a brother, actually. He, too, went to Hogwarts with the two of them.”

 

Remus barely has time to support himself on Michael’s shoulder before his knees buckle and he almost falls down.

 

“For Christ’s sake Remus? What’s wrong?”

 

“Are you feeling alright?”

 

“Have you eaten?”

 

The chorus of his friends’ worried question fades into the background.

 

Sirius.

 

_ Sirius. _

 

Sirius, who he needed over a year to get over, Sirius, who he spent almost every waking moment in Fenneltown reminiscing about, even after the pain of the separation had subsided.

 

Sirius whom, during his first months in London he thought he saw everywhere, for whom he was scanning every crowd in hopes to see his face, for whom he visited London’s most notorious gay bars, in hopes of finding him.

 

Sirius whom, after realising how huge London is and how slim the chances were of ever finding him, if he even  _ lived _ in London anymore, he mourned for a second time, going through a period of grief less sharp that the first one, but equally painful.

 

Sirius, with whom he compared everything during his relationship with Robert, finding it lacking, wondering if it was just his mind romanticising his first love, only to conclude that no, it wasn’t that. His and Sirius’ bond was just that special.

 

Sirius whom, four years after saying goodbye to, he had finally managed to think about only during the dark hours of the night with a weight in his chest.

 

Sirius was an acquaintance of one of his best friends. It’s not possible.

 

He comes to himself abruptly, and tries to calm his friends down. “Don’t worry, I’m alright, I’m fine.”

 

“You don’t seem it, mate.” Nick looks at him with worry in his eyes, and he realises he must offer some sort of explanation to them.

 

“It’s just that I was a bit shocked.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Well, I actually know James and Sirius.”

 

“What? How do you know them?” Jasmine asks in surprise.

 

“I met them in the summer of ‘78. They spent the holidays in Fenneltown and we became friends.” He tries not to shiver from the wave of memories that floods his mind.

 

“Really? My God. It is a small world indeed,” Jasmine observes. “And haven’t you seen them since?”

 

“No.”

 

“Didn’t you keep in contact?”

 

“Well, not really. They were at school and I was so far away, it was hard, you know.” Remus can’t of course offer them the real reason why he didn’t keep in contact with them. Fortunately, his explanation seems sufficient to them.

 

“Oh, I know!” Jasmine exclaims all of a sudden. “Why don’t you come to the wedding? You can be my plus one and meet them again!”

 

“What?” This prospect hadn’t even crossed Remus’ mind. He starts trembling again. “Are-are you sure? What about your parents?”

 

“They have their own invitations, silly. Come. It will be more fun with you, anyway.”

 

“Alright then, thank you, Jas.” He concentrates really hard on not letting his legs give in again.

 

***

 

He spends the rest of that day and Friday in a constant state of shock and panic. He doesn’t register the lectures, doesn’t register when his friends talk to him, and does everything automatically, not being able to focus.

 

His friends repeatedly ask him if he’s alright with worried looks, but he can only nod distractedly.

 

He is going to meet Sirius again. Four years later, he is going to set sight on the boy he loved, on the boy that played a huge part in shaping who he is today.

 

He is not even excited. He is consumed by blind, sheer  _ terror. _

 

What if Sirius isn’t happy to see him again? What if he doesn’t even recognise him? What if he’s with someone else? What if he’s become someone else, in the four years that have passed?

 

Part of him knows that most of these doubts aren’t rational, but he cannot help himself. He cannot think clearly.

 

He even contemplates not going to the wedding, but he knows that if he doesn’t he’s going to regret it for the rest of his life. This freakish coincidence almost seems like the product of divine intervention, if, of course, there is a God that would help two ex-lovers of the same sex reunite. Either way, he can’t waste the opportunity.

 

He avoids asking Jasmine for more details on Sirius, too scared of what she might tell him.

 

He searches in his limited wardrobe for something suitable for a wedding, and finds a grey suit-piece he reserves for special occasions. It is his father’s and does not fit him very well, but it’s all he has.

 

He spends Friday night tossing and turning in his bed, his thoughts running wild. A mean voice inside his head tells him that it’s foolish of him to think that someone like Sirius will pay any heed to him four years later. Back when they were sixteen, he was discovering himself and experimenting. But now, he probably won’t care much. He will be with someone else, and even if he isn’t, why would he still be interested in him?

 

Of course, on a rational level, he knows these thoughts are absurd. He and Sirius cared for each other on a deep level, though they were together for so little time and even if Sirius is with someone else, he will still be glad to see him. But try as he might to rationalise his panicked thoughts, they return to this vicious circle of anxiety and insecurity.

 

In the end, he succumbs to sleep from exhaustion after hours of agitation.

 

When his alarm rings on Saturday morning, there is a blissful second during which his mind is blank, and then he remembers everything and his heart starts beating so fast that he puts a hand on his chest in agony.

 

He barely wills himself to swallow a cracker with strawberry jam, only because he knows that if he doesn’t, he’ll be very hungry later on. He puts on his suit and, for lack of a better thing to do, he taps his feet while he stares at the wall.

 

The wedding is at twelve o'clock, at St. Mary’s, a church close to the upscale neighbourhood where the Potters live. He’s passed by that luxurious neighbourhood once or twice, because it’s close to the centre and he’s admired the big, posh houses, the clean streets and the huge green parks. He had thought that this would be the sort of place where the Potters and the Blacks live. Turns out he was right.

 

He spends the time pacing back and forth in the living room, still struggling to believe that any of this is real. He tries to psych himself up to find the courage to go, but at the same time quash the hopes that can’t help but form in his head.

 

One look at the clock on the wall tells him he’s lost track of time. It’s already eleven-thirty. He grabs his things and rapidly descends the stairs, running towards the bus stop, when the bus passes by him. He panics for a brief moment before he remembers that Jasmine informed him that he could also take the tube, and dashes to the nearest metro station, a five-minute walk. If he runs, he can make it there in two.

 

He has memorised that second route just in case something happened with the bus, and now his prudence has come in handy. Unfortunately, though, the waits are longer during the weekend, and he also has to change lines. In the end, he emerges from the station at just twelve o’ clock.

 

The church is visible from there, and he takes off for it. He hopes Lily isn’t very punctual, as he enters the churchyard. He slows down in relief when he sees that the last guests are still entering the church.

 

Thankfully there is no bridal car in sight. Nevertheless, he hurries his step a tad, so as not to enter on his own.

 

He catches up with the last lady at the door, and then looks anxiously for Jasmine at the bride’s side of the seats as soon as he enters. He gapes a little at the sea of guests, who must be well over two hundred. Before he has a chance to get anxious over finding Jasmine, he spots her waving at him very near the aisle towards the back. He approaches her and takes the seat she indicates him.

 

“Finally! I was worried you wouldn’t make it on time!” she scolds.“These are my parents. Mum, dad, this is Remus.” Remus shakes hands with Jasmine’s parents, who say they’re pleased to meet him.

 

“Big church, huh? The Potters don’t do things by halves. And look at all those guests!”

 

Remus raises his head to observe the interior of the building for the first time, marveling at its imposing décor. His gaze travels through the sea of guests all the way to the front of the church.

 

And then he sees them.

 

In front of the altar, next to the waiting priest, stands a visibly anxious James, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He can’t see him very well from that distance, but it’s unmistakably him.

 

His gaze rests on him for no more than three seconds, at any rate.

 

Because next to him, there’s Sirius.

 

His vision blurs for a split-second, then focuses again.

 

It really is him. It’s Sirius.

 

His hair is still long, gathered in an elegant bun. He wears a black suit similar, but not identical to James’. He stands there with his hands crossed and leans to whisper conspiratorially in James’ ear, who cracks up a smile.

 

He is even more stunning than any of his fantasies could ever make him. Sixteen-year old Sirius was beautiful.

 

Twenty-year old Sirius is nothing short of  _ gorgeous. _

 

And he is no child anymore; he is a man. 

 

Remus had been preparing himself for the moment he would set eyes on him for two days now, but he might as well have not. His brain feels like it’s made of liquid. His heart is in his throat.

 

And that’s just by seeing him from a distance. He cannot imagine how he’ll react if he sees him from up close, or talks to him.

 

He keeps his eyes glued on him, tracking his every movement. Sirius has put a hand on a fidgety James’ shoulder, trying to reassure him, although Remus can sense he himself is nervous too.

 

He aches to go closer, see him clearer. He is equal parts desperate and terrified.

 

After what feels like one second but could just as well be an eternity, the guests rise from their seats. Remus hastens to do the same.

 

First enters a cute little girl, throwing white and pink rose petals on the floor. After her, a beautiful blonde girl, the same age as Lily, wearing an elegant cream dress.

 

“That’s the maid of honour, Carole,” Jasmine whispers to Remus. “She’s Lily’s best friend from school.”

 

Directly after her enters Lily, escorted by a smiling grey-haired man who must no doubt be her father. Lily is clad in a simple but beautiful wedding gown with intricate lace finishings. Her pregnant belly can be seen slightly protruding.

 

Lily’s hair is fiery red, her skin is white as alabaster, and with her dreamy dress and bouquet of equally white flowers in her hands, she looks like an ethereal angel. She is practically glowing.

 

She advances towards James, who looks like he is about to burst out crying any moment. Sirius has a big beautiful smile on his face. Finally, Lily reaches James, and they both turn towards the priest, who commences the ceremony.

 

With all his Sirius-related panic, Remus failed to truly realise that James is getting married. Not only that, but James is getting married to his high-school love. Who is pregnant with his child.

 

The very same James Potter who climbed rocks while drunk out of his mind and constantly spilled yoghurt on himself in Fenneltown, is going to be a  _ husband _ and a  _ father. _

 

_ Wow. _

 

Lily and James say their vows, exchange rings and in the end give one very long, very spectacular kiss. Sirius and quite a few members of the audience, Remus included, hoot and applaud enthusiastically.

 

Although the circumstances were a bit forced, Remus has a feeling this union will truly last.

 

While the bride and groom officiate the wedding, the guests slowly exit the church, grabbing a handful of rice from baskets two girls hold at the entrance. Remus exits with Jasmine and her parents, taking care to hide behind some people while they wait for the newlyweds to come out, just in case Sirius decides to exit the church.

 

He has not gathered up the courage to face him yet. Plus, this wouldn’t be the right moment.

 

Sirius comes out a few minutes later and strikes up a happy conversation with a couple who he is sure are Mr. and Mrs. Potter. The man, in particular, is a spitting image of James. He is quite far from where Remus is standing and does not take one look in his direction. Remus turns his attention to him again, while Jasmine and her parents talk to each other.

 

Seeing Sirius’ bright smile again, the good mood he radiates, lifts his own spirits as well. He can feel a smitten smile start forming on his lips.

 

James and Lily finally exit the church, and are immediately bombarded with raw rice from all sides. James is holding his glasses (the same ones he’s always had) against his face and Lily is covering her head with her hands, but they’re both laughing in exhilaration. Remus’ heart is filled with joy at seeing them so happy.

 

“Thank you all for coming,” James announces happily once the bombarding is over. “You can now proceed to the reception venue, which is over there.” He points to an elegant white building right next to the church. “We will see you shortly.”

 

Quite a few people - the ones closest to the couple, Remus is guessing - swarm around them to offer their congratulations. Jasmine’s parents seek the Potters.

 

“Well, let’s head to the reception, then,” Jasmine suggests cheerfully. “My stomach is rumbling.”

 

“I am accounted for, right?” Remus nervously asks.

 

“Yes, Rem, I already told you, I phoned Lily on Thursday and told her I’d bring a plus one.”

 

“Sorry. It’s just that I’m very nervous.”

 

“I can tell. Don’t you want to try and speak to James or Sirius?”

 

Just the suggestion is enough to make Remus swallow nervously. “Well...” he chances a hasty glance their way, “I think they’re quite busy now. I’d better talk to them at the reception.”

 

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Jasmine concedes. “Let’s go.”

 

Remus feels a wave of temporary relief, but knows that he can’t delay this forever. The dreadful moment is approaching.

 

For now, though, he heads to the hall with Jasmine, daring to fleetingly look towards Sirius one more time and managing to see a flash of his smiling eyes before he turns his back.

 

He blows a trembling puff of air and crosses the street to the venue. A few guests have already started entering. A few marble steps lead them to a door adorned with white ribbons. A polite woman takes note of everyone’s names and informs them of the table number they’ll be sitting at.

 

After passing through a corridor where a waiter is offering glasses of champagne (Remus swallows his in one sip), they enter the reception hall.

 

It is quite large, with a polished wooden floor and about twenty tables positioned around a surface that will undoubtedly serve as the dancefloor. The bridal table is the only rectangle one, the others being round. They all have a bouquet of white flowers on them, continuing the theme of the church decoration. 

 

Remus and Jasmine are on table twelve, mercifully quite far from the bridal one. A few meters behind them, large windows and a door give into a big garden, probably serving for outdoor events.

 

They take their seats. Remus curiously observes everyone that comes in, trying to guess their relationship with James and Lily. Jasmine supplies him with information in the few cases she has it. 

 

“That’s Lily sister, Petunia, and her husband, Vernon,” Jasmine whispers to him as a very skinny, brown-haired woman, whose huge belly looks humongous in comparison to her bony body, enters accompanied by a very fat man. Their looks are so sour that you’d think they’ve swallowed a whole lemon.

 

“I’ve always hated Petunia. She was such a bitch, ever since we were little. And always jealous of Lily. She accused Lily of getting pregnant to overshadow her  _ own _ pregnancy. Can you believe that?”

 

“Jesus Christ.” Remus cannot fathom how two people with the same mother and father can be so different. He frowns at Petunia and her husband, who take their seats close to the bridal table, but not at it, with equal expressions of disdain. Remus pities the poor child that will be born of their union.

 

“Anyway, beautiful wedding, wasn’t it?” Jasmine changes topic. “You can tell that James and Lily really love each other.”

 

“I think they were meant to be together,” Remus agrees. “You know, even back in ‘78, James would go on and on about how Lily was his one true love, and that was before she had even given him the time of the day! Sirius and I thought it was an obsession that he was being ridiculous, but thankfully, we were wrong.” He feels a smile form at the reminiscence of these fond memories.

 

“Were you good friends, you and Sirius?” Remus panics a tad at this question and tries to search into Jasmine’s eyes to see if there is any suspicion of the truth. Her expression is completely innocent, though.

 

“Well… yes, you could say that. James was too busy with a girlfriend he’d found at the time and Peter, that other friend of ours, he followed James everywhere. So yes, we spent a fair amount of time by ourselves.” Remus isn’t exactly lying, but he’s dangerously close to it. James wasn’t half as busy with Sharon as Sirius and him were with each other. But of course he can’t just tell his friend that.

 

The hall is slowly but steadily filling up. Jasmine’s parents wave at them but go sit at a different table. A few girls sit at theirs, some of them with boys. Remus introduces himself to them and learns their relation to the couple. He realises this is a “Lily’s-not-from-school-friends” kind of table. They make small talk over the wedding.

 

“There he is!” Jasmine suddenly interrupts something Remus has been saying to point towards Sirius, who is currently entering the hall with the Potters, the Evanses, and Lily’s maid of honour.

 

“Don’t point!” Remus panickedly whispers while unconsciously trying to hide himself behind the plant on the table.

 

“Why not? Maybe then he’ll see you and you’ll be able to talk! In fact why don’t you go talk to him now? It’s a good opportunity! I reckon it will be some time before James and Lily arrive.”

 

“What? Now? No, I… absolutely not. Look! He’s talking! I wouldn’t want to interrupt him!”

 

Jasmine sighs in exasperation. “Remus, why are you so afraid of speaking to him?”

 

“What? I’m not afraid! I just don’t want to annoy anybody!” he protests, terror oozing out of his every pore.

 

“I don’t think you will. Come on, nothing terrible will happen! You’ll go to him, he’ll probably recognise you, and I’m sure he’ll be very happy since you were such good friends! And then later, you’ll go talk to James too!”

 

He cannot quite explain to Jasmine that it’s not that simple, that he and Sirius were more, much more than friends and so he answers with a curt “Please don’t pressure me, Jas, I’ll speak to him later.”

 

Mercifully, Jasmine does not insist further, and they resume their conversations with the other guests.

 

Of course, Remus can barely focus on them, because Sirius is in the room, and he has eyes for him, and him only.

 

He can observe him from a closer distance now, and he drinks in every little motion of his, feeling the unmistakable ache to be nearer, much nearer to him, rise within him again. He tries to quash it, insisting that it’s too early to permit himself this, but the ache is much, much stronger than any reasoning he tries to tame it with.

 

Jasmine makes one or two attempts to include him in the conversation, but his eyes can stay away from Sirius for only so much time. At some point, she gives up and leaves him to his own devices.

 

Suddenly, the lights dim slightly, and everyone’s attention is directed at the entrance. The notes of a piano intro fill the air, just as Lily and James enter the hall, hand in hand. 

 

_ “My love, there's only you in my life/ The only thing that's bright,”  _ a male voice starts singing. Lily and James head towards the dancefloor.

 

_ “My first love/ You're every breath that I take/ You're every step I make,”  _ a female voice answers. Lily and James stand in the middle of the floor and start dancing slowly.

 

_ “Two hearts/Two hearts that beat as one/ Our lives have just begun,”  _ the voices sing in unison and Lily puts her head on James’ arms. 

 

From the corner of his eye, Remus can see that Sirius is subtly wiping his eyes.

 

Remus observes the newlyweds transfixed, wishing that someday he himself might be as in love as they are.

 

_ “I know I know/ I've found, I've found in you/ My endless love,”  _ the duet concludes and Lily and James stand there, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

 

Once the last note of the song has faded, the crowd breaks into cheering applause. Lily and James lift their heads and giggle, taking a small bow.

 

They take their seats at the bridal table, after Sirius hugs them both tightly. James and Lily sit next to each other, Sirius and the Potters on James’ right, and Lily’s parents on her left.

 

“Right then,” James rubs his hands. “Let’s eat, I’m famished!” The waiters and waitresses start distributing the first dish, a salmon fillet that smells deliciously, along with some expensive-looking champagne. Remus is quite hungry himself and devours it like a wolf.

 

Next, there is a delicious mushroom risotto that also tastes like heaven. For a while, Remus forgets everything save the food he has in front of him.

 

He’s finished sooner than everyone else, though, and this means the nerves kick in again. He almost instantly regrets consuming his food so fast because his stomach starts turning.

 

The sound of something clinking against crystal draws his attention to its source, which is none other than Sirius, tapping a fork against a champagne glass. He has risen up from his seat, smiling slightly nervously.

 

“Estimated invites,” he calls out, and his voice, although slightly lower than the last time Remus heard it, fills him with a sense of familiarity. “I apologise for not letting you swallow your last bite before molesting your ears with my ramblings, but I must admit I was quite nervous about this speech.”

 

James directs a smile full of love at him, that warms Remus’ heart.

 

“Although there was, of course, no doubt as to who would be James’ best man on this joyous occasion, I confess, to my shame, that the fact that a speech had to be given dawned on me only very recently. The realisation was, of course, followed by ample panic.”

 

A few laughs from the audience.

 

“While one would expect that my panic was because I didn’t know what to say, as a matter of fact, the cause was the exact opposite. I didn’t know what  _ not _ to say. How could I choose from a ten-year friendship filled with so many memories, so much love, so much devotion?”

A pause.

 

“After quite a bit of brain wrecking, I realised it would be impossible, and so I will speak about Lily and James only. After all, I have quite a lot to say on that department as well.”

 

His mischievous smile is directed at the couple. James widens his eyes in panic.

 

“As far as James and I are concerned, I think it suffices to say that he has been there for me through every situation imagineable, and I know I’m not exaggerating when I say that he is not a friend anymore; he is my brother, just like Euphemia and Fleamont are, to me, a mother and a father.”

 

He turns to look at them with a look full of adoration, which they return with loving smiles.

 

“But anyway! Enough with the sappiness! Back to Lily and James!” he turns towards them and pats an emotional James in the back.

 

“James’ first interaction with Lily happened when we were twelve years old. James and I were quite the pranksters at school, you see, and on that fateful day we had decided that stealing the knickers of every girl in our house dorm was an ingenious idea.”

 

Sporadic laughter again.

 

“Not one of our finest moments, I must admit. We thought that everyone would be dining in the hall, and so we entered the girls’ dorm fearlessly.’

 

‘Just as we were really getting into the knicker-hoarding, though, a shriek - which belonged to none other than our lovely Lily - made our blood freeze.” 

 

Lily is looking at Sirius like she is trying very hard not to be amused by his narration.

 

“‘What are you doing here, you perverts?!’ she shrieked, wearing her night robe, with her hair shaped like a falcon’s nest. ‘You should be ashamed of yourselves!’ Needless to say, we stood frozen at our spot, not expecting that Lily was sick and in bed instead of the hall. While we were staring at her like gaping fish, a bunch of knickers on each of our hands, she started yelling in earnest. ‘Potter, Black, you entitled idiots! Put those down and get out of here before I call the headmaster, you insufferable bastards!’” Sirius mimics again. 

 

“She called us a great many things that day, most of which it would be best not to mention at her wedding reception. We dropped the knickers like hot potatoes and left the girls’ dorm running. I, myself, after the shock had worn off, was furious that she had ruined our grand plan, and expressed my disdain to James.’

 

‘James didn’t answer me, however. He had a look in his eyes akin to that of a blind man who’s finally seen the light. ‘James? Are you alright, mate?’ I asked him, full of concern. ‘I’m in love with Lily Evans,’ was all he could answer back.”

 

“At first, I thought he was playing a prank on me and tried to laugh it off. He almost slapped me. ‘I’m not joking! I’m proper in love!’ he whined. ‘Just you wait and see. I’m gonna marry her someday.’ I thought my friend had lost his marbles, but as you can see, ladies and gentlemen, James meant every word. I personally thought that getting Lily to like him was an impossible feat, because - though, to my shame, I spent many years disliking her - I always knew one thing: that Lily is a woman with common sense. Of course, this perception I had of her shattered the moment she agreed to go on a date with James.”

 

More laughter from the audience.

 

“Well, the rest, as they say, is history. My best friend and the girl who turned him down in a hundred different ways in the course of six whole years, are about to spend the rest of their lives together. I would say such things only happen in fairy tales, only this couple in front of you is proof that fairy tales do come true sometimes. And I couldn’t be happier that they do.’

 

‘I have no doubt in my mind that, though they marry young, James’ and Lily’s union will last forever, because his adoration for her can only be matched by her love for him. They will be exemplary spouses and amazing parents. I can only hope I’ll be by their side throughout their journey to admire them, support them, and babysit the little one when they want a night out. James, Lily, I love you to bits, and, with all of my heart, I wish you every happiness in the world.” He raises his glass. “To Lily and James!”

 

The crowd echoes his words and drinks. Before Sirius can do the same, James assaults him with a crushing hug. “I love you, man,” Remus can hear him say.

 

“You made my mascara run, idiot,” Lily tells him with a voice full of tenderness once her husband pulls back.

 

“Aww, sorry Lils,” Sirius chuckles, before he and Lily hug as well.

 

Remus has very nearly cried himself while hearing Sirius’ speech. He is filled with adoration for the beautiful man who delivered it.

 

“What a beautiful speech,” Jasmine says, to which Remus can only nod. 

 

“Very moving,” he answers, his voice slightly hoarse.

 

A few, shorter speeches ensue, from Lily’s maid of honour, the Evanses and the Potters. When Fleamont is done with his, the bride and groom get up with their champagne glasses and greet the guests, starting from the table closest to theirs.

 

Panic seizes Remus. This is it. There’s no avoiding this anymore. Once they get to their table, it will be time to face James.

 

He has his eyes glued on James and Lily who, it seems to him, progress slower than death itself.

 

After a long time, they’re finished with the table next to them and walk towards theirs.

 

Remus takes a fortifying breath.

 

Lily starts her greetings with the ones closest to her, and then moves on to Jasmine and Remus. James is not paying much attention since these are not his relatives, visibly tired after ten tables worth of greetings.

 

“Congratulations, Lils!” Jasmine gets up and hugs her friend.

 

“Thank you, Jas,” she answers, muffled against her shoulder.

 

“Congratulations, James!” she raises her glass towards him.

 

“Thanks, Jasmine.” He raises his own glass in toast and smiles distractedly. Remus’ heart is in his throat at this point.

 

“Lily, let me present to you a good friend from university,” Jasmine says.

 

Lily turns to him, smiling. “Hello, I’m Lily.”

 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Remus,” he extends his hand.

 

As soon as this phrase leaves Remus’ mouth, James whips his head towards him at lightning speed. Once he sees him, he widens his eyes and his mouth hangs open.

 

“Oh my God,” he utters, his mouth still gaping.

 

“Hello, James,” is all Remus can manage to say.

 

“It’s you,” James says dumbly.

 

“You know each other?” Lily asks, puzzled.

 

“Oh my God,” James repeats. “Remus. How... how did you get here?”

 

“Well, Jasmine here is a friend of mine, and she happened to mention that she’d go to a wedding this Saturday, and from what she said I understood that it was your wedding, and well, here I am. Congratulations, by the way,” Remus says in one breath.

 

“Thank you,” James answers. “Quite a coincidence, huh?” his voice is still disbelieving. “Where do you know each other from?”

 

“From uni.”

 

“So you did end up studying literature like you wanted to, then?” James asks with a pleased smile.

 

“Yes. You remember,” Remus says, surprised.

 

“Of course I remember, idiot,” James scoffs. “Jesus, I am so glad to see you, Remus.” Remus believes him. The joy is apparent in his features.

 

“Me too, James.”

 

“James? Where do you know each other from?” Lily asks again, her tone getting impatient.

 

“Well, we met one summer on hol-” he stops dead, as if struck by thunder. “Wait a minute. Does... does Sirius know you’re here?” he asks frantically.

 

“Well, no actually, I… I didn’t have the courage to speak to him. I didn’t know if he’d be glad to see me.”

 

This sentence makes James widen his eyes more. “What? Didn’t know if he’d be glad to see you? Are you an idiot? Of course he’ll be glad to see you!” he answers with a sense of urgency, chancing a glance towards the bridal table where Sirius is sitting. “I am bringing him here right now.”

 

“What, now? But…”

 

“Shut up. I am not hearing a word. I’m going to fetch him.”

 

“Alright,” is all Remus can say, his voice small with fear.

 

“But seriously, Remus, man, it’s so nice to see you.” He gives Remus a quick, tight hug. “We will talk more later, alright? There are more important matters to resolve right now.” And he takes off. Lily stares at her husband in confusion, and Jasmine attempts to explain to her where Remus and him know each other from from the little that she knows. Remus is too terrified to speak.

 

He helplessly watches James as he goes back to the bridal table and taps on Sirius’ shoulder, while he’s conversing with the Potters. Sirius is not very pleased to have been interrupted like this and puts up some resistance, but James really insists, practically pulling him out of his chair.

 

“Oh, Christ,” Remus murmurs, feeling with all his body the urge to flee, but simultaneously not being able to move a single muscle.

 

Sirius lifts his hands as a sign of surrender, and gets up to follow James towards their table.

 

Time seems to move in slow motion, as James and Sirius approach closer and closer. Sirius is asking James something Remus can’t hear over the ringing in his ears.

 

Finally, they come to a stop in front of him.

 

Sirius’ gaze lands on him.

 

His eyes widen.

 

“Remus?” he asks in a voice that’s barely above a whisper.

 

“Hi,” Remus says and gets up from his seat.

 

Sirius opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it again.

 

Remus feels like he might faint any minute now.

 

They stand still, staring at each other, at a loss for words.

 

Remus roams his eyes all over Sirius’ face, at his hair, his lips, his grey eyes that have appeared in his dreams time and time again.

 

He cannot even breathe.

 

“Lads?” James says tentatively and Remus snaps out of his mesmerism to see him and Lily looking at them. Lily frowns at them like she’s trying to figure something out.“Why don’t you go to the garden and talk in privacy?”

 

“Yes, uh… good idea,” Remus says, feeling infinitely grateful for James’ intervention.

 

“I...” Sirius turns towards the couple. “Would this be alright with you?”

 

“Yes, you arse, I suggested it didn’t I? Now off you go,” James urges them. “There’s a door over there.”

 

Sirius nods, and with one fleeting look towards Remus, to see if he’s on the same page, he heads to the indicated door. 

 

Remus gives a sign of thank you to James, who smiles at them like a proud mother hen. It’s been four years, but some things haven’t changed. The thought makes Remus smile.

 

Sirius opens the door for him and makes an ‘after you’ motion. They step outside in the garden, which is quite large, with grass that looks like it needs some taking care of. 

 

They pass by a guest smoking her cigarette, who only gives them a fleeting look, and in wordless accord they walk to the far end of the garden.

 

They sit at the corner of the building, on a relatively low bench, at a distance that permits them to turn and face each other.

 

Once they have done this, the helpless silence falls over them again. Remus has a million questions he wants to ask Sirius, but cannot articulate even one.

 

“So, um… how are you?” he utters in the end.

 

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Sirius answers. “How about you?”

 

“Fine as well.”

 

A pause.

 

“Do you… do you live in London now, or…?”

 

“Yes, I do live in London, for two years now. Well, one and a half.”

 

“For university?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Literature?” 

 

“Yes,” a small smile blossoms on Remus’ face, and Sirius mirrors it.

 

“Great. This is what you were made for,” his words echo those he told him at another time and place when they were sixteen. It makes Remus’ heartbeat quicken.

 

“Yes, I quite love it, actually. Every subject is better than the previous one. And I’ve made some good friends. This is how I know Jasmine. Who is friends with Lily. And she mentioned how she was getting married to a certain James Potter and… that’s how I’m here.”

 

“Oh, yes, I did wonder about that,” Sirius smiles more widely. “Quite a coincidence, huh?”

 

“Yes. That’s what James said, too. By the way, I can’t believe he actually married Lily!”

 

“Jesus Christ, isn’t it amazing? I couldn’t believe it either when he asked her out in our final year and she said yes!” Sirius answers animatedly.

 

“Lord, I remember him raving on and on about her all summer, and now look at him!”

 

“He’s come a long way, hasn’t he?”

 

“Yes,” the ice now broken, they smile at each other fondly. Sirius’ smile is even more beautiful than he remembers it. “So how about you, then? Are you studying, or…” he trails off when he sees Sirius’ smile fall. “If you want to tell me, of course,” he hastens to add, feeling the panic within him rise.

 

“No, it’s fine, I want to tell you,” he pauses. “I’m actually not studying anything right now. I just work.”

 

“Oh,” Remus says, surprised. “As what?”

 

“These days, I repair motorcycles at a garage and work at a bar by night.”

 

“Right,” Remus does not know how to ask why he made that choice without being tactless. The Sirius he remembers had a great interest in academic learning, especially in the language department.

 

“I bet you’re wondering why I’m not studying,” Sirius guesses. Remus nods, a tad ashamed. Sirius sighs. “Well, it’s because my parents disowned me.”

 

“What?!” Remus exclaims in shock. “They did what?”

 

“Yes, they disowned me. Shortly after we parted actually,” he informs Remus with a resigned expression. “More specifically, during Christmas dinner in 1978.”

 

“But… but why?”

 

“I told them I was gay.”

 

“You did  _ what _ ?” Remus cannot believe his ears. “Why?”

 

“Well, Walburga had staged this little speech about how my grades were dropping and how much of a disgrace I was to the  _ noble and moste ancient House of Black _ ,” he mocks. “Which she gave in front of all my relatives to ridicule me. As you can imagine, I didn’t take too kindly to that. I started yelling at her, and one thing led to another, and… I told her I was gay. She told me that I had thirty minutes to pack everything I had and leave the house, and that I was no son of hers anymore, and she’d burn me off the tapestry the next day.”

 

“Jesus Christ.”

 

“But I don’t regret it, you know. I couldn’t stand her and everyone else anymore. It was just a matter of time before it happened. Good thing it did before Thatcher was elected, too. I wouldn’t stand to see them gain more influence. Anyways, now Walburga cannot exercise her terrible power over me. I am a free man! The only one of them I miss sometimes is Reg.”

 

“You don’t talk?”

 

“The only time he spoke to me after I was disinherited was when I graduated, to wish me good luck with my life. He’s too afraid to do more. He’s still under her influence.”

 

Remus feels a terrible ache in his heart. Sirius doesn’t deserve any of this.

 

“And then what did you do?”

 

“I packed my belongings as she told me and then I was out of there forever. I went straight to the Potters. I asked them if I could stay with them for a while. They took me in with open arms, bless them,” he smiles with adoration.

 

‘When we returned back to school, I told Minnie everything. Do you remember Minnie?”

 

“Yes, of course, McGonagall, the vice principal,” he doubts if there is anything he ever really forgot about Sirius.

 

“Yes. Well, I told her everything. A few days later, Walburga came to ask for my school year fees back. Minnie politely told her to fuck off, bless her soul.”

 

“As she should have.”

 

Sirius chuckles. “Yes. So that year was taken care of, but for senior year, I thought I’d have to enroll to a state school. I started searching for one, but the Potters wouldn’t hear it. They insisted that they would pay for Hogwarts. I insisted that they’d done enough already. That’s when they told me that they considered me their second son. When I heard that, I cried like a baby.”

 

Remus wants to go inside the hall and hug the Potters for all they’ve done for Sirius. He feels so grateful he’s dizzy with it.

 

“So, yes,” Sirius continues. “The Potters paid for my final year. Around that time, my uncle Alphard died, and left all of his fortune to me. It’s not much, but it allows me to pay rent in a small flat in South London, where I live with three other people. And he left me his motorcycle!”

 

“Really? That’s great!” Sirius’ childish excitement is contagious.

 

“I’ll take you for a ride someday,” Sirius suggests, and Remus’ heart beats faster at the implication that Sirius wants to see him again.

 

“Well, the Potters insisted on paying for my uni education as well, but I convinced them not to. I told them that I needed to be independent and stand on my own two feet, and when they understood I meant it, they respected it. I couldn’t bear to spend more years owing things to people. So now I may live in a shitty flat that smells like piss with three twats, but I make enough money to get by and I owe nothing to no one. And this makes me feel good.”

 

Remus can only stare at this boy who has now become a man in admiration for his courage and determination. “You’re truly remarkable,” he tells him. “You were thrown in such a difficult situation and yet you rose above it.”

 

Sirius blushes and looks at the floor. “Remarkable? I wouldn’t say so. I’m just doing what I need to get by. But anyway! Enough of my sorry tale!” he lifts his head again. “What happened to you in these four years?”

 

“Well, to tell you the truth, nothing too exciting. I finished school. I moved to London, and now I study. My parents have gathered money all of these years and I can pay rent and sustain myself with it. Peter stopped talking to me right after you two left. He made friends with Mike, Adam and that lot.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yes. I think he suspected what happened between us. When he looked at me from then on, he only gave me dirty looks.”

 

“Ugh, that little rat. I always had a bad feeling about him.”

 

“Well, what can you do,” Remus shrugs. “What else? Oh! Mum and dad are fine! They still run the bookshop.”

 

“I’m glad. I loved that little bookshop. And your parents, of course. Have you told them…”

 

“Well, no, actually. Although I believe they heavily suspect. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the courage to. I’m not as brave as you.”

 

“It’s amazing.”

 

“What is?”

 

“That four years later, you say the same stupid things.”

 

“Shut up.” Remus gives Sirius a playful shove. “Oh! Also, Alex is a published poet now!”

 

“He is?”

 

“Yes! and he has been quite successful in underground circles. Also, he’s finished his law degree and he’s doing his practice now.”

 

“Way to go for him. He’s a gifted lad.”

 

“Indeed.”

 

“So, how do you like London, then?”

 

“I love it! As I already told you, I love my studies. I also love that it’s a big city with a million things to do. And that no one really knows anyone. After living in a small village where everyone is up your business, it’s quite refreshing.”

 

“I bet it is.”

 

“As for uni itself, I have a friend group that I quite like. You already know Jasmine. There’s another girl, Sarah, and two boys, Nick and Michael.”

 

“Great,” Sirius frowns and hesitates to continue for a moment. “And, um… do you have anything going on with anyone?” he asks embarrassedly.

 

“No, no! Nothing!” Remus hastens to answer. “Do you?”

 

“No, I don’t,” Sirius smiles timidly.

 

“Good,” Remus smiles back. An immense weight lifts off his shoulders.

 

“Good?” Sirius asks teasingly.

 

“Yes,” Remus answers, feeling his cheeks burn. They stare at each other shyly, flushed and happy. Remus feels like a schoolgirl staring at her crush. A few moments pass without them saying anything.

 

“I kept your photograph, you know,” Sirius breaks the silence. “The one you gave to me with the underpants on your head,” Sirius chuckles. “I still have it.”

 

“I still have your cross earring,” Remus admits, his heart beating faster.

 

Another pause.

 

“You know, all these years, I didn’t forget about you for one moment,” Sirius murmurs, his voice low.

 

“Me neither. I thought about you all the time,” he pauses. “I used to stare at the sky to find your star when I missed you,” Remus confesses. Sirius makes a choked sound.

 

“The first year, I missed you so much that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I wonder how poor James put up with me. And even after that, I didn’t stop missing you. I started seeing a lot of people, but every time I was with a guy, I always thought about you.”

 

“I had a boyfriend for a year and all I could do was think about you. When I came to London, I looked for you in every gay bar, I thought I was seeing you everywhere,” their confessions are flooding out of them desperately, like an invisible dam has broken.

 

“Just a week ago, I got drunk and told James that I feared I’d never find anyone like you again.”

 

“Really?” 

 

“Yes, Remus. You were so important to me. You were my first love. I was in love with you, you know that? And I didn’t even tell you.”

 

Remus feels like he wants to cry. “I was in love with you, too.”

 

“You were?”

 

“Of course I was.”

 

“Christ, it all ended so abruptly, Remus… I was so tortured by what could have been. I thought about reaching out to you so many times, but you were so far away. And even now that you’re here, it’s only for a while. In two years, you’ll be gone again,” Sirius’ expression is pained and he, too, looks on the edge of tears.

 

“No, I won’t be,” Remus opposes with a sense of urgency. “I won’t be gone.”

 

“But… won’t you go back to Fenneltown? To teach at the school?”

 

“No. I’ve changed my mind for some time now. I’ve realised that I love my town, but it’s not for me. I couldn’t stand to live there forever. I would suffocate. What happened with you made me realise it, but I think it was always true. You just helped me see that there was a life beyond it that was much better suited for me.”

 

“So,” Sirius’ expression is hesitantly hopeful, “you’re telling me that you won’t leave London? Ever?”

 

“Yes. I might not have a job waiting for me anymore, but I don’t care. I won’t leave London.”

 

“Christ. This is too good to be true. Am I dreaming?” Sirius breaks into a smile so wide that his cheeks must hurt.

 

“No, you’re not,” Remus finds the courage to extend his hand and lace it with Sirius’. Sirius looks down at their intertwined palms.

 

“I’m not,” he agrees, his voice small.

 

Remus gives a quick look around to ensure no one’s near and then stares into Sirius’ beautiful grey eyes. Sirius licks his lips and starts leaning in. Remus stops breathing.

 

Finally,  _ finally, _ after all this time, their lips meet again.

 

There are no words in any language to describe how Remus feels while kissing Sirius after four years apart. It is the most beautiful, the sweetest kiss he has ever exchanged in his life. He wishes it could last forever.

 

He cups Sirius’ face with the hand that’s not still holding his and strokes the napes of his hair, the way he used to do all these years ago. He feels Sirius’ soft sigh against his lips.

 

“Things are going well, I see!” 

 

Remus and Sirius push each other away, terrified, only to see a grinning James hovering above them with two slices of cake in his hands.

 

“Jesus Christ, James,” Remus protests, trying to recover from the shock.

 

“James,” Sirius wheezes with his hand on his heart “I know it’s your wedding and all that, but I will  _ kill you. _ ”

 

“No, you won’t, you twat.” 

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Because you love me,” James looks very pleased with himself. “Also, I brought you cake! Besides, it’s not my fault that you’re going at it outside of my wedding venue.”

 

“Excuse you! We’re not going at it, we-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I’ll leave you to it. There’s dancing going on inside when you’re finished,” he winks and hands them the plates. “Bon appétit, boys!” And with another wink, he turns his back on them and makes his way to the venue.

 

“What an idiot,” Sirius stares at him fondly until he disappears inside.

 

“The best idiot.” 

 

They eat their cake, and Sirius kisses the whipped cream off Remus’ cheek. Remus feels like he’s flying on cloud nine.

 

After a few more sweet, literally and metaphorically, kisses, they go inside, where everyone is dancing.

 

_ “Then that time I went and said goodbye/ Now I'm back and not ashamed to cry/Oooh baby, here I am/Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours,”  _ Stevie Wonder sings from the speakers, and Sirius drags Remus to the dancefloor.

 

Sirius dances as well as he did at sixteen. He grabs Remus’ hand and makes a twirl. A bit to the side, Remus spots Lily staring at them with a knowing smile. Jasmine, next to her, gives them a little wave. Remus makes a mental note to apologise for leaving her alone all night. Oh. And to finally come out to all his friends.

 

At the end of the night, Sirius asks Remus if he’d like to go on a date with him. Remus says yes.

 

The date goes well.

 

They go on a second one. And a third one. And a fourth one. Those also go well.

 

Three months later, Sirius moves in with Remus.

 

The next few years aren’t easy, but they have each other.

 

Somehow, in spite of everything else, that is enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned in this chapter:  
> Endless love - Diana Ross & Lionel Richie  
> Signed, sealed, delivered, I'm yours - Stevie Wonder
> 
> Songs for this chapter:  
> Never too much - Luther Vandross  
> Being with you - Smokey Robinson
> 
> Wow, this is really it!
> 
> A million thank you's to anyone who read this, and especially to those of you who took the time to leave a kudos or a comment. This is the first fic I've ever published and your positive feedback has meant the world to me!
> 
> If anyone is interested in reading more about Sirius and Remus' life together after the epilogue, then stay tuned! I have some sequels planned!
> 
> If you want to experience the fateful Christmas dinner during which the Blacks disowned Sirius, then check out ElectraCute's "Off the Tapestry"
> 
> Again, thank you so, so much for giving my work the time of the day!
> 
> Until next time ;)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Remus Lupin in Fenneltown](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18551326) by [ElectraCute](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectraCute/pseuds/ElectraCute)
  * [Off the Tapestry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113645) by [ElectraCute](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElectraCute/pseuds/ElectraCute)




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